I was away on Dia de los Muertos, but when we got back on the first the girls and I put up our annual altar. This year as we arranged our icons and sugar skulls I noted how this practice, once so unfamiliar, has become increasingly rich for us a family.

This year I turned a postcard of Vincent VanGogh  into another icon for our memorial. It made me wonder, who would you put in a shrine of *8 people who have influenced you? Here are my *8 Saints and Sinners. (God love ‘em!)

1. Vincent VanGogh - a soulmate who helps me journey through pain and creativity.
2. Rosa Parks – an icon made by my husband, who is always inspired by bravery for the sake of justice.
3. Simeon David Chapman – our first child who was stillborn. The girls love putting his tiny tin shrine up for All Souls.
4. Pauline Jarrett Mee - my Grandmother, making her second appearance this year at the shrine.
5. John Everett Mee – my Grandfather, who’s been on our shrine since just after Cate was born. The last thing he did was fly to Seattle to meet her. When he landed back in California, he went straight to the hospital and never returned. But he was determined to deliver Cate’s traditional pair of baby cowboy boots–black with silver sparkles. That was my Buddy.
6. St. Catherine of Sienna — my favorite historical saint and the woman Catie is named after.
7. Mama God – a tiny clay sculpture helps me remember (and regain) the Feminine Divine.
8. Jesus — I firmly believe that “Jesus got ‘jacked.” I miss the real guy, don’t you?

Who are your *8 Saints and Sinners? Tell us in the comments below, or better yet, grab a *8Things  button and play along. Don’t forget that we need the unique permalink in the list. Thanks for playing!

Love Magie Girl? Want to get in on more play alongs like *8Things? Interested in upcoming books and on-line Soultribes? Sign up for the mailing list to get news about special events and offers. Thanks for being here!

*8 Things that Helped Us
 Turn Our Personal Housing Crisis into an Opportunity
By Stephanie Walker

Last year at this time, our house was on the market, our bank account was negative and my husband Bob and I were both unemployed. Things were not quite going according to plan. The plan, when Bob’s high-paying contract got cut short, was to sell the house, pay off our debts, rent and start over again. We didn’t want to sell our house, but it was the only way out. We were sinking way too fast. We needed a new plan. The new plan, we agreed, was to turn our financial disaster into an opportunity. Somehow. You know, the whole idea of never letting a  good crisis go to waste. Our crisis, we firmly believed, could be an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to learn, to re-prioritize. A challenge, indeed. But a worthy challenge. We may lose it all, but what we would gain in the process could be something more valuable than any house.

With that new thinking, we moved through our foreclosure story. Yes, it became a foreclosure story. We defaulted on our loan and received the “Notice of Intent to Accelerate” from the bank the week before Christmas 2008. In the end, to make a very long and exciting story short, we ended up selling the house in a short sale, narrowly avoiding foreclosure. We sold 90% of our possessions and moved to the suburbs of Chicago to live with my family. We’ve been here for three months. And in less than a week we will be moving to the San Juan Islands where we will be house-sitting for two years and living rent-free. Yes. From a $5,000 mortgage to rent-free. From Los Angeles, California to an island in the Pacific Northwest.

Here are 8 Things that helped us turn our personal housing crisis into an opportunity

1. Talking: I know, this is easier said than done. But now is not the time to keep your concerns, fears, resentments or pain to yourself.  Talk about how you’re feeling. Share. Be vulnerable. Does this sound trite? Well, it’s not. Bob is not one to automatically share openly his darkest thoughts. But when he did, it helped not only him but me. It was helpful to know what he was struggling with internally so that I could be more patient or give him the space he needed. And he found that saying it out loud lessened the hold these fears had when internalized. Express it and let it go.

2. The pact: Bob and I made a pact with each other to turn our crisis into an opportunity. We promised each other that we would view every hurdle as an opportunity for growth. That this could be the perfect chance for us to learn how to be happy in the face of any circumstance. We promised to be at our best. And to be there for each other. This pact worked because we were both so profoundly committed to it. We understood that without this pact, our chances for happiness were slim. So we respected the pact and held to it. You can make a pact like this with yourself, but I recommend sharing it with another person so that they can help you keep it in existence.

3. Allowing Others In: Of course we were embarrassed about our situation. We felt like dummies. Idiots. Failures. But we trusted that our friends  and family would not judge us as harshly as we were judging ourselves. And we let them in. I’m not saying we showed them our budgets or our credit report. But we did tell them what was happening along the way. We told our friends and family and eventually our neighbors. And then I started writing about everything on “Love in the time of Foreclosure.” We held nothing back.

When our bank account was overdrawn, they brought us homemade lasagna. When I was stressed, they took me out for happy hour. When we just needed to talk, they listened. When we had our estate sale, they were there first thing in the morning running the show. Our friends were amazing. Amazing. The best part about allowing them in on our financial problems, we didn’t have to pretend anything. I don’t know how we would have been able to actually hide our financial disaster, but I can imagine how stressful that would have been. This one requires letting go of your pride. To let others in means to truly be vulnerable. To say, like we did, We screwed up and are in big financial trouble. This is what’s going on. We’re committed to turning this into a good thing some how. We let them into our lives and into our “plan.”

A huge benefit to allowing others in? They have really good advice. Things you wouldn’t think of on your own, necessarily. They send you links to articles that have a wealth of information you need. They put you in touch with people who can help. They share their own stories about their tough times that not only allows you to feel better, but give you hope that if they made it through, you will too.

4. Have Fun: Just because you are facing losing everything, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. This is so important. Yes, we were working our butts off. I had two jobs at one point. We were doing everything we could think of to market the house which included constant cleaning. We didn’t have discretionary funds. But we still had fun. We went for walks. Discovered new parks. Bob competed in the Grilled Cheese Invitational . We watched shows on Hulu. We went to the beach. Hiked in the mountains. Sat by the fire. Had friends over. We had fun. We were committed to being happy even in foreclosure. In this kind of a pact, fun is a key ingredient.

5. Exercise: I am prone to anxiety. When I was a kid I used to think I had a breathing problem. At  least that’s what I would tell my parents when it felt like my lungs were incapable of fully expanding: “I think I have a breathing problem.” Well, I discovered that ‘breathing problem’ was actually anxiety. The best cure for anxiety – in my experience- is exercise. It’s hard because the more stressed I get, the less time I have for exercise. But if I don’t, I am only setting myself up for anxiety. Exercise helped me so much through one of the most stressful times of my life.

6. Daily Checkpoints: Every morning when we walked the Pug we would talk about what we would do that day. What we were committed to accomplishing and what we were going to work on personally. Some days I’d wake up so overwhelmed I didn’t want to have this conversation. Luckily on those days, Bob was on the other side (and vice versa.) He would talk me through it. We’d start with ‘clearing out the cobwebs’ before we would talk about our goals for the day. Then, at the end of the day we would recap. How did it go? Did we do what we said we would do? If not, what was in the way? What did we learn and what can we be grateful for? This might sound like it would require a very long conversation, but we were actually able to go through this in about ten minutes. The days we did this always went better than the ones we didn’t. You can create a pact, a vision statement so to speak, but it doesn’t live on its own. It requires constant re-presencing or it will die. Our pact to be our best, turn this crisis into the opportunity of our lives and be happy in the process needed daily care to thrive.

7. Make a Difference for Others: Have you ever noticed that when you have your attention on the well-being of others, you’re less worried about yourself? Well, I have. Bob and I met doing a 500-mile bike ride for charity. On that ride we both talked about how much easier the ride was when we were cheering others on. We’d be at the top of a hill before we realized how difficult the climb was when we were cheering other riders up the hill. The same is true in life. We’re all in this together. And there are so many with great need. In the midst of our foreclosure battle, we collected donations and went on a bus trip down to Mexico to visit an orphanage with a non-profit organization Corazon de Vida. Getting outside of ourselves and focusing on others made such a huge difference. It really puts things in perspective!

8. Believe: (insert cliche here.) I don’t know how to bring this point home without sounding completely cliche. But in the midst of a crisis, you must believe. Believe in your own strength to pull through. Believe that things will improve. Believe that you’ll be stronger for surviving. Believe that you are not alone. I voted for Barack Obama. I was inspired – and still am- by his stand for humanity. By his willingness to stand for and speak about belief and the power it holds. As he said during his campaign: “I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about change in Washington… I’m asking you to believe in yours.”

