Tag — Soultribes
30 Stories: One Tip for Starting a Soultribe
30Stories started as an impulsive birthday project in which I offered to answer 30 questions from my blog readers in 30days. The 30days part proved to be too ambitious, but I adored all the questions so I’m continuing to work my way through the list.
This is story number 21, and it comes from Polly of Pixie Mama who asks:
Q: “What is your one tip for starting to create your own tribe.”
A:As you know, Soultribes are kinda my thing. I build them on a regular basis. I have lots of tips on how get them started, but here is my number one piece of advice: Assume Impermanance.
Every since the era of self-help, having “a family of choice” has been part of our psycho-speak. We can have the family we are born into, and a family we choose to gather around us. This concept helps us stand in our own power, and create the life we need and long for. The challenge in this modern-day lingo is that “family” is such a loaded word. “Family is Forever.” “Blood is Thicker than Water.” These slogans feed the idea that whatever group you gather around you must go on ad infinitum.
This, my friends, is not likely to be so. People move. Lifestyles change. You — you, your very growing self — you evolve, and so do the people around you. Is it any wonder that the college group that played together is not the same tribe you need now?
Assume that whatever soultribe you are forming now, or next, will be impermanent. The composition will shift. What you do together will change. People will come and go. It might even end all together. And that is okay. Natural even. Your tribe is a living thing that is emerging organically from the life you have right now. So enjoy it, right now, in it’s current incarnation. And don’t worry so much about making it last until death do us part.
So here are my tips for creating a soultribe from a place of assumed impermanence.
Start with and End Date.When you invite people over to a book group, or Sunday brunch, or to cook together, or whatever, make it short term. One afternoon, 3 Tuesdays, the first weekend of the month for 3 months. This lets people commit lightly until you figure out if you are gelling enough to keep going — and it lets you back out if you decide hosting a tribe is not your thing.
Hold it Loosely. I know mission-statements are all the rage, but don’t write one for your group. Not yet. Don’t over-define what you will be about or what you will do together right away. Try this. Try that. See what feels best.
Don’t Bring a Moving Van to the First Date.When you start playing around with the idea of a soultribe, gather people in little clusters and see what you think. Have drinks. Make dinner together. Take a walk around the lake. While you spend time together, look for things you have in common. But don’t just look for similarities. That’s boring! Keep an eye open for interests your potential tribe-mates have that aren’t your interests, but which intrigue you. If after a few dates things start to gel and you decided to do something together on a regular basis, keep in mind that RDT (relational definition talks) are part of the process. You’ll need to chat from time to time to figure out if what you are doing together is working. And remember, if you don’t like them you aren’t obligated to go out with them again — even if they did buy you dinner. :-)
What questions do you have about forming a soultribe? What tribes have you been a part of which nurtured you? How did they form? We’d love to hear your ideas and stories, because there ain’t nowhere to go but together.
You might also like:
Flock: Soulcare with Magpie Girl – an online soultribe for spiritual misfits.
(Get on our wait-list here.)
Magpie Girl’s Guide: SoulRetreats: how to host a tribe with art and soul
How to build a Dreamboard circle
Soultribe Interview: The Knittas
Soultribe Interview: Third Saturday
Soultribe Interview: Tribes for Deep Support
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30 Stories : 30Days – The Collection
Story 1: What is the intersect between work and play and how can I find it?
Story 2: How has your spirituality shaped your sexuality?
Story 3: IRL and Online Friendships: same? different? balanced.
Story 4: How can I connect with my neighborhood?
Story 5: What do I do if my partner and I have different faiths?
Story 6: What are you doing to make a difference in this world?
7tory 7: What is your highest high and what can you learn from it?
Story 8: What role has massage played in your life?
Story 9: How can I make administrative tasks a creative/spiritual practice?
Story 10: What has it meant to you to have your birthday so near Halloween?
Story 11: How can I manage resistance around my art?
Story 12: I want to establish some kind of spiritual practice. Where do I start?
Story 13: What is your primary spiritual practice?
