Tag — Standing in Your Own Power
*8Things: Anti-Power Messages to Counteract
I’m working away over here like a busy little bee, preparing for an overseas move AND putting the finishing touches on my next course, Power Stories: tips and tales for standing in your own power. (Get on the early notificiation list here.)
This topic of standing in your own power still resonates strongly with me. I keep thinking of new ways to approach it, and new reasons why learning this skill is so vital to genuine living. This week I jotted down a quick list of *8Things: Anti-Power Messages I’m learning to avoid and to counteract — both in my own life and for the sake of my children. These are the messages that really hemmed me in — and one’s I’m trying (imperfectly) to counter-teach to my own girls.
1) Don’t argue with your parents. While children do need to be respectful to adults because they are humans, they don’t need to kowtow to everything an adult says. In our household we spend a lot of time teasing out what kinds of things are open for discussion, and when it’s time to acquiesce to that parental standby “Because I said so.” We also work on how to contradict teachers and other authority figures with respect, but with clear determination. (A lot of this goes on ’round the kitchen table.) I’ve gotten push back from older family members for letting my kids “talk back.” And from time to (rare) time, they do take it too far, or do it in a snotty tone of voice. But I’d rather have my kids step over the line once in awhile than have them ignore their own truths and desires out of blind obedience. (Plus I think it helps the family-as-community model, which I dig.)
2) Don’t have sex. I’ve written about this before. The short version is, we are trying to help our girls stand in their own power so they can ascertain when they are ready for sex. My hope is that they will not be shamed into abstinence nor rushed into premature sex by media messages about what is “normal;” but rather that they will find their own right time/place/age/partner. Teaching your kids to wisely honor their own bodies is a big step in helping them stand in their own power, and protect their physical selves.
3) Clear your plate.Teaching your kids how to recognize hunger and thirst signals, and honor them is priceless. Think of how much energy you’ve spent over the years worrying about your weight and what you can/can’t eat. If we could harvest that energy, my generation could power the nation for a decade. It’s time to break the cycle. Since they were toddlers we’ve been teaching the girls to have plenty of ”produce and protein;” helping them know when they need carbs for short energy bursts and when they need some long burning protein, encouraging them to drink enough water; explaining why comfort foods comfort; and helping them notice what foods make them feel good, and which cause them to be irritable or unhappy.
4) Because it’s bedtime.Sleep needs vary with ages, seasons, and the amount of stuff that’s on the calendar. Helping kids understand thier work/rest rhythms is good soulcare for life.
5) You can’t quit — you made a commitment. I walk a fine line on this one. On the one hand learning to honor your commitments is a valuable life lesson. On the other, listening to your body/mind/spirit and realizing that it’s time to be done with a give activity is also bedrock stuff for standing in your own power. How many volunteer commitments have you regretted but felt to guilty to resign from? Teach ‘em now people. Teach ‘em now.
6) That’s too tight/low cut/revealing. -AND-
7) That’s a BAD word!
With both attire and language we try to talk to the girls about what’s “appropriate.” A high school senior showing a bit of cleavage at prom? Seems about right. A tweenager in a bikini the size of a doilie — not so much. … Saying “shit” at Danish skole, where the English explicative is the standard word for “poop.” Totally appropriate. Dropping it in front of Grandma? Please don’t! We try to point out that words and clothes aren’t morally “good” or “bad” — it’s how you use them. While shopping or watching TV, “Mom, that doesn’t seem appropriate to me.” is something we hear quite often around these parts.
8) Be Nice. The girls and I were watching Survivor 20 recently. I can’t remember the name or the exact wording but it went something like this. The host said, “SuzyQ you always seem to do quite well on the game, then it comes time to either play a tough strategy, or cave in, and suddenly you lose. What happens?” SuzieQ had no answer. But when they showed the clips of the key moments in which she had lost the game, every one of them showed her abandoning her plan in order to “be nice” in some superficial way. Teach your kids to be respectful. Teach them to be kind. But nice for niceness’ sake? Forget about it.