Read more of Stephanie and Bob’s inspiring story at Love in the Time of Foreclosure. And if you’re selling a house, watch for Pam Weinert (Stephanie’s mom) as she offers real estate advice on Wednesdays at LITTOF. (So helpful! )

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What’s Your Ideal Day?*
*Undying gratitude to Pam Slim for reminding me how important this really is. 

A few years ago, my husband and I were at a crossroads. We’d been working overseas for 4 years and knew it was time for a change. We felt like we could go anywhere and do anything. Really. It was exhilarating to think of the possibilities, but honestly, it was mostly overwhelming.

We thought about spinning the globe and putting our finger down somewhere, but we were afraid we’d just end up in the middle of the Pacific, thousands of miles from land. So we asked a few questions. What do we really want? What are we ready to try? Where do we see ourselves a year from now?

Then we found a variation of the Ideal Day exercise. There are many versions out there, but the basic premise is that you imagine your perfect day, in minute detail. Once you have that, you know where to begin. You have something to work towards. A North Star, if you will.

When we first did this exercise, I pictured myself living in a large city, walking or biking everywhere, including to my own painting studio. At the time, we were living in Africa, I was teaching high school English and riding around in Land Rovers. All of these things seems so far out there, that I thought of them as nearly impossible.

Last year, I realized as I was walking to my studio in Seattle, that I was living a version of my earlier ideal day. Of course, since then my ideas have expanded and grown a bit.

I’ve recorded a version of this exercise to help you visualize this. Take a few minutes some time over the next couple of days and listen. Be surprised by what you see.

Important: Be sure to write down the details from your visualization, so that when they’re realized you can go back and celebrate!  I’d love to read about your ideal day in the comments, too.

Find Jolie’s musings about life at her blog, or purchase her beadwork, paintings, and limited edition prints at her on-line shop. Thanks for being here! 

Important Announcement
Hello Revolutionaries! It’s time for an important troop briefing. This will be the last DO LESS Revolution post at Magpie Girl. Why you might ask? Because the Revolution is going underground briefly so it can re-emerge as an Ecourse on doing less and living more.

 Through comments and emails I’m finding that while this material is helpful, some of us need a hand to hold. So I’m working hard to offer a 6 week course with soulful, focused assignments; on-line group support and personal coaching. This will help you pare down your life, allow you to focus on the essential, and move you into a more concentrated, powerful form of living. I’m super excited to offer this course to you, and hope it will be available as an advanced preparation for the over-booked holidays. (A calmer Holiday Season… wouldn’t THAT be nice?) If I can’t get it prepped by then, we’ll do it in January as a New Year’s soulcare practice. So stay tuned for some personalized, focused support coming your way!

The One Goal Concept
But before we take our hiatus, let’s talk about the One Goal. Remember when we were choosing our Most Important Tasks (M.I.T.s)?  Well some of us were struggling to identify those M.I.T.s , even with the help of our Guiding Values. It’s a common problem. But Leo Babauta’s concept of One Goal can really help. Leo’s theory is that if you have just One Goal, say for the next year, and you break that down into sub goals, it will keep you focused and motivated. (For a more detailed left-brain take on this process see “Chapter 7: Simple Goals and Projects” in The Power of Less.)

My application of this theory has been to name One Goal for my vocational life – my “calling” as it were.  To me, this is not something I chose, but something that chose me-a powerful internally motivated pull towards work that has attracted me my entire life.  However, even though I’ve been moving in this direction for a long time, I could not name my One Goal until recently. Let’s look at my One Goal and how I use it. Then I’ll give you a handy-dandy assignment to help you uncover your own.

My One Goal is about helping The Giant Pool of Wisdom grow. This means teaching about soulcare, and encouraging others to teach what they know as well.  So to shorthand it, “Teach” is my One Goal. Let’s look at how my One Goal gets translated into the work that I do every day. It involves: determining which methods I’d like to use to meet that goal; breaking the goal into sub goals; and creating a task list of steps which can be accomplished in a relatively short amount of time.  Here’s my example: 

One Goal: Teach
Methods: writing, podcasting, Ecourses, guest lecturing
Sub goals:produce a series of PDF/POD books, create Ecourses, and offer spiritual direction to clients
Tasks (for books): gather already written material, create outline, design layout, edit current chapters, write additional chapters, request guest chapters and introductions, etc.

To help me stick to my One Goal, the sub goals and the tasks at hand, I’ve created a couple of “personal quotes” that sum things up for me. The two I’m working with right now are:

“There ain’t no place to go but together” (This reminds me that what I am doing is valuable, not just to me but to others.)

“Your story is important, sing it from the rooftops” (This I borrowed fromJen Lemen. It reminds me that my story — and the stories I’m helping others tell — are valuable, powerful, and much needed in this world.)

Assignment
Now, that’s all very well and good for me. But perhaps right now you are thinking, “I would really like to throw a book at Rachelle’s head.” I’m sorry. I know it’s hard when you are overwhelmed, or stuck, or just plain feel like giving up. But fear not, help is at hand in the form of -you guessed it-an assignment. Here are some things you can play around with to help you find your One Goal.

1. M.I.T. History. Have you been writing down your M.I.T.’s? If not, start now. After two weeks, or even after a few days, look over your old lists. What do you find yourself prioritizing most often? What tasks do you actually get done on your MIT lists? Which do you put off doing? These are directing you towards your One Goal. What are those things telling you about your passions and priorities?

2. Clarity from the Trenches. Look back at your Have Done list. What things did you highlight as things that give you good energy? Those are pointing the way. What things aren’t on your list that you wish were there? Perhaps you wish you had stuck with your language lessons, or made more time to work on a creative project. That’s valuable information about what your One Goal should be as well.

3. Job History. Make a list of all the jobs, paid or unpaid, you have had over the years. Alternately, make a quick list of all the projects you have started (whether you finished them or not.) They make look quite disparate at first. But there is an over-arching theme. While working with my Life Coach, Jena Strong, I made a list of all my past jobs: special events fundraiser, cultural and educational event programmer, social worker at a teen shelter, pastor, spiritual director for hire, freelance writer, and blogger. As I moved from one job to the next, I would mentally put that era in a storage box on a shelf. When I looked at all those dusty boxes I tended to think of each of those eras as a mistake. How could those have been the right choice if I tired of them and moved on? Jena helped me see that they weren’t individual boxes full of mistakes, but rather the building blocks of one great theme: Teaching. Teaching about the needs of the organizations I raised funds for. Teaching people about arts and culture. Teaching the kids at the shelter, and the community about the needs of those kid, etc. This revelation that all of my work was linked by a common theme, not only redeemed my choices, but also brought my One Goal into focus. And it had the added benefit of helping me feel more confident about my next venture, rather than looking into the future and worrying that whatever I did next would just be a dusty box in a few years time. What can your list do for you? See if you can distill it into one powerful, intoxicating theme.

4. Got It? Flaunt it! Do you think you have your One Goal Figured out? Then scroll back up a few paragraphs and break it down a little. What methods will you use to embody that goal? What sub goals can you break your One goal down into? What are the tasks you need to do to meet your sub goals? And what personal quotations can you create as act a mantra or motivator for your journey?

Now, perhaps you can see why I don’t lead the DO LESS Revolution with this One Goal concept. How can you do such heady work if you are overpowered by a to-do list as long as your arm? The first exercises in the DO LESS Revolution are like doing demolition work with explosives. With your master to-do list in one hand and your sharpie in the other, you blow stuff up and sweeping it out of the way. Now, the One Goal process is more like a surgical strike. You work to focus in on one guiding goal, which in turn lets you live a powerful, concentrated life where you actually do the work you love every day.

So keep at it my fellow revolutionaries! We are making progress! Let us know in the comments below if you’ve gained any insight into your One Goal. Or tell us where you are getting stuck. We of the enquiring minds want to know. Viva la Revolution!

The Do Less Revolution is a soulcare project from Magpie Girl. Click here to join or find all the DO LESS posts here. Recieve an update on new Do Less items by following us on Twitter. Thanks for being here!

For more about *8Things, click here.

You know you have them. Those tricksy little things that suck away your time and cast your good intentions into the corner of the universe reserved for socks-that-get-lost-in-the-dyer.

I am a particularly good victim to these little items. And while I’m not sure what to do about them, I thought if I made a list, I’d at least recognize them when I see them. So here are my *8Things:  Enormous Time Suckers:

1. Hulu. I admit it. I’m a Hulu whore. You can’t even stream Hulu in Europe — unless you are such an addict you find a work-around. (Hello Hotspot my old friend…) When I ran out of episodes of my favorite shows, I started watching stuff I do not even like. (Private Practice Rachelle? Seriously?)