Story 14: Do you prefer living in Europe or in the U.S.?
Stroy 15: How does nature affect your spirituality, and why do you say you have a soft spot for Pagans?
Story 16: As your spirituality expands, does God stay personal?
Story 17: How can I pursue my dreams, do the have-to’s, and not burn out?
Story 18 How can I create a spiritual community?
Story 19: What has it been like returning to the U.S. after living abroad?
Story 20: How can you create balance in your on-line life?
SoulRetreats: Gather your Tribe this Summer
I’m excited to announce the arrival of my second eBook. Let’s do a little dance!
(To read the nararation about SoulRetreats instead, click here.)
Do you want to form a Soultribe of your very own? Are you longing to hole up with some like minded friends for nurture and comfort, but you aren’t sure where to start? SoulRetreats: how to host a tribe with art soul is just what you’ve been looking for — a practical-but-beautiful book to walk you through the steps of organizing your very own SoulRetreat. We’ll help you do it without financial burdens or hosting burn-out. And we’ll do it for just $20 — a small price to pay to be on your way to a tribe to call home.
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
Here’s what’s inside:
SoulRetreats is a soulful, instructive eBook written by Rachelle Mee-Chapman, with special guests Jennifer McGuiggan, Jolie Guillebeau and Rebecca Dallin. Within its 59 pages you’ll find poetic essays nestled alongside practical “YBH” (yes, but how?) instructions. In addition there are webpages where you can share your experiences with other readers; and links to the free online tools you’ll need to make your Soulretreat practical and easy. Because art and beauty are of high value at Magpie Girl, SoulRetreats has an attractive layout with photos and design elements by Neil Sittler of Stickflower Designs.
When you buy SoulRetreats, you’ll also received a link to our free book, SoulFood: how to cook for tribe. SoulFood includes delicious vegetarian and gluten-free recipes by Jolie Guillebeau, and ecumenical table blessings gathered by Jessica Schafer. It makes cooking with your soultribe easy and satistfying.
You have everything you need! Let’s get started.
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
Contents of SoulRetreats
- How Something Good Finally Got Born
- Preparing for Your Soultribe
- Unpacking: Letting Go of Past Tribes
- Invitations and Introductions
- How to Quash a Gremlin Uprising
- Not the Mom: Creating Co-Ownership in a Tribe
- Sample SoulRetreat Schedule
- Tabletop Spirituality
- Ten Tips for SoulRetreat SoulFood
- How Not to Lose Money
- Follow-Up: *8Things to Keep Your Soultribe Connected
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
The Magpie Girl Guides Promise
If you don’t find this book lovely and helpful, I will happily refund your money. Just email me within 30 days of purchase. No worries.
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Need a Soultribe Right Now?
Come join us in our online soulspa, Flock: Soulcare with Magpie Girl. We’d be happy to welcome you home.
Soulsisters Retreat: Day One
I wake up before as the sun is just rising over the horizon, tingeing the sky with light and calling the trees out of the darkness. The green fleece saddle blanket is warm around me and I rub my feet together in a subconscious ritual of awakening. I am a little stiff from my night on the couch (a side effect of insomnia, this wandering and sleeping in odd places.) Still, despite the stiffness, there’s not much that could make me happier than this weekend on our island retreat with my murmur of Soulsisters.
Ten of us have gathered here on the Sound, carving out for ourselves the Soultribe we could not find elsewhere. We range in age from our 40s’ to our teens. We are single-married-divorced. We are child free by choice or circumstance, and in the process of raising offspring. We are employed and freelance, looking and established. We live in 3 countries, 4 states, and one province. The one thing we have in common is that we all of us need a Tribe – not to define who we are, but to support who we are. Not a place of rules and membership guidelines, but just a place to be. That’s what we are doing here on our island retreat, under our green blankets, at the dawning of day.
Already, with just one afternoon and evening behind us, I am fully convinced that this was worth it. The time and the money and the travel; the risk and the “jump!” and the Gremlins. Something good is getting itself born. And we will help you get your something good born to. Whatever you do hold on to hope, your Soultribe is coming. Our’s arrival here is a harbinger of good things to come.