What’s your list of *8Things: Anti-Power Messages to Counteract? Which messages do you carry from childhood that keep you from standing in your own power? What cultural messages are you counter-acting with you children or with younger people you mentor? Let us know. We need to learn from you! Grab a button and play along. If you put your list on your blog, give us the permalinkin the Mr. Linky below. Thanks for playing!
Do you want to Train with Magpie Girl? I’ve got a new class starting the end of July that’s all about learning to stand in your own power. Join Magpie Girl and Friends as we teach you all our best power stances. Hop on the early notification list for Power Stories: tips and tales for standing in your own power and get first dibs on a seat. See you there!
Standing in Your Own Power: If you knew you could not fail.
This is the last of an 8-part series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. All the posts, plus new editions and inspiring guest posts, will be offered in July as a Magpie Girl Eseries. Sign up for the wait list and you’ll get a friendly little note in your email when the series is ready.
Power Stories: tips and tales for standing in your own power.
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“What would you do today, if you knew you could not fail?” – Robert Schuller
A few years ago I was sitting in a freshly painted writer’s studio, staring at greeting card pinned to the bulletin board above my desk. I had bought it for myself. It came in a plastic sleeve and had a charm dangling from the middle of it — a hinged paper-doll fairy holding the words “What would you do today if you knew you could not fail?”
What would I do if I knew I could not fail? Write. Make zines and essay collections. Teach from the stage. Earn a living. Wear a title that suited me. Have my voice. Speak my Truth. Help. Wear the motto: “Have Wisdom, Will Travel.”
“But I can fail,” said I in a whisper. (Or was it a whine?)
To which The Muse answered, “So What?”
For a long time, I wanted to throw a book at that paper-doll fairy. I wanted to squash her flat and make her be quiet. I wanted her to stop singing me her truth. I pondered and I twittered and I worried away. Eventually my thinking took shape:
I could fail. So what? What would it matter really? Some money down the drain. Some lessons learned. A little bit of embarrassment. The occasional apology for falling short on a promise.
But if I did not try? Then what? Years knocking around playing soccer mom (when I didn’t want to play soccer mom.) Days logged in an office doing work I didn’t believe in. Going to my death bed wondering, “What if?” (Believe me, when you are in chronic pain the possibility of an early death bed can loom quite large in the imagination.)
Finally, I gave in. I gave in to the wisdom of that paper-doll fairy. I knew I could not go back. Nor could I stay still, staring at the card pinned above my desk. I moved foward. In fits and starts I moved forward. With kicking and whining and dragging my feet I moved forward. Occasionally, with dancing and leaping and joy in my heart I moved forward.
I stood. I tried. I wrote and I wandered. I made things that didn’t sell. I lost money. I apologized. I learned things. And now, several YEARS later I’m here. Writing. Teaching. Supporting lives. Paying for printing. Breaking even. Making mistakes (but worrying less when I do.)
I am standing here to bear witness that you must do what you would do if you knew you would not fail. Because the truth is, you might fail, at least a little. — If you want to call learning “failing.” If you want to be perfect from the start.
But if you do not try, you WILL fail. And not in that failure-as-learning-curve way. No. If you do not leap, you will fail in that way that is full of pathos. You will fail yourself. Your dreams. Your daemon. Your Muse.
What would you do today if you knew you could not fail? Do not let the fear of failure rob you of your power. Stand. Stand in the dream of what you would do if failure was not an issue. If money was not an issue. If time was not an issue. Stand in your dream, throw back your head, open your arms to the heavens. Cry out, cry out! — what you believe, what you behold, what you know to be true. Do not have crisis of imagination. Do not let limitation hold you in. Instead, trust. Trust that if you turn over enough rocks, you will find the solution. Stand and speak the name.
What would you do today if you knew you could not fail? Name it. Plant your feet. Stand.
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Train with Magpie Girl is an on-going series designed to help you learn the ropes of creative, empowered living. From emotional support to practical Tools of the Trade — get the insider info you need. Click here to see all my training tips. Email me your sticking points! I’m happy to help. Thank you for being here.