2. The Tryanny of “The Best.” I spend loads of time — and I’m talking hours of dithering– tyring to decide the best use of my time. New method? Step 1: Write down 3 things that have to get done today or somebody’s gonna be disappointed about something. Step 2: Start one.  Step Three: Repeat the mantra “Nothing is ever wasted.”

3. Facebook Applications. I use FB like it is my own personal office assistance.  It’s truly valuable to me. Until the elusive appeal of the ‘Pick 5′ application comes around. Or the siren call of the the books and music boxes. That way lies madness.

4. Organizing. Junk drawers, sock drawers, linen closets. I love them all. When the girls were toddlers I would set up the dollhouse everyday, just to have some order (and to avoid the need to order my own big house!)

5. Regret. Lots of energy spent on this…less so nowadays tho, thanks in part to this. (Phew.)

6. Worrying. My favorite things to worry about are my kids, especially the one who doesn’t live with us. Right now tho, I’m worrying less about him and more about Eden, who is not at all challenged at school and who is having trouble making Danish friends. School worries are huge for me.

7. Wondering.What would it be like to be emotionally balance? What is the 19yo up to? Can you make gluten free challah? My mind rarely quiets down.

8. Obsessing about Food. Okay, this is kind of a necessity right now, because I’m re-learning how to eat without gluten or sugar. But I do think my mind spends waaaay to much time on food, and my body spends too much time preparing it. (The children, they need to eat HOW often?) I have separate blogs to “help” with this obsession, the theory being if you give it a place to live it won’t knock on your door as much.

What is your *8Things: Time Suckers list? Put it in the comments below or grab a button and play along. And for a soulcare challenge, why not try to curb the enthusiasm of one or two of them?  Me, I’m eliminating the “email me when there’s something new in my Queue” option on Hulu.  What will you do? Do tell, and thanks for being here!

Today at Magpie Girl, Jamie speaks with us about the way creative souls recieve feedback, and how to honor our emotions while learning from the curve ball that criticism and critque can sometimes throw at us.  Do you have a teen or tween? Pass this on to them as well. It’s a life skill I wish I had acquired at 13 instead of 30! Jamie, take it away….

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Recently I asked people why it’s so important to us that people like our artwork. In my own life, I’m noticing how that’s also true for me about anything that I’ve really put my heart into. When I offer a workshop, I’m hoping with all my heart that people are going to love it, that they’ll feel inspired and hopeful and glad they took part.

There’s something wonderful about this. It inspires me to offer my best work and to learn and grow all the time. It comes from a place of deep commitment to the participants and a sincere desire to make a difference in their lives. It reminds me that creating a workshop or a newsletter or a meal or an event is a creative act, one that you pour your soul into.

And what happens if despite all of that, people don’t like it?

Here’s how I’ve learned to handle negative feedback. I hope it bolsters your tender heart the way it has bolstered mine:

1. Let yourself feel what you feel. If I’m hurt, disappointed, angry, defiant or whatever else, I get to experience that like a storm until it settles. I don’t have to pretend it’s not there, judge it, rise above it. I just get to feel what I feel.

2. Look for learning. Once the storm starts to quiet, I see if there’s anything I’d like to respond to. I’m not adjusting the work for one particular person. If I move away from the core of my vision to accommodate someone else, it starts to feel wobbly and I start to feel insecure. That lets me know that I’m moving in the wrong direction. But if I use the information to see if I can bring my creation closer to what I dream of for it, then I can use it to improve the work. There’s joy and confidence in there. The difference is palpable.

3. Let go of what’s not useful. If someone just didn’t like what I’ve created or offered or shared, but it’s something that I believe in or love or is true to me, I remind myself that not everyone is going to love what I do, and that’s fine. What I’ve learned from the information is that my gift is not for this person. I can let the rest go. 

4. Trust. I remind myself that my people are out there, people who will appreciate my unique gifts and offerings. One of the truly important things about blogging is it allows us to extend our reach in finding our people, so that when we share what is uniquely and authentically our gift, we have more of an around-the-world opportunity for someone to read it and get it.

Molly Gordon talks about how in business we have a niche and we have an offer. I think this is true in life generally. Our offer is what we sincerely, authentically bring to this world. It’s who we are and what we share. And our niche is that place, that ecosystem according to Molly, in which that offer is easily and recognizably of value. There’s nothing to be taken personally about being a rainforest plant who doesn’t fit into the desert. Just keep looking for home and reaching out to your people.

Jamie Ridler MA CPCC is a creative self-development coach and director of Jamie Ridler Studios. She helps creative, independent spirits align their lives with their hearts and pursue their dreams with joy, courage and authenticity. She leads Circe’s Circle, a coaching telecircle for Creative Bloggers designed to help you start building your creative dreams. A new session stars September 15th. For updates and inspiration, you’ll find her on Twitter.

That’s happening with some of us who are gathering for Soulsisters ‘09 this weekend. We are workin’ on it! But I’m sure you have ideas about what to do too. So here’s a re-post fromthe Soulsisters blog –  ‘cuz we need Magpie Girl readers to add to our Giant Pool of Wisdom. Can you help? ……

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So I’ve heard through my Twitter and email that our Gremlins are chattering away at us and they aren’t being very nice. Gremlins, for those of you new readers our there, are the little voices in our heads who tell us un-true things. Most of the time they are trying to help, but they are a little mis-guided. But sometimes they are just downright being nasty.

According to Jen Lee, she of the Lovebombers–a group which was the inspiration for Soulsisters–the Gremlins like to get chatty right before we gather up with other powerful, creative women. And one of the things they like to say best is:

 ”You don’t belong here and nobody is going to like you.”

 Yeah, you’re right back in Jr. High. Sucks.

 So what can we do about it? I like to build my Gremlins a house where they can sit down and have a nice Gin and Tonic and SHUT UP ALREADY. I also write down all the things they are saying to me and put those quotes away for them. That way the Gremlins know I’m listening to them and sometimes quieten down. It also helps to say a little affirmation. My Gremlins are pretty silly, so I like the silly affirmation from Bill Smiley (was that his name?) on SNL:

 ”I’m loveable, I’m capable, and doggonit, people like me!”

When all else fails call a Soulsister and ask her to tell you *8Things that are Great about You. (She won’t mind, honest.) And remember, if your Gremlins are talking a blue streak, it’s a sure sign that something good is trying to get itself born.

Are your Gremlins coming out? (They also like to mess with your relationship with your significant other; sneeze on your children so they get strep throat right before you leave; and pour sugar in your carburetor.) What are your Gremlins up to? What are your tricks for dealing with the pesky little buggers? How can we help?

I am having a small-but-obvious love affair! Amanda Oaks and Jenn Gibson have captured my heart. These lovely ladies run Kind Over Matter, a beautiful and touching blog dedicated to scattering love offerings around the world.

This week the free downloadable gift from Kind Over Matter is a collection of affirmations from women I adore. Brandi over at Joy Rebel is joining the fun, along with my virtual soulsister Jamie Ridler. Amanda and Jenn are adding their wisdom, of course. And I get to play too!

Head over to Kind Over Matter after 9am EST Friday to download your free Printable Affirmation Gift Set. Each contributors affirmations are available as seperate download. Get mine here and find the rest here. So pop some cardstock in your color printer, and in a few minutes you’ll be cutting out presents for your soul — and for the dear souls around you!

 … Oh, and don’t forget to blow Amanda and Jenn a kiss for me! MWAH!

What is *8Things? Click here.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my tribe — both my family of birth, and my family of choice, the later of which is scattered over a virtual and real landscape. My heart swells with gratitude at the truly amazing souls who have floated, flitted, barged, and stumbled into my life. I truly would not be the person I am today without them. (And I like the person I am today. I really do!) So in honored of kindred spirits and kind souls, here are *8Things To Love About my Tribe:

1. They move between Weeds and Kierkegaard with equal aplomb.

2. They know good food and believe cocktails are important.

3. “Dangerously Compassionate” seems to be the tribe motto.

4. They don’t just tolerate my kids, they adore them.

5. They allow me to change, grow, morph and alter…

6. …and yet they remember all our old stories.

7. They get it that there really is a THERE there in cyberspace. (Hurrah for virtual community!)

8. Being with them is like a blood infusion crossed with an energy drink chaser.

What are your *8 Things to Love About Your Tribe?  Grab a button and play along. I can’t get Mr Linky to work this week, so put your permalink in the list below so we can link along and fall in love.