May peace greet you this Sunday morning. Shalom.
Rachelle Mee-Chapman is an alt.minister dedicated to helping Soultribes get born. To take some practical first-steps, or to read how-we-did-it interviews with fabulous Soultribe practitioners click here. To follow along as we stumble, experiment, and dance our way towards our Soulsisters Soultribe, follow our progress here. Thank you for being here.
*8Things To Love About Your Tribe
What is *8Things? Click here.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my tribe — both my family of birth, and my family of choice, the later of which is scattered over a virtual and real landscape. My heart swells with gratitude at the truly amazing souls who have floated, flitted, barged, and stumbled into my life. I truly would not be the person I am today without them. (And I like the person I am today. I really do!) So in honored of kindred spirits and kind souls, here are *8Things To Love About my Tribe:
1. They move between Weeds and Kierkegaard with equal aplomb.
2. They know good food and believe cocktails are important.
3. “Dangerously Compassionate” seems to be the tribe motto.
4. They don’t just tolerate my kids, they adore them.
5. They allow me to change, grow, morph and alter…
6. …and yet they remember all our old stories.
7. They get it that there really is a THERE there in cyberspace. (Hurrah for virtual community!)
8. Being with them is like a blood infusion crossed with an energy drink chaser.
What are your *8 Things to Love About Your Tribe? Grab a button and play along. I can’t get Mr Linky to work this week, so put your permalink in the list below so we can link along and fall in love.
And a special SHOUT OUT to *8Things player Jenn from Freelance, Unconventional Nun who rang up my groceries at the food co-op last week, looked at me sideways and said, “Are you Magpie Girl?” Um? Make. My. Day.
Soultribes: How to Build a Dreamboard Circle
The tea lights ring the room and ambient trip-hop spills from the speakers. There are seven of us around the table ranging in age from fifty to five. We’ve chatted a bit and filled our mugs. Now it’s time for cardstock and magazines, glues sticks and scissors. It’s the Full Moon. It’s time to Dreamboard.
A Dreamboard circle is one of the simplest Soultribes to form. It doesn’t require complicated leadership, and the supplies and techniques are very basic. You can form one easily with these simple steps…
Soultribe Practitioners Interview: Kelly Bean and Third Saturdays
“I think my most important job is to make space for people to be who they are and tell their own stories…My role is to cultivate relationship, cultivate curiosity, [and] create a sense of sacred space.” -Kelly Bean, Soultribe Cultivator
How do I love Kelly Bean? Let me count the ways! First, she’s a redhead (big points.) Second he has the totally adorable name. (more brownie points.) But most importantly, Kelly Bean is as gentle as she is wise, with more patience than anyone I know, and has a habit of waiting and listening until the solution arrives. (Unlike some redheads we know. Hi. Me.)
There’s nothing like learning from a pro, and at 20-plus years of nurturing the same Soultribe (it’s a record!) Kelly can really give us insight into how to keep something going through the ups, downs and seasons of life.
This is a long, but excellent interview and features a unique shared-leadership model called Leadership by Triad which I’ve never heard of anyone else using. Plus there’s loads of stuff in here for those of you who are in the process of a church break-up, or who are Leaving Church. And don’t miss the bit where she lays out some of the common pitfalls Soultribes trip into, and how to avoid them. I recommend you print this out and pop it in your bag. You’ll want to underline and highlight this winsome goodness, I promise.
Kelly generously gave us her time to write up this interview, so she could encourage and guide you. In the spirit of our on-going Sacred Commerce experiment, please let me know if you’d like to send Kelly a thank-you gift from your Etsy or other shop. (My email is moi at magpie-girl dot com.)
And now without further ado my Soulsister, Kelly Bean, and the Soultribe at Third Saturdays.
Background: Could you tell us what kind of Soultribe you belong to: What do you call it? How often do you meet? How long have you been together as a group?