Standing in Your Own Power: Your Body Knows
This post is part of an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
As a part of my quest for migraine relief, I learned a technique chiropractors and other doctors use called applied kinesiology or muscle testing. This technique taps into your body’s intuitive knowledge to diagnose various problems. Muscle testing helped me determine which foods would trigger my migraines on any given day. A truly skilled practitioner can even determine how much of a given food will trigger a migraine, or how many tablets of a given supplement you might need to take. But even rudimentary skills at this technique can proved helpful in any number of settings.
Muscle testing is great for getting around chatty Gremlins and circumnavigating self-sabotaging thoughts. It helps you stand in your own power by tapping into your body’s deep wisdom and intuition. Here’s how to do it in a few easy steps. (You’ll need a friend to help you.)
1) Write the different things you are considering on small pieces of paper. Create a range of options. For instance, if you are try to decide to help a friend out of financial straits, your options could be:
- “Should I loan them X amount of dollars.”
- “Should I loan them x (smaller amount) of dollars?”
- “Should I give them x amount of dollars?”
2) First, while standing, shake your hands to discharge any tensions or energy you are holding around the decision making process. Ask your friend, the Tester, to do the same.
3) Extend your non-dominate hand out to one side, parallel to the ground. Have your Tester press down on your forearm to gauge how much strength you generally have in that arm. (The Tester can put one hand on your opposite shoulder for counter balance, but this may not be necessary.)
4) Now hold the first decision option in your other hand. Extend your non-dominate arm again and have your Tester press down on it with the same amount of force. If your arm remains strong, your body is intuitively telling you that is a decision your mind/body are in agreement with. If it weakens or goes down, it’s the wrong answer.
5) Between each test, move away from the slips of paper and shake off your hands. (Have the tester do the same.) When you hold each price in your hand, think about the decision, and imagine completing that option. You can also do this “blind” by folding the pieces of paper in half. It’s interesting to see if you get the same results.
Have fun and let me know how this technique works for you!
Need a community around you to support you on your quest to Stand in Your Own Power? Flock can help. Join our trailblazing group of women as we dedicate ourselves to “finding a spirituality
Train with Magpie Girl is an on-going series designed to help you learn the ropes of creative, empowered living. From emotional support to practical Tools of the Trade — get the insider info you need. Click here to see all my training tips. Email me your sticking points! I’m happy to help. Thank you for being here.
*8Things: F*ck Conventional Wisdom
I want to run down the halls of my high school.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world.
It’s just a lie you have to rise above.-J.Mayer, No Such Thing
This week’s list is a part of our series, Standing in Your Own Power…which is an extension of this *8Things . (It seems we have come full-circle.)
One of the things we’ve been talking about in our Standing in Your Own Power series is the difference between external sources of authority (institutions, cultural messages, etc) and internal sources of authority (The Muse, intuition, etc.) External sources often come cloaked in the guise of “conventional wisdom.” There are of course, good examples of conventional wisdom. “Look both ways before crossing the street” comes immediately to mind. But there are plenty of dubious CW soundbites as well.
As Jen Lemen once point out, “The Man” has really done a job on me. There are a number of thing in my head that I accept as truth without applying a critical eye. So, like Penny did with Fear, I’d like to say f*ck off to these *8 bits of conventional wisdom.
*8Things: F*ck Conventional Wisdom
1. I sound like my mother. Why does this have to be a bad thing? Motherhood is an honorable profession.
2. You should try to stay the size you were in high school. Seriously? This so does NOT honor our bodies.
3. It’s not a ‘real’ book unless it’s printed by a ‘real’ publisher. Um, who says?
4. Your children need to go to church. They need a religious foundation. Don’t get me started.
5. You need good grades. This is important for like, 5 minutes of your life. Average grades work fine.
6. You have to be financially secure. Really, the need for financial security and how you define it varies widely based on personality.