And a special SHOUT OUT to *8Things player Jenn from Freelance, Unconventional Nun who rang up my groceries at the food co-op last week, looked at me sideways and said, “Are you Magpie Girl?” Um? Make. My. Day.

The tea lights ring the room and ambient trip-hop spills from the speakers. There are seven of us around the table ranging in age from fifty to five. We’ve chatted a bit and filled our mugs. Now it’s time for cardstock and magazines, glues sticks and scissors. It’s the Full Moon. It’s time to Dreamboard.
A Dreamboard circle is one of the simplest Soultribes to form. It doesn’t require complicated leadership, and the supplies and techniques are very basic. You can form one easily with these simple steps…

Timing
Dreamboards are sometimes linked to the Full Moon. I find it’s hard for a group to strictly follow the full moon, since she falls on a different day of the week each month. So you might want to pick a set day (i.e. Third Thursdays) and make your boards together then, and just present them at home to the next full moon when she next arrives. It takes about 2 hours for a group to make and share their Dreamboards.
People
Invite a group of people to come and Dreamboard with you. Explain that Dreamboards are a simple collage to help us achieve our hopes and dreams by making them more tangible. Dreamboarding also helps us live more intentionally, and hold on to the important in the face of the urgent. (For more information on Dreamboards here’s an interview with a Dreamboard founder, Suzie Ridler.)

Reassure people that they don’t need to be artists to make a Dreamboard! It’s just collage – like in grade school! (It helps to include a simple example in your invite.) Don’t start with too big of a circle. I find 4-8 guests to be a good size, since you need plenty of room around the table for art supplies and elbows!

Who to invite? The lady in the carpool line with the bumper sticker you like. The person who’s always writing in their journal at the coffee shop while you write in yours. The teenage babysitter you chat about life with before you take her home. The woman who sit next to you in yoga. I bet if you think about it, you have plenty of candidates!

Supplies
Supplies can vary but this is my Short List:

• cardstock for the “board” part (plain or colored)
• magazines (design magazines like Dwell are great)
• scissors (a pair for everyone)
• glue sticks
• sharpies or other markers

And here is my Long List:

• origami paper
• stickers (especially gold stars and seals)
• wrapping paper
• alphabet stickers
• stencils
• Milagros
• rubber stamps (I like alphabet stamps)
• tiny envelopes

Inviting people to contribute to the supply bin helps form a common ownership amongst the group. Once people see what you can use, they will probably be eager to bring their “finds” from art supply stores, card shops, and their own craft cupboards.

Set Your Intention
I like to begin our circle by introducing the theme of the upcoming Full Moon. There are a lot of different names for each full moon, and you can find some of their meanings here. You can align yourself with seasonal energies by connecting your images on the Dreamboard to the themes held in that month’s moon. For instance Spring moons carry themes about softening soil and new beginnings, while Fall moons have harvest and abundance motifs connected to them. Of course, people can also make something unrelated to the moon that is timely for them.
Begin your dreaming time by helping people get centered. Something as simple as asking people to sit comfortable and take three deep breaths can still the room and settle your souls. Then invite people to start ripping pages out of magazines, snipping things out of colored paper, and pasting away.

Direct Newbies
Even though collage is very accessible, many people experience some anxiety when they first start making Dreamboards. Some things I’ve found helpful for new folks are to suggest that they work with a theme.

• Color Themes: What color represents what they are dream of this month? Orange sunny energy? Cool blue comfort? Suggest that they pull images from magazines that are in those colors. They can decide later which ones to use and how to use them.
• Image Themes: Another way to narrow things down is to work on an image theme. For instance, one friend works a lot with water images, and she’ll often start her board by just tearing water pictures from magazines.
• Word Themes: For people who are less pictorial and more verbal, working with a certain word or set of words can help. Clipping a word ransom-note style from a magazine like “LOVE” or “JOY” and be a good central image to work around.

It’s also helpful to put out a big manila envelope. Use this to stash the bit people ripped out and decided not to use. Knowing there’s a place to keep these extra bits really helps people get over their fear of “wasting” a good image.

Share a Little
When people’s boards seem to be filling up, ask if anyone would like to share what their board is about. It’s important that you introduce this as an optional part of the circle. (Although in my experience most people choose to participate in this.) Then wish each other “Sweet Dreams,” take your Dreamboards home, and let them manifest good things into your month!

One More Thing
Once you get to month two into your Dreamboard Circle, you can start the gathering off by asking if anyone wants to share their experience with their last Dreamboard.
It’s always interesting to hear where people put them and how they interact with the boards over the course of a month. Sometimes the boards really “sing” and other times they seem dormant. I’ve had immediate results with my boards, and other times it’s been six months before I’ve looked back on an old Dreamboard and realized “Ah ha! That’s what that meant!”

For instance, I made a Dreamboard I titled “I was meant for the stage.” I thought it was about my desire to play and sing in front of an audience. But now I realize that my stage is the web and my mic is for podcasting. (Although I am still taking the guitar lessons I started when I made the board, just in case!)
And don’t forget, if you blog or use a site like Flickr, you can share you Dreamboard with other dreamers by adding your link to Jamie’s list each month over at Starshyne Productions. It’s a lovely way to get and share inspiration with each other. Enjoy your Dreamboarding…and may your circle come to you soon

Soultribes is an on-going series helping creative souls build a place to call home. Demonstrate your commitment to forming your tribe by adding this badge to your website, and follow us on Twitter to read the next edition. “There ain’t no where to go but together!”

“I think my most important job is to make space for people to be who they are and tell their own stories…My role is to cultivate relationship, cultivate curiosity, [and] create a sense of sacred space.”     -Kelly Bean,  Soultribe Cultivator

How do I love Kelly Bean? Let me count the ways! First, she’s a redhead (big points.) Second he has the totally adorable name. (more brownie points.) But most importantly, Kelly Bean is as gentle as she is wise, with more patience than anyone I know, and has a habit of waiting and listening until the solution arrives. (Unlike some redheads we know. Hi. Me.)

There’s nothing like learning from a pro, and at 20-plus years of nurturing the same Soultribe (it’s a record!) Kelly can really give us insight into how to keep something going through the ups, downs and seasons of life.

This is a long, but excellent interview and features a unique shared-leadership model called Leadership by Triad which I’ve never heard of anyone else using. Plus there’s loads of stuff in here for those of you who are in the process of a church break-up, or who are Leaving Church. And don’t miss the bit where she lays out some of the common pitfalls Soultribes trip into, and how to avoid them. I recommend you print this out and pop it in your bag. You’ll want to underline and highlight this winsome goodness, I promise.

Kelly generously gave us her time to write up this interview, so she could encourage and guide you. In the spirit of our on-going Sacred Commerce experiment, please let me know if you’d like to send Kelly a thank-you gift from your Etsy or other shop. (My email is moi at magpie-girl dot com.)

And now without further ado my Soulsister, Kelly Bean, and the Soultribe at Third Saturdays.

Background: Could you tell us what kind of Soultribe you belong to: What do you call it? How often do you meet? How long have you been together as a group? 

My soultribe is called Third Saturday.We are a community of people following in the way of Jesus. Our gatherings vary in size from 15-30 -which includes 6 kids ranging in ages 1 to 13. We meet twice a month for sure and sometimes more frequently.

I began to host this group over 22 years ago. I remember my daughter (who is now 23 years old) was just beginning to crawl when we first started. I can still see her playing in the center of the circle of friends, although now she is a mother herself. Over time I have become the ‘official’ cultivator of this community (thanks Rachelle for the great title, “cultivator.”) I’d venture to say that most of the current participants have been attending for seven to ten years.
Group Content: What does your typical evening together look like?

Group Content: What does your typical evening together look like?

Our meetings have changed over the years. We originally met for a couple hours on Tuesday nights. After our kids began school we shifted to meeting on Friday nights so the children could continue to come along and be with their friends. We met on Friday nights from 7:00 to well past 11:00 for about 10 years. When both our daughters were in high school we found that giving up a weekend night every week made it hard to participate in their activities and to know their friends. We wanted to be able to attend the Friday night ball games at the school, provide transportation and be available to them. At that point, about six years ago, we shifted to our current rhythm.

Our primary rhythm now is around our meeting on the Third Saturday (or sometimes the second or fourth J) of the month. We meet in my home—with the exception of two periods in this 23 years, when we were building or remodeling homes- during these times other group members “hosted.” We share a meal and engage in the evening’s ritual, relational connection, discussion topic.