My soultribe is called Third Saturday.We are a community of people following in the way of Jesus. Our gatherings vary in size from 15-30 -which includes 6 kids ranging in ages 1 to 13. We meet twice a month for sure and sometimes more frequently.
I began to host this group over 22 years ago. I remember my daughter (who is now 23 years old) was just beginning to crawl when we first started. I can still see her playing in the center of the circle of friends, although now she is a mother herself. Over time I have become the ‘official’ cultivator of this community (thanks Rachelle for the great title, “cultivator.”) I’d venture to say that most of the current participants have been attending for seven to ten years.
Group Content: What does your typical evening together look like? [Read more →]
Saturday Housekeeping
Hello Loves,
There’s a lot going on over here, and even now I hear the sound of my hubby vacuuming —unbidden!— downstairs. While he does the IRL housekeeping I’ll do the virtual stuff. Here’s what’s going on today in Magpie Girl world.
Soulsisters!
Are you coming on the Soulsister’s ’09 Retreat? Do you wish you were? Do you want to form your own tribe of soulsisters (or soulsiblings?) Follow our progress and learn our hopes here.
Fun & Helpful Twitter Play-a-Longs
Do you Tweet? So do I! I’m starting some fun new trends on Twitter.
- #gigglepics: photos to cheer you up or soothe your soul via TwitPic.
- #dailywhimsy: cheeky little tweets about the playful things we do to embrace whimsy.
- #dreamboards: do you dreamboard? share your results using links to your blog, Flickr, or Twitpic.
- #soulsisters: for those of us attending the first retreat and dreaming or forming the next one.
- #doless:join The DO LESS Revolution and learn to do what Leo Babatua calls “the fine art of choosing the essentials,” and achieve what I call “concentrated living.” (Plus, just feel better!)
- #soultribes: follow the “How to Build Your Soultribe” series and share ideas and plans with others.
- #*8Things: to share your weekly *8Things and see what others come up with. (It’s fascinating)
Wreck this Journal
Over at Starshyne Productions, my soulsister Jamie Ridler offers The Next Chapter — virtual book clubs for the arty at heart. Right now she’s encouraging us to make a mess with Keri Smith’s Wreck this Journal. Eden, Cate and I started wrecking ours two summers ago. But I’m working on finishing the demo now. Here’s my page for this week. The instructions were “cover this page with white things.” It’s doubling as this month’sdreamboard. My theme for the month is “be still. be now.”
Hope you all have a wonderful Saturday. Don’t do too much housekeeping…go outside and do something whimsical!
Love,
Magpie Girl
The Soultribe Practitioner Interviews: Christine Valters Paintner & Deep Support
Some people love theory and some people love praxis. I’ve always been a big fan of praxis myself, which is why I’m delighted to continue our series of interviews with Soultribe Practitioners. Theoreticians can tell you why things work. Practitioners tell you how things work.
Christine Valters Painter is one of the rare few who can do both. 
In this interview Christine talks about several types of Soultribes and how their natural life cycle progressed. Last month’s Soultribe Practitioner, Melissa Lindgrenof the Knitta’s talked about a more light-hearted group designed to share-a-skill and tell a story. This month Christine will give us insight in to forming a more intensive group with deep soul sharing with a different standard of expectation for commitment, attendance and involvement. Both types of group are great – which kind you form just has to do with what scratches where it itches.
And now, without further ado, Ms. Christine Valters Paintner: Spiritual Director, Benedictine Oblate, Photographer, Author, Teacher, Dog Lover, Zine Maker, World Traveler and PhD (among other marvelous things) [Read more →]
Sacred Commerce: on finding a new way to serve and sustain.
Last Friday I spent 6 hours doing on-line coaching. Which was kind of foolish. I mean, what vaguely sick, part-time therapist, full-time mom would book six back-to-back clients in one day, right? Get with the program lady!
But the thing is, I loved it. I absolutely loved it. One of my major themes in life is Only Connect. And nothing gives me energy or feeds my soul like a fantastic conversation. But in a mysterious way that I won’t even try to fit words around, as much as these kinds of conversation give me energy, they also take my energy. Do you know what I mean? They feed my soul; they drain my poor, fiddly, complicated body.