7. That’s not how it’s done. Anything remotely like this sets off big warning bells
What *8Things do you need to stop listening to? What does “everybody” know is true, but doesn’t work for you? Tell that stuff to take a hike in your *8Things: F*ck Conventional Wisdom list. Grab a button and play along! Put your list in the comments; or post it on your blog and give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. (We’ll come come say hi! ) Thanks for being here!
*8Things: This I know
This week’s list is a part of our series, Standing in Your Own Power…which is an extension of this *8Things . (It seems we have come full-circle.)
When it comes to finding your power, a handy repeat-as-often-as-necessary exercise is to write a lit of things you know to be true. (Even Oprah does it.) I find that this list slips around a bit for me. So I like to do it a couple times a year. Here is my current list of:
*8Things: This I Know
1. I can succeed, even with chronic pain, if I define success by my own internally-identified terms.
2. As a mom, I kinda rock.
3. “Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and above all things, Love.”
4. You can love with your whole heart, no questions asked. (Jen Lemen said it, and I believe it.)
5. My gremlins are not testaments to truth telling, and therefore as witnesses, they can be ignored.
6. Art is my new church.
7. My family creates community wherever we go.
8. I can be married and be a self-actualized, happy, passion-following woman at the same time.
What are the things you know, that you Know, that you KNOW? These are the boulders at the foundation you use to stand in your own power. List your *8Things: This I Know in the comments, or grab a button and play along. If you post on your list on your blog, please give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below so we can come say hi! Thanks for being here.
Standing in Your Own Power: Strengthen Your Power Center
This post is part of an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
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Today in our Standing in Your Own Power series, I’d like to share a visualization technique taught to me by Leonie Allen, host of Goddess Guidebook and creator of the Chakra Healing Guided Meditation Kit. (And now proud new mama of baby Ostara!)
Last year, I called Leonie because I was feeling insecure – tossed about by a fistful of opinions and ideas, none of which I was sure were mine. Leonie walked me through a chakra cleansing process (something I know very little about.) She said my Manipura Chakra, in the solar plexus, was dim. The Manipura Chakra is the source of personal power and will power. So Leonie asked me to focus on that chakra in this way:
1) Visualize a yellow or golden symbol of power. (A scepter immediately sprang to mind for me.)
2) From a comfortable seated position, place your hands over your solar plexus (navel).
3) Take ten deep breaths focusing on your solar plexus and visualizing your power symbol there.
I did this every morning for about a month to encourage a feeling of being rooted in a place of personal power. (It really helped!)
Do you have any meditative techniques that help you stand in your own power? Mantras that ground you? Images that help you stay strong? Do tell in the comments below and contribute the giant pool of wisdom, now forming at Magpie Girl.
Standing in Your Own Power: Why so Serious? Practice Whimsy.
Have you seen Fond of Snape’s 365 days series? That woman really gets whimsy!
This post is part of an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
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My favorite form of exercise is swimming, which I do several times a week. Conventional wisdom says I should follow a training program. You know the drill — so many laps of this kind of stroke, so many of that. Instead, I tend to just lollygag along with a nice even-paced breaststroke. Why? So I can concentrate. On what you say? On fan fiction.
As an NF (as in Meyers Briggs ENFJ) I get super-involved with stories. There is an almost constant narrative going on in my head. I wonder what the deal is with that older woman with 4 babies in one stroller? What would have happened if I had done drama in college? Where did the bus driver immigrate from? This is especially true for me with TV characters. I finished Big Love season 3 weeks ago, and I’m still wondering “How is Margene’s small business going?” When I watch a story I get very, VERY involved.
But I’m also a high ranking “J” in Meyers Briggs, which means I am quite serious most of the time. I wonder a lot about the merits of my decisions. I worry almost obsessively over the question, “What’s next?” All that worry and wondering can be powerful. It lets me live with intention and encourages me to cast my Mondo Beyondo dreams out into the Universe. But it can also become a burden, weighing me down and making me curmudgeonly.