We also meet the first Friday of the month for Taize Prayerat a local university. After prayer and silent contemplation we trek to a nearby establishment called Chez Jose where we share Mexican food, margaritas and conversation.

Who decides what you will do together? Who facilitates?

There is room for all voices. I guide the group but the general direction we take is borne out of listening to the group. For a few years we tried an experiment of leadership by Triad. Every month three different people from within the group would set the course for the month. They would plan all that we did for the Third Saturday gathering, even down to the potluck theme.

Together the Triad would determine what they wanted the group to do or what they wanted to bring to the group. Sometimes they would choose a topic that they were all fascinated with and they would bring three perspectives. Sometimes one Triad member might be a talker and the others would be introverts. In this case it might be that one introvert would bring a mix of songs they felt illustrated the theme the talker was unpacking and the other might lead a group discussion or an interactive art project to explore of the topic. A Triad might explore a global issue or a feeling or go deep into a scripture or poem. The past two years it seems we’ve had a lot international travelers in our group and we’ve loved learning from them upon their return.

My role is to cultivate relationship, cultivate curiosity, create a sense of sacred space, guide and direct in a way that helps to bring out all the group has to offer. My incredible husband Ken makes a good pot of coffee and is always glad to get a drum circle going at the end of the evening. (Magpie Girl’s Note: In my house we call this being the “Pastor’s Husband. That’s fun to trot out at church conferences, let me tell ya’!)

People: What kind of people attend? How did you initially find and gather these folks? How do people find you now that you’ve been around for a while?

I think that Third Saturday is a microcosm of the possibility of pluralism lived out over time. Together as a community, our life has given us occasion to navigate theological conversions and diversions, some divorces, the collapse of our mother church, graduations and adoptions, addictions- our own or our loved ones, economic boom and financial collapse. marriages, births and deaths (not always staged in that order). 

When we started out we were a rather monolithic group of slightly charismatic Evangelicals in our early years of marriage and of raising young children. We all attended the same church and held fairly similar beliefs. Now 20 some years later, although life has taken us on various courses, we faithfully gather to share, worship, study, serve and create together. But now we are now a motley mixture of people with affiliation to United Church of Christ, Episcopalian, Greek Orthodox, Albanian Orthodox, Baptist, Christian Missionary Alliance and Presbyterian congregations.

Some of us have detached from the “institutional” church completely, others have rediscovered faith in artist communities, others embrace doubt. Some are Republicans and others Democrats, some are prochoice and others are prolife. Some hold to Creationism and others are Darwinists. Some doubt the credibility of global warming and others are environmental activists. Some are Universalists and others are staunch Calvinists. Some are black and some are white. Some are grandparents and others are single college students. Some are artists, some are computer programmers, others are health care workers and still others are engineers. Some are homemakers, others are writers, a handyman, salespeople and entrepreneurs, a bike mechanic, an analyst, and masseuse are all in the mix. We all struggle at times and we all have victories. We are a small enough community that there is no anonymity. We are who we are.

Although all these things are true, we don’t generally think of each other in these categorical ways. We are bound together by shared history, by a heart for the poor, by care and respect that transcends “belief”, by many shared meals , by laughter and tears, by the stories we have trusted each other with, by the burdens we have borne together and by the strong thread of Jesus in our lives and in our midst.

As we have grown and changed over the years I recognize we have continually cultivated relational space which makes it possible to share an encounter of commitments. We retain our unique identities and hold our deepest differences even as we participate in dynamic, creative, life-rearranging relationships together.

Coming Together: How long did it take your group to gel? What was that process like?

How did we come together? Well, we mostly met in the same church at various points along the way. A few have come by word of mouth. At this point we are not “officially” an open community; we are not attempting to grow in size or to promote ourselves to that end. If someone has a friend who wants to come along we welcome them. Our more recent regular participants (including our awesome violinist) came to us in this way. 

This answer feels glib but, it seems like it has always worked. And for the handful who have left here and there over the years there has been a sense of a peaceful shift to something new for them. Maybe part of that is due to being flexible and willing to let things go rather than structure them too much. At the same time I do try to keep a plan up my sleeve so if things drag we can shift gears. I trust the spirit in the group and in the process. So something can be a flop and still be just fine. There is always another week!

I think my most important job is to make space for people to be who they are and tell their own stories, to do what I can to ensure that the environment is emotionally safe and supportive, to help people connect with each other and find a way they can belong and to create a relaxed welcoming atmosphere. If people feel safe, accepted, relaxed, connected and welcomed that goes a long way.

If you got to a sticky point where you weren’t sure it was working out, how did you know to press on? When did you know you had “clicked” together?

 I can think of a several sticky points that have been the downfall of many a community but we have weathered. Here are some of those-

Breakup
We were for many, many years, a community that existed within a church. That church; our “mother church”, went through a rough time and eventually disbanded. My husband and I left the church before it disbanded. At that point the community was comprised of people who left in a great deal of pain (like us) people who still thought it could work out and were loyal to the leaders who remained, and people who didn’t identify with any church. It was a tender time and everyone had deep feelings. We resolved to make space for each other to be wherever we needed to be and to trust each other in that. We participated in silent shared rituals for grief together (sitting Shiva together, floating prayer candles, writing our feelings as prayers) to acknowledge that everything was not well and that we could all grieve even if we were grieving completely opposite things.

I was very proud of how the community navigated that time. When the church did eventually shut down there was room for everyone to remain- and everyone chose to.

 Big Change
When we shifted to meeting twice a month (and only once a month in our home) this was a rough spot. Some people felt they would lose their community, others felt like we shouldn’t make such a change. Although some were fine with the decision it did raise strong doubt and dissension with others. In hind sight there may have been a better way to lead the group into the change, but it had become increasingly clear to us that we were sacrificing the best interest of our family and must make a change. After the announcement I met with concerned group members one on one and listened to their concerns and feelings. I acknowledged that I had moved swiftly without preparing the group for such a big change. Good listening and owning your own stuff goes a long way. Gradual and strategic introduction of the idea would have been a good idea too. But, by the time we reached the point that change was needed, it was past time to make the move. I did learn some things about leading people along gradually.

 Myopic 
A few years back I got to feeling that as a group, we had become much too self focused and ingrown. I led us through a process of group discernment to determine together as a community what our strengths were, what brought us together and kept us together, what we imagined and wanted for the future (and what we didn’t want) and where we could learn and grow.

This process led to a focus on global issues and local community engagement. The focus led us to do collaborative art projects to raise money for communities in Africa. It led us to serve each other in more practical ways and to think beyond the needs of the group. I was impressed by the initiative that the community took to make this shift.

Take-Away: Why do you think people come to your group? What does being together do for you? What are the benefits of belonging to this kind of Soultribe?

Some of the many benefits are shared meals (we love good food and beverage!), encouragement for the journey of life and faith, shared history, care for each other, practical support for day to day life and through hard times, authentic relationships, new ideas and study, a sense of belonging, shared ritual, a desire to grow as a person, a desire to be known, fun, a community that welcomes kids.

The Real and the Ideal: What did you think your group would be like? How did it actually turn out? What’s that like for you?

 Since Third Saturday has simply become what it is over the years and we all have changed in many ways along the way it feels tough to answer that question.

I sometimes look at Soultribes that are just launching. These generally come together around fairly clear mutually held theologies, beliefs and philosophical or political values- these are common and not bad reasons for  people to form groups. I look at these and at times I think “Ah that looks less stressful…no debates about global warming vs global warming hoaxes that make me cringe, no strongly held difference about abortion rights to navigate, no stress when your favorite political candidate comes up in conversation.”

But then I look at the way that we respect and learn from each other, the way we can share life and still make space for the “other” right in our midst, I remember the love that holds us, and I am reminded that in a world split by difference, this is a hopeful story.

When we started out we were a Bible study and prayer group, and that was okay for that time. Over time we have been a spiritual formation group, an emotional support group, a topical study group. In more recent years we are a group of people intent on always learning and growing, urging one another on to love and to good deeds, caring for the world and our local communities together and caring for each other through thick and thin. And that is more than enough.

Advice Girl: What would you have done differently in the early days of your Soultribe?