So Jena, Leonie and I are dreaming up ways that I could ensure myself adequate self care while still doing the work I love to do – direction/coaching/being yours on the journey. A lot of people charge for spiritual direction, and I myself have done so in the past. But I have just enough baggage that the exchange of money makes me feel all stressed and iggy (that’s a technical term.) The minute I put my shingle out on my door and start issuing invoices all my gremlins rise up and say: “What? You want people to PAY you? Damn girl, now you really better have some good advice. You better know the answers, or people will feel ripped off, big time. Phew. Better you than me, sister.”
In an ideal, self-actualized world, I would figure out how to work around this and just be a normal person and set up a sliding-scale fee. But in real life, it doesn’t work that way. At least not now.
Still, I know two things:
1) I want to spend as much time as possible helping out those malcontented seekers, recovering evangelicals, and creative soulful types out there….. and ….
2) If I do that I need some (more) support.
So here’s what I’m going to do. You know the Giant Pool of Wisdom? The one I’ve been trying to gather up over here at Magpie Girl? You contribute to it. Whether you know it or not, you really do. Even if you feel like all you ever do is lurk, or ask questions, or get a little teary in the comments — that’s a contribution. It makes us think, and gives others the chance to offer answers. It’s so SO important. It shows us that we’ve got game – both in that we desire change, and in that we are determined to make it (let it?) happen. I mean seriously people, we are POWERFUL.
But you’ve got more than ideological wisdom. You’ve also got skills, resources, and talent fuh sure! You make stuff, you heal people, you rock html. We are wealthy up over here, you readers and I.
So here’s what I’m thinking, rather than me charging fees and getting all trippy…..rather than y’all starting every email with “I know you don’t have a lot of time but…”….rather than feeling stressed and drained and tapped out…. let’s trust the pool. Let’s trust that there’s enough for all of us. Let’s trust that we can create a form of what Leonie calls “sacred commerce” – an exchange of goods, and skills, and affection that feeds that honors the community we are building here. Let’s experiment with putting what we can in the pool, taking out what we need, and trusting that it will all come out in the wash.
So here’s the deal. I’ll keep on doing what I do: writing posts, answering questions, responding to emails, making appointments for IM and Skype chats. And you do what you do: making comments, giving advice, wondering about things, creating stuff, offering your skill to the universe. And then-and this is the really important part–we will ask for what we need. I know. That sounds scary. But it’s okay, it really is. You’ll help people feel powerful by letting them help. And you’ll feel fantastic when you can help. Its symbiosis people, and it’s pretty fan-damn-tastic.
So I’ll start. If you are out there, splashing about in the Giant Pool, and if I’ve helped you in some way, or if you just feel glad we’re helping each other, then here are my requests. If one of them resonates with you, let me know. And if not, that’s okay. You should write or call or IM me anyway. Because I know stuff, and I care about you, and that’s a pretty great combination.
Rachelle’s List of Stuff She Might Find in the Pool
I need some long distance energy work to help me maintain my health in the midst of all this soulcare. So if you do Reiki or something similar, and you’d be willing to offer me so gratis care once or twice a month that would be wonderful.
I don’t need a lot of money, but I do need to earn a little to help even out the power balance thing in the household – and I don’t want to charge for my time. But you can help! If you would like to volunteer to be my Virtual Assistant for just one project, I’d love it. The project? Setting up some private ads on the sidebar of Magpie Girl. Let me know if that floats your entrepreneurial/web hacker boat.
I could use some Etsy love. If some of you Etsy gals would donate and item or two for me to give as thank-you gifts to the people I’m interviewing for the Soultribe Practitioners series that would be lovely. These women are going to inspire you, give you tips, and help you find your way. And they are spending a lot of time typing up answers for me to share. So if you’d be willing to send something from your shop with a thank you note from moi, I would surely appreciate your contribution.