I used to use my pool time to make plans for the day, writing and re-writing long tuex duex lists in my head and hoping I’d remember them until I could get my hands on a pen. Then one day I found my mind wandering to some TV show or another, creating a new plot line for a favorite character.
“Nonsense,” said my Gremlins. “What a waste of time.” (Gremlins are very good at listening to Conventional Wisdom.)
“Voila!” said The Muse. “Embrace whimsy.”
And so now as I swim, I write stories in my head. Right now I’m enjoying a sub-plot for the character of Walter Bishop on The Fringe. He delights me. In my whimsical version he is the benevolent ringmaster of a traveling circus. I think it may all be in his mind — a sort of coping mechanism during his stay in the mental institution. It’s ever so entertaining and makes 45 minutes of lap time just fly by!
Now, if you are still with me you may be wondering, “What has this got to do with standing in your own power?” In response I ask you to remember that whimsy is the antidote to blind obedience. Practicing Whimsy helps you thumb your nose at what “they” say. It tunes into your internal voice of play and wonder, and turns down the overly-ambitious workaholic voice that our consumerist, Protestant-work-ethic culture has hammered into our heads. It frees you.
Go ahead, give it at try. What whimsical impulse lies at the tip of your tongue? Here are some fun ones I can think of:
-Buy a basket of strawberries (yes, even out of season.)
-Use Crayolas.
-Ask a stranger to let you pet their puppy.
-That thing you loved doing as a kid — rollerskating, making models, lining up the dominoes. Do it again.
-Spin in circles until you collapse on the grass. Watch the clouds spin.
-Wear ponytails, braids, striped socks.
What will you do today to re-introduce yourself to whimsy? Tell us in the comments below and be an inspiration to our oh-so-serious selves. To read more about Whimsy, click here and here.
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Need a community around you to support you on your quest to Stand in Your Own Power? Flock can help. Join our trailblazing group of women as we dedicate ourselves to “finding a spirituality that fits.” Click here to learn more.
Standing in Your Own Power: Correspond with The Muse
My current method of corresponding with The Muse — letters to Vincent.
This is an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
To me, the Muse is that internal voice that guides and inspires me. She is not an external guest who comes to visit, but an internal source of wisdom dwelling within. Because the language of the Trinity is meaningful to me and because the world of creativity and art are so intrinsic to whom I am – I have come to think of The Muse and The Spirit synonymously. She turns my head, shows me where to go, and as we travel she holds my hand (or gives me a shove!)
Standing in your own power requires that you stop listening to external sources of authority, and learn to tune into your internal voice of authority – your instinct, your intuition, your Muse. Corresponding with The Muse turns down the volume on the external static, and turns up the dial on your intuitive voice.
Embracing Whimsy is one of the main ways I have come to correspond with The Muse. To me the language of whimsy is The Muse’s native tongue—my native tongue, long forgotten. I have been well-trained by the Institutions (external authority). Their voice is familiar to me. It is the language I have spoke then longest. Their instructions about “how it is done” ring loud in my ears. I tend to blindly obey the institutional voice.
Whimsy is the antidote to blind obedience. Whimsy is my native tongue, though I barely remember a time when I spoke it so easily. Now, whenever I have the impulse to do something “they” would think is ridiculous, I recognize it as Whimsy, the voice of the Muse, and I try to leap. This helps me stretch my “listening-to-my-intuition” muscles, and lets me practices saying “yes” to intuition. Here are some things that I’ve done which seem Whimsical to me (and therefore inspired by The Muse):
-I moved to Denmark just to do something different.
-I have regularly have breakfast with Vincent Van Gogh (his books and art) and write him letters.
-I joined a Danish gospel choir, though I can’t understand a thing the director is saying.
-I bought a vintage scrapbook of Danish theatre performances with hand drawn illustrations.
None of these things makes much sense. Certainly “they” would not suggest such a course of action. Yet each of them has shaped my life in a significant way. Each of them is transforming me, helping me become. The Muse and her voice of Whimsy led me here. Without her I would not have found my way.