I have loved all stages of the evolution of Third Saturday. When I look back the one thing I would like to have done differently is to have relaxed about cleaning my house. Getting ready for a large group of people to gather in your home every week can be stressful if you aren’t particularly a good housekeeper (but wish you were!). When my kids were growing up I could be crabby and uptight the day we were getting the house ready. Thank goodness the kids loved the gatherings as much as the adults did or they would have resented that high pressure preparation more than they do. Still, it would have been fine to have my house look a little more lived in when people arrived and would have been more fun to prepare without pushing so hard at the last minute to pull it all together. Frankly this is good advice to all parents of young children when it comes to house cleaning- whether a Soultribe is coming over or not. Relax and enjoy! A little mess (or even a big one) never really hurt anyone. And in hindsight, being bitchy to get a house clean isn’t worth it.

What  other tidbits would you like to add to our giant pool of wisdom?

• Laughter is good.
• Listening is essential.
• Let the seasons of your life inform your direction. Listen to your life. My own spiritual journey and the unique needs of our family have shaped the direction for the community over the years. As I look back and see this come clear I am grateful.

Kelly Bean and a slew of her wonder women are up next at Christianity21, October 9-11 in Minneapolis. Loosely based on the TED Talks model, 21 speakers will hit 21 topics in 21 minutes each. It’s the hottest Christian conference I’ve seen in years — plus, all the women are speakers but it’s not a “women’s conference.” In the world of the church my friends, that is a small miracle. To find out how to meet the miracle workers, click here. Pay special attention to Nadia, Seth, Makeesha, and our grand dame, Ms. Phyllis. They will rock your socks!

Soultribes is an on-going series helping creative souls build a place to call home. Demonstrate your commitment to forming your tribe by adding this badge to your website, and follow us on Twitter to read the next edition. “There ain’t no where to go but together!”

There are things you want to be doing with your life. There are adventures to be had, projects you’d love to dive into, and people you want to have time for. You want room to breathe, to think, to play.

Yet, there it is. The stuff in your home, the paper piles in your home office, and the 101 things on your to-do list, all clamoring for your time and attention.”
–Lisa Baldwin, Clutter Coach and Professional Simplifier

In the gap between the day we signed our mortgage and the day we could move into our 1920’s craftsman, I would sit on the back porch with my soulful housemate Sharon, and wait for the day we could call The Densmore House home. “It’s good here, Rachelle.” she’d say “Someone has been prayerful in this space.”

Where we live has a feel, an energy…a zeitgeist. We long to live in peaceful, beautiful spaces. But often we find ourselves living in clutter, mess and mayhem. There’s the physical clutter—the mail, and the socks, and the stacks of paper. (How does all that paper procreate anyway?!) Physical clutter stops us in our tracks. It keeps us from starting creative projects—because who wants to work at that messy table? It keeps us from finishing tasks because we can’t find what we started on. It drains us of our inspiration, and tires us out with menial tasks.

Then there is the energetic clutter—the anxiety, the regret, and that mysterious slimy residue that hangs around when something particularly sad or nasty has gone down. Energetic clutter is more subtle than the physical kind. It resides on the edge of our awareness like something you can only see out of the corner of your eye. Yet energetic clutter can be just as distracting and draining as the stack of mail on your countertop.

Thankfully I have two stellar practitioners who can help you remove BOTH kinds of clutter from your life – and they are teaming up to offer an e-course! (Oh you are so lucky!)

First there is the zen-ish, pragmatic Lisa Baldwin of Divine Order, clutter coach and professional simplifier. She specializes in the practical how-to’s of clearing the clutter to help her clients—you!– recover a sense of self, increase your sense of calm, and heighten your internal confidence. Her work releases you to have more time and energy so you can focus on what matters to YOU.

Then there is the colorful, enthusiastic Leonie Allen of Goddess Guidebook. Leonie’s hopeful, joyful approach to all things mysterious empowers her clients to live the kind of life they dream of by accessing their internal strength, and gaining the help of the positive energetic forces that reside around us and within us.

Leonie and Lisa are teaming up to offer an e-course in house (and life!) decluttering – Divinely Decluttered: Six Weeks to A De-Cluttered, Space-Cleared Home. Lisa will bring the tip and techniques to clearing, and keeping, your home clutter-free. While Leonie’s self-professed woo-woo goodness brings treasures to clear out the icky, stressed-out spiritual residue from the place you call home. Her herbs, crystals and rituals will help you create centered, joyful energy in your internal and external living space. (Centered, joyful energy is Leonie’s trademark. Get a little taste of her generous spirit in this ten-minute Space Clearing 101 video here.)

Traveling too much to take on Divine Decluttering this Summer? No worries, you can sign up now and receive all the workbooks, mp3 meditations, and guidance whenever you are ready. (Ready is important. You gotta know what you are ready for.) Browse Lisa and Leonie’s personal sites, or check out their course site and see if decluttering is the right thing right now to catapult you on to fuller, more creative, more joyful life!

What do you need to declutter in your home and heart? What might you achieve if your clutter was draining you? Leave your thought in the comments below. Thanks for being here.

The Do Less Revolution is an on-going, start-any-time project of Magpie Girl. Click here to join or find all the DO LESS posts here. Recieve an update on new Do Less items by following us on Twitter. Thanks for being here!

Hello Revolutionaries!

This week we are going to uncover our Guiding Values so next week we can apply them to choosing our  Essential Tasks. This will free us to be concentrated powerhouses who DO LESS and LIVE MORE! But before we do, let’s do a brief check-in so you can feel great about how far you’ve already come.

Last week our theme was Setting Limits. We took our Monster To-Do list down a notch by eliminating things that were haunting us, but not serving us. Now pretty please answer some or all of these questions in the comments. Or, if you blog answer them in a post and add the unique URL to our Mr. Linky. (I know. “Mr. Linky.” That sounds naughty doesn’t it? Tee Hee.) Feeling shy? Like pen-and-paper? That’s fine. Just scribble it on the back of that receipt there on your desk. That would work too. (Remember, Fast and Dirty is the way to get it done.) Ready? Here we go!

• Name one thing you crossed off your Monster To-Do list because it wasn’t important to you any longer.
• How many things did you have on your Monster To-Do list that actually didn’t need to be done in the next 30-60 days?
• When your Gremlins started to nag you about “not getting anything done,” which of your one-hour-or-less tasks did you complete?
  Which of your Most Important Task (M.I.Ts) got done last week? How’d that feel?
• Which M.I.T.s are still hanging out? Do they still get the special M.I.T. rank, or can you demote them?
• Name any Ah-Ha Moments you’ve had so far in the process.

There. Don’t you feel better? I knew you would. Onward!

 How Your Guiding Values Help You Choose the Essential

The next stage of the DO LESS Revolution is identifying your Guiding Values and using them to determine what’s essential. This sounds kind of onerous, and I can’t think of a way to make it sound cheeky, but really it isn’t bad at all. Maybe it will help to know that I turned mine into a multi-colored mobile. How tough can it be if it looks like something out of Dr. Seuss?

It’s relaxing to note that choosing the essential isn’t like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You don’t have to determine at random what is most important amongst all your tasks. Once you peek inside and see what values you already carry, you can use them to ferret out the imposter-tasks hiding out among the essentials. It’s like a decoder ring! Doesn’t that seem like fun? You get to be Dick Tracy!

Uncovering your Guiding Values will help you:

• See how fantastic you are. (You value amazing things! Not a vapid choice among ‘em!)
• Trust your instincts around how you spend your time. (Because woah! Check out your awesome internal compass!)
• Make choices for yourself-including choosing your Essential Tasks–knowing they are birthed out of solid, meaningful values.
• Resist Gremlins (and societal messages) about how “everyone else” is doing the things you’ve left asunder. (Your Gremlins don’t get a say in this-Gremlin values tend to be a bit dodgy.)

Are you ready to have that powerful of a tool in your spy gear? Let’s go get your decoder ring!

How to Uncover your Guiding Values

(Notice I didn’t say how to “find” your values. They’re already there. We just need to adjust the focus.)

Some of you right now as we speak are writing down your list of Guiding Values. You can’t get enough of them! The words are just rolling of your tongue. Connection. Financial Security. Fun. Presence… You are probably one of those people who played *8Things this week–and we like you, we really do. But right now you get to chillax, because some of us are having a small but obvious panic attack right now. (Hold on, we’ll be right back – unless you want to come with us to check your work.)

Okay, you folks that are feeling a little panicky, here’s what to do if your Guiding Values aren’t holding still enough for you to take their picture.