Finally–and this is a Mondo Beyond dream for me-I need an editor. I’m looking for someone who loves what I write, and has a knack for selecting the essential. Someone who would be willing to spend a few days culling through my blogs, making a list of related links, and sending them to me saying “These 12-20 posts Rachelle, this is your book. Edit these up and you’re done.” Oh my God, if that happened it would be a minor miracle!
What do you think? Do we have what we need in the pool? How can I help? How can you help? Ideas and thoughts below please! And as always, thank you for being here.
The Soultribe Practitioner Interviews: Melissa Lindgren and the Knitta’s
A few months ago I listened to a TAL episode entitled The Giant Pool of Money. It’s an excellent explanation of the mortgage crises that is sweeping the nation – but for right now that’s neither here nor there. The reason I mention it is that the title burrowed its way into my brain, and now all I can think of is the phrase “A Giant Pool of Wisdom.” It’s a good phrase, don’t you think? And I am confident that we – you, and I, and all the lurkers out here (Hi lurkers! I love ya!) -can form such a pool. In fact, I know that we already have enough wisdom to fill that pool to overflowing. We’ve just got to share it.
So in our on-going efforts to figure out how to create our own Soultribes, I’m dipping into the pool and bringing up refreshing goodness one ladle at a time. To begin, I’m happy to introduce the very sassy, very funny friend Melissa Lindgren as our first guest in the Soultribe Practitioner Interview Series. (I know, she’s so fun right? Already you want to be her friend!)
Melissa and I met at our former Soultribe, Monkfish Abbey. Now she is a Soultribe facilitator hosting a knitting and storytelling group in Seattle, Washington. In this interview she talks about gathering her tribe, adjusting expectations, and figuring out what she values in a Soultribe.
Mis, Could you tell us what kind of Soultribe you belong to: What do you call it? How big is it? How often do you meet? How long have you been together as a group?
For the last 8 months a group of friends and I have come together to knit. We calling it “The Knitting Group” or simply ”Knitting” (I tried “The Knitstas” and “The Knitta’s” but they really didn’t take) It started out with about 15 of us and has shrunk to about 8.
What was it about story that made you want to form a group around storytelling? What do you think is valuable in sharing our stories?
My University of Washington research has centered on knitting and storytelling as tools to form community. As I’ve drifted further and further away from concrete concepts of spirituality, and even further from conventional forms of church, I was in need of a weekly group that could give my life more rhythm and community. So I started a knitting group and began researching how telling stories and knitting together can form a powerful community.
I wanted to add stories to a knitting circle, because I’m in the business of stories. It’s what I do. I think there are a lot of things we do that are instinctive to us. And some of us are lucky when our interests also have a long history of being important, as it gives us meaning and a certain sense of legitimacy.
Stories are something so very basically human–they are a way of being remembered, remembering, owning, teaching, loving, laughing, being known…And I am drawn to stories for all of those reasons. But the real reason I included stories in my knitting group is because I love to hear a good story, I’m good at telling my own, and that’s how I wanted to wile the Seattle evenings away.
It is in no way lost on me that I chose a traditionally women-oriented craft (knitting) with another craft that has a somewhat complicated relationship with women (story-telling/having a voice). My group was really intentioned to be a space that glorified the story more than the storyteller–I wanted to hear well-crafted stories–stories that had a lot of depth, intrigue, humor, and suspense.
What does your typical evening together look like? Who decides what you will do together? Who facilitates?
I’m the facilitator, I decide. :-) I started this group as a way to get together with my friends and as an independent study for my B.A. in English. The goal was to come together and knit and tell stories. I sent out emails every week telling people the topic of the stories and re-iterating the location (my living room).
Though people participated in the story-telling it really wasn’t what was driving the group. So I backed off with the stories and just sort of let the group chit and chat where it wanted. These were decisions i more or less made on my own, but were usually bounced off of a friend or two in the group.
What kind of people attend? How did you initially find and gather these folks? How do people find you now that you’ve been around for a while?