What does the Muse sound like in your heart, in your ear? How might you correspond with her? Literally– though writing her letters (and penning her answers back)? Verbally–through talking aloud in an empty room, through singing in the shower? Physically — through the sign language of yoga, or running, or swimming? Where can you hear the voice of your inspiration? How can you camp out there and practice your native tongue?
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Need a community around you to support you on your quest to Stand in Your Own Power? Flock can help. Join our trailblazing group of women as we dedicate ourselves to “finding a spirituality that fits.” Click here to learn more.
This I Believe (circa Easter, 2010)
This Easter morning, before the chocolate rabbits come out of hiding, Paul and I will take inventory. In what do we really believe? …A literal Resurrection? Actual God-and-Man? Redemptive violence? An empty grave?
Two years ago Easter came to me all bittersweet. It felt like letting go of a loved one’s hand as the train pulls away. Last year I was angry at the messages being handed down to our little ones. This year, after a Winter of snow and depression, Easter finds me already awash in the arrival of Spring — fields of snowdrops; a blanket of crocuses spilling out from the doors of our local castle; the magnolias tight in the bud and waiting to open. In the midst of this earthy glory, the theology of Easter arrives as a late comer, tagging on the coat tails of a natural spectacle.
Every year Easter it comes out of its cocoon with wings of different shapes and colors. This year, I may have finally stopped trying to pin it to a board. This year, I’ve realized that I’ve developed a new practice – a practice of allowing Easter to be born again, to bring new flavors of belief, new forms of adoration. I doubt I shall ever be able to ascribe to a permanent creed. All I can say is this Easter morning I believe…
I Believe…
In a Source larger than myself which at its core is creative, healing, and restorative. I choose to call this Source God, though I recognize her by other names and have seen her in many incarnations. I believe in all the ways renewal, regeneration, and rebirth flow forth from this Source. I look eagerly to understand her better, and to live her life of creativity and renewal more completely.
I Believe…
In a man named Jesus whose tale has been carried, replicated, and expanded through many cultures and many eras. I believe in his habit of telling meaningful stories; bringing the outsider home; and being dangerously compassionate. To these I do aspire. I believe his Sermon on the Mount creates inside me a passion for justice, equity, and inclusion. I strive to live these in increasingly meaningful ways. I hear him in the mouth of a all the great teachers. I see him in a thousand faces. I try to reflect him back to others from my own.
I Believe…
In a guiding force which resides within each of us, sometimes called Spirit, who has made herself known to me as The Muse. I believe in her creative capacities, in her skills as a guide, and her residence in my intuition. I believe in her connection to God, and strive to align myself with her.
I Believe..
In community wherever it may be found. In dancing in the overlap. In everyday holiness. I believe in rites, rituals and worship which connect us to God – primal, traditional, and emerging. I believe in sacred spaces and thin spots. In inexplicable fore-knowing, sometimes called prophecy. I believe in an unending source of love, which translates into abundant acts of charity. In generous curiosity. In the high value of hospitality. In miracle, and whimsy. And above all, I believe in love.
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Writing your own creed is an excellent way to practice Standing in Your Own Power. If you pen one of your own and share it in the blogopshere, please leave us the link in the comments. What might be the opening lines of your creed, circa Easter 2010?
To see all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
*8Things: Songs for Standing in Your Power
Today at *8Things we are circling the wagons and rounding up songs that help us Stand in Our Own Power. (For more posts on this theme click here.)
1. That I Would Be Good, Alanis Morissette
2. Crawl, Polyphonic Spree
3. Knuckle Down, Ani DiFranco,
4. The Glory of Love, Bette Midler
5. Live High, Jason Mraz
6. Yahweh, U2
7. Better Together, Jack Johnson
9. Bold as Love, John Mayer
What tunes let you stand firm? What songs help you walk strong? Leave your *8Things list in the comments below or give us the permalink to the list on your blog in the Mr. Linky below. (We’ll come say ”hi!”) Thanks for being here.