• Make a list of Activities that Matter. What do you like to do most? (Hint: it’s probably in whatever color you used to mark “Things That Give Me Energy” on your Have-Done List.) What makes your day feel icky if you don’t do it? What things do you always make sure happen for yourself/your family?
• Look for What is in Common. I like to think of this process as “distilling.” If you distill these activities into a potent brew, what’s left in the bottle? For instance if cleaning your house makes you feel good, then Organization might be one of your values, or perhaps Esthetics. If you always get in your morning run, Health or Fitness maybe tantamount. If there are lots of birthdays and holiday celebrations on the list, maybe Connection is the value they hold in common. This is one of those “don’t overthink it” things. Just run your eye down the list and see which words come to mind. 
• Pick *8 Things: From your list of words naming the commonalities, pick the *8 Things that ring the most strongly with you. Give yourself five minutes to do this. Now breathe a little. (Phew!) Give yourself one more minute to swap one more than 1 thing (if you must.) There you have it. Your super-distilled ultra-potent decoder ring!

Still need help?
When I first started working with life coach Jena Strong of Strong Coaching my head was awhirl. I had a zillion thoughts about my work and vocation, and all the accompanying “but why’s” and “but how’s.” My existential Monster To-Do List was totally out of control!

Jena spent one hour–just one hour!–helping me uncover my Guiding Values, and within a week I had begun to use this powerful tool for making life decisions. My inner whirlwind immediately began to still and eventually my Gremlins settled down as well.

Now, I know I don’t normally do such a direct pitch on my Magpie Girl. But I think the work Jena does around Guiding Values is incredibly helpful. So as a special favor to me, Jena is offering Magpie Girl readers a discount on a one-hour Uncovering Your Guiding Values Session. This session is available at the reduced rate of $75 through July 31^st. (Tell her Magpie Girl sent you.) A Facebook quiz is just not going to do it for you here, folks. If you’re stuck, Jena can help.

Up Next

Now that you’ve been amazed by your Have-Done List; set limits and eliminated stuff off your Monster To-Do List; and uncovered your Guiding Values, you are ready to start doing what Leo Babauta calls “Choosing the Essentials.” You’ve already had some practice with this when you chose your three “Most Important Tasks (M.I.T.s)” for last week. Take a few minutes now to identify your M.I.T.s for this week as well. Want to know mine, just for fun?

Body Maintenance: Walk, swim, or do yoga every day.
Connect: host expat coffee hour, call Emma on graduation day, go to Lisabeth’s concert, dinner with the Marshes before the move Stateside, my first Danish dinner with the parents from Eden’s class, spend the morning with Paul before he leaves for the States. (There are more of these than usually b/c we are leaving the country for six weeks)
Teach: write Ask Magpie, *8Things, DO LESS, and Soultribes columns.

Those things in bold? Those are what Leo calls my “One Goal” (as you can see, I’m very good at rebelling.) They are born out of my Guiding Values, and they help me develop what Leo calls “the fine art of choosing the essential” so I can have a powerful, concentrated life.

Your one goal is waiting to get born too! So choose your M.I.T.s (this will calm your To-Do Gremlins down while we work on things); and make a list of your Guiding Values. We’ll see you next week when we learn to choose the essential. Viva La Revolution!

The Do Less Revolution is an on-going, start-any-time project of Magpie Girl. Click here to join or find all the DO LESS posts here. Recieve an update on new Do Less items by following us on Twitter. Thanks for being here!

If you need some help making your list, my life coach Jena Strong, is offering us a kindly deal on Values Assessment Sessions.  Magpie Girl readers will receive a reduce price of $75 for an hour-long session* — a super rate for some valuable soulguidance. Jena helped me find the right words to describe what I hold most dear. Those words, in turn, helped me stand in my own power and make choices for myself, knowing they were being birthed out of solid, meaningful values. In short, Jena taught me how to value my values! (Oh those professionals, they are ever-so-helpful.) Here are *8 Values that Guide My Life: 

1. Whimsy
2. Generosity
3. Attentiveness
4. Creativity
5. Truth
6. Beauty
7. Freedom, and above all things
8. Love

What are the values that guide your life?  Grab a button and play along or put your *8Things in the comments below. Don’t know? Call Jena and drop my name!  Thanks for being here!

*The Strong Coaching reduced rate offer good thru July 31, 2009.

Right around Easter I wrote a post that was a little bit pissy. I did this intentionally because I was feeling pissy—and I was pretty sure other people were as well. (And indeed, they were.) But I got a little bit of push-back for being “too negative.” So let me say this about that, there are spiritual benefits to being pissy.

If you were raised in fundamentalist Christianity, or even in the slightly less stringent evangelical flavor of the faith, you were probably not allowed to be pissy. This is especially true for women, because fundamentalist constructs are primarily patriarchal in format. Even if you didn’t come up in church, if you grew up in America you still got the lite version of this patriarchy model, because we are, in theory, “one nation under God,” which means our religious roots are showing.

Women, religious or otherwise, are generally speaking taught to be nice. Politeness and gentleness reign supreme. It’s not lady-like to raise your voice, express disagreement in public, or swear like a sailor. And why should you be questioning authority anyway? There’s an established belief system going on; men (for the most part) control that system; and your status as a member of that system and therefore that community requires acquiescence to those beliefs. To question, contradict, or to complain threatens your belonging. And so the tendency to suppress disagreement is strong. And suppressed disagreement, along with being unheard, being denied a “voice”—these lead to anger.

But anger is healthy, normal, and to be expected. In fact, anger is helpful. Here are my top three reasons anger is spiritually beneficial.

Anger Signals When Something is Wrong. Anger, like pain, is a helpful thing. Just as pain signals that something is wrong within our bodies, anger signals that something is amiss in our souls. When I talk to my children about anger we often refer to it as “a cover-up emotion.” I ask them what the anger is hiding, and they can usually come up with an answer. Women who have grown up in the church are not so skilled at this. They haven’t been practicing it since they were 3 years old, like my kiddos have. And it can be a hard skill to learn. But in time, with practice, it becomes easier. The next time you feel a surge of anger, ask yourself, “What is underneath this?” You might even try visualizing the anger as a stone. Then imagine yourself lifting up the stone, and see what is underneath. See if you can address that root issue. I bet you’ll be surprised at how skillful you are!

Anger Allows us to Live our Authentic Self. The modernist approach to faith values conformity to creed over allegiance to our authentic self. In a post-modern milieu (which is where much of the non-religious west is living these days), authenticity is highly valued. It is considered a hallmark of emotional and spiritual good health. For those of us raised in church, especially fundamentalist and evangelical branches of the church, were brought up in the modernist approach. (The church is about 10-20 years behind the cultural learning curve when it comes to the modern-to-post-modern shift.) But we are living in a post-modern culture. This push-pull relationship between these two messages—“agree with the creed” and “be your authentic self” creates cognitive and emotional dissonance. This dissonance often manifests as anger. Pressing through the anger into your God-given internal authority, and trusting that authority to give you permission to express your authentic thoughts, releases you from that dissonance and allows you to flourish in the playground of truthfulness. Doesn’t that sound lovely? Embrace your authentic self by expressing your anger and find your way to the other side.

Expressing our Anger Allows us to Mentor the Next Generation. Post modernity is not strictly a generational game. I’ve meet people in their 70’s who are more twigged into post modernity than I am, and I’ve met 20-something’s (mostly those raised in fundamentalist churches) who don’t get it at all. But generally speaking anyone born in the Gen X, Gen Y, and anyone falling under the category of Millennial Kids are thoroughly embedded in the post-modern mindset. This means they value transparency over all. They can sniff out a lack of authenticity from a mile away, and intuitively recoil from it. If we are to be good guides—good teacher/learners—for and with these next generations, we must embrace our authentic selves. And if we are going to be honest with and about ourselves, anger is going to have to be acknowledged as part of the package. Learning to identify and express our anger will help the next generation—especially the young women who are coming up behind us. Isn’t that a legacy worth leaving.If you can’t be angry for yourself, do it for your girls.

What do you think? What has been your experience with expressing anger in your life? Have you found a way to express anger within a conservative religious construct? Have you had a breakthrough in dealing with anger? Share your story in the comments below, and add to the giant pool of wisdom, forming now.

Why Less is Powerful

Six years ago I was diagnosed with an untreatable condition, status migrainosus (chronic daily migraine). Suddenly, most of my time was spent either managing my health, or being in pain. This left little space for anything else. As I listened to the waiting room conversations at the pain clinic, I knew I was in danger of allowing this disease to take over my world. I became determined to not be defined by my pain. But as I watched my ability to write, volunteer, and counsel disappear, I began to despair. For months I struggled to come to terms with a life that felt increasingly limited.