The kind of people who attend are the out-going-est of my friends who are interested in knitting. I initially invited everyone I wanted to see on a weekly basis, but it has shrunk to people who need some sort of weekly outside social group. Though it sometimes feels like we are cousins with lives completely known to each other, often someone in the group will invite an unknown visitor who we all smother and gawk over. :-) Some people just want a lesson in knitting or are stuck in a project and come to get help and then fade back into their normal Wednesday night routines without us.
How long did it take your group to gel? What was that process like? If you got to a sticky point where you weren’t sure it was working out, how did you know to press on? When did you know you had “clicked” together?
Hmm. There was a core group that already knew and liked each other. If other people were uncomfortable or weren’t having fun, they just didn’t come back. I often tried to bribe them back because my core group needs to expand itself a little more. My bribes weren’t very bribe-y though.
I had a couple people who came who were young, loud, and didn’t listen to other people’s stories. It was greatly irritating and slightly amusing. But the point, at least at first, was to knit and learn to tell great stories. So the next week, I added that after each story 3 questions would have to be asked to the teller before we could move on to the next story. This was to help our listening skills and our story telling skills (it’s a good practice to examine why we include or exclude certain parts of a story). But the noisy youngin’s didn’t come back. And I eventually took them off the email list. I have to admit I felt relieved when they didn’t come back, but I also felt old. Very very old. (Rachelle says: I would like to insert here, that Melissa is in her twenties and one of my youngest friends, so the old things is kind of cracking me up.)
Why do you think people come to your group? What does being together do for you? What are the benefits of belonging to this kind of Soultribe?
Right now, people come to hang out. But there were a couple months in there that people came to connect in a soft comfortable way.
I once asked the group what kind of stories they loved to hear and it was always stories that were personal, stories the teller had connected to. When I asked what kind of listener they liked to tell stories to, they described someone who could enjoy the details and the setup, feel sad at the sad parts, feel tense at the build-up, and laugh at the jokes (even if they weren’t the best of jokes). Basically they not only described themselves, they described someone who could connect to their stories. And that’s why we met for awhile–to connect to each other through our stories.
What did you think your group would be like? How did it actually turn out? What’s that like for you?
I thought all sorts of different friends would come together and eventually we would be the group that when it was your turn to tell a story, you put your knitting down and walked around the room telling these grand stories (and the group size would be about 10-15 of the closest wisest and funniest people).
But really we just sort of sat in our chairs unless getting a snack or asking for help and told stories that almost always started out with “Heh, that reminds me of this one time…”
It was a little sad for me at first. And it made my research project a little harder. But there were several meetings that were exactly what I wanted, which felt great. But it takes a surprising amount of planning, creativity, intentionality and tenacity to get a group of people to willingly do what you want. It’s like herding kittens-or worse, herding children. I mean, most people don’t naturally want to do what you want them to, and this is something worth grappling with. And drinking about.
What would you have done differently in the early days of your Soultribe? What did you do that worked well in the early days of your Soultribe’s development?
I think I would have been more specific in wanting it to center around stories more. I thought that I could just sort of sneak them in and people would automatically respond with great stories and accolades of “I HAVE FOUND MY VOICE!” I think I lacked a certain confidence in my desire.
What did work were comfy chairs and snacks. Everytime. And good snacks too. Also, re-assuring people many, many times that it was ok if they didn’t know how, they could learn to knit. Many people learned to knit for the first time, or learned something new.
What other tidbits would you like to add to our giant pool of wisdom?
One thing I wish I would have been told as a kid, was that there is no way one person was going to be everything you needed. Oh the agonizing conversations in my head, “My partner makes me laugh and treats me with so much respect and love…but he doesn’t know how to talk about books…we’re probably not meant to be together!” I have learned to include more people in my interaction needs. And it has made my relationships so much richer now that the pressure is off.
The same, I think, could be said of Soultribes. I think they are capable of being a central community for people but most likely not the ONLY community–which is something probably more obvious to the group than the facilitator.
Okay now readers, your turn! What ideas and inspirations grabbed you after hearing Melissa’s story? What questions do you have for one another? What are you taking away (or putting in to) the Giant Pool fo Wisdom today? Feel free to muse away in the comments below….
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