The reality is we are all limited. There are a finite number of hours in the day, and while most of us can ignore that, eventually it catches up to us. We overbook, over commit, and try to ‘do it all.’ Then we crash with exhaustion, ulcers, and little ease or enjoyment in our life. 

This limited time thing? It’s not going to change. So I started to ask myself, “What would it look like to turn this “limited time” thing into a Superpower?” I started to imagine a scenario in which my life was not small, but as concentrated—a life where less was powerful. I named this scenario “concentrated living” and began looking for helpful resources.

With my limited energy and time, I needed something concise, evenly paced, and reasonable.That’s when I found Leo Babauta’s The Power of Less: The fine art of limiting yourself to the essential.The basic thesis of Leo’s Book is “how to do less while accomplishing more by focusing on the essentials and setting limitations.” As I listened to the first chapters I was immediately hopeful. The two main goals are:

1) learn to set limitations (which had already been determined by illnesss)
2)  identify and choose the essentials.

Leo’s premise is “limitedlessness dilutes our power and effectiveness.” So the inverse of that is “limits increase our power and effectiveness.” Isn’t that great news! Less is powerful!

How to get Started

If you are listening or reading along in the Power of Less, you know that the first chapter is dedicated to setting limits. How do you discover the things you need to set limits on? Lists, of course. You can either make one Monster To-Do list and start eliminating from there, or you can make shorter lists of things the things you choose to set limits on under various categories. This is helpful because it’s less overwhelming than tackling your whole world at once. Plus, Leo’s method involves focusing on one thing at a time at categories will help maintain focus. My short list of things I needed to set limits on is :

Projects
Chores
Internet/Email Use
Clutter

What are the areas you need to set limits on? Use your Have-Done List for guidance. I’ll give you a hint. They’re probably in whatever color you used for “Things that Drain Me,” but some could be hiding out in the essentials as well. Got it? Now pick just one of those areas and write down absolutely everything you can think of in that category that you “have” to do.

I did the Projects category first, because that was hanging over me the most heavily. I was surprised to find I had over 38 Projects in-the-works! (I know, that’s insane, right?) Leo suggests setting limitations by eliminating things, again and again until you get down to the essentials. Here’s how I did it.

Round One: Cross off anything that isn’t important to you any longer, or doesn’t feel urgent. (16 items – almost half my list!)

Gremlin Alert! You may feel badly that you started so many things and then lost interest; or that you aren’t going to do things “everyone” says are important. But who cares, really? It’s your prerogative to begin and end interests as you like. And this is your life to spend as you see fit. Stand in your own power and say “goodbye” to the stuff you don’t want to do anymore. 

Round Two: Cross off anything that doesn’t need to be done in the next month or two. (3 more items- – now half my list had been eliminated!)

 Gremlin Alert! If it’s making you panic to cross off things you still want or need to do eventually, try crossing them off but writing a date next to them such as “Winter Project” or “In Six Months.” Tell your Gremlins to breathe easy, you wrote it down!

Round Three: Gather up all the little tasks that would take less than one hour to complete. Move these on a separate list. (5 more items down)

 Gremlin Alert! This list becomes a Gremlin training tool .Whenever your Gremlins start panicking that “You aren’t getting ANYTHING done!” grab this little list and do one or two things on it. Getting a smaller unfinished project all the way done will help you see clearly that you ARE getting somewhere.

Round Four: Now choose three things and put them on a list. These are what Leo calls your MIT’s – Most Important Tasks. I’ll talk about this more in upcoming posts, but for now these are the things you are going to do in the next week. Maybe not all of them, but these are your priorities.

 Gremlin Alert! Your Gremlins may try to freak you out by mumbling about how you are “forgetting something, I just know it.” Look, this list isn’t set in stone. You can change it if you need to. And there’s always next week for new MITs. It’s will be okay. I promise. You can tell your Gremlins I said so.

At the end of this process I had eliminated 24 projects and had just three things on my to-do list for the next week. Now, I know this doesn’t mean you or I will only do 3 things all week. All the stuff on your Have-Done list will still get done (feeding the kids, sleeping, etc.) And stuff from the categories we haven’t worked on yet will still happen (email, chores, surviving the clutter, etc.) But I hope it’s empowering to know that you just got rid of a shed-load of stuff, and that what you’ve decided to do next are the most essential things for you. Do you feel it? See. Less really is powerful.

 Up Next

Okay, here’s the deal. There’s still stuff on your list right? The stuff you didn’t cross out, and didn’t list as you MITs. (I had 14 things left on mine.) Next week we are going to talk about making choices based on your values, and on what Leo calls your “One Goal.” I’m tailoring *8 Things Thursdays to support the work we are doing at The DO LESS Revolution. So check back on Thursday for a mid-week exercise that will prepare you for next Friday. In the meantime…

How to Use Leo’s Book

…If you are reading The Power Of Less, I will be using it in a non-linear fashion. But basically this week and next we will be using  chapters 1-4. I suggest reading until you start to feel overwhelmed. The minute the book starts to bug you, or you start thinking “Too much! Too much!”, put it down. Let the ideas simmer a little, and then come back to it when you feel like it. It may seem like a simple thing, but this approach to reading will teach you how to listen to your intuition – a powerful tool for any endeavor! And again, you don’t have to have the book to join the Revolution.

Keep your eye on your Most Important Tasks (MITs) and hold on to hope! Feel free to drop you ideas, blocks, and questions in the comments below. Viva la Revolution!

The Do Less Revolution is an on-going, start-any-time project of Magpie Girl. Click here to join or find all the DO LESS posts here. Recieve an update on new Do Less items by following us on Twitter. Thanks for being here!

Got a question about The DO LESS Revolution or anything else under the sun? Ask Magpie is my newest fun-thing, and will be posted most (some?) Wednesdays. Email Rachelle  with “Ask Magpie” in the message line, or watch for reminders on Twitter.

Some people love theory and some people love praxis. I’ve always been a big fan of praxis myself, which is why I’m delighted to continue our series of interviews with Soultribe Practitioners. Theoreticians can tell you why things work. Practitioners tell you how things work.

Christine Valters Painter is one of the rare few who can do both. In this interview Christine talks about several types of Soultribes and how their natural life cycle progressed. Last month’s Soultribe Practitioner, Melissa Lindgrenof the Knitta’s talked about a more light-hearted group designed to share-a-skill and tell a story.  This month Christine will give us insight in to forming a more intensive group with deep soul sharing with a different standard of expectation for commitment, attendance and involvement.  Both types of group are great – which kind you form just has to do with what scratches where it itches.

And now, without further ado, Ms. Christine Valters Paintner:  Spiritual Director, Benedictine Oblate, Photographer, Author, Teacher, Dog Lover, Zine Maker, World Traveler and PhD (among other marvelous things)

Background:Could you tell us what kind of Soultribe you belong to: What do you call it? How big is it? How often do you meet? How long have you been together as a group?

 I have belonged to several Creative Communities over the last few years including Writing Group, a Dream Group, and a Peer Creative Arts Group.  I like the word “Soultribe” as a descriptor of what it is we really do together, so that may inform our future incarnations. 

Each group has had about 5-6 members and has lasted three years.  The size is just right for growing in intimacy together and I am discovering the life cycles in group process. 

The Writing Group and Dream Group no longer meet because the natural end of those cycles was reached. The Peer Creative Arts Group (or Soultribe) was originally formed out of a program I teach called “Awakening the Creative Spirit”  . After the first year through that program I invited four participants with whom I felt like I could move into a peer relationship and explore the arts together as a means for ongoing self-growth and discovery. It became a place to experiment with different art forms in the context of prayer and sacred intention and a place to have our story heard and held.

There were several commitments we made to each other to build the foundation of the group: being present each monthly session, maintaining a covenant of confidentiality, supporting each other in taking care of our needs in the group by keeping a balance of safety and risk-taking.

Group Content: What does your typical time together look like? Who decides what you will do together? Who facilitates?

Our Peer Creative Arts Group gathers for three hours.  The first hour is time for checking in, the second hour is for a creative arts experience, and the third hour is to share the fruits of that experience and offer one or two members a focused time to unpack something that may be stirring up a lot of energy. This third part is essentially a group spiritual direction process of listening and reflecting back what we hear in their story.

Each member takes a turn to facilitate each month and hold the space and be mindful of the time.  We have had facilitators bring experiences of movement and InterPlay, visual expression though painting, drawing, or collage, poetry and journal writing, song, and sacred drama.  The art form serves as a container for our individual process and allows us to witness what is emerging and unfolding within us through varying languages and mediums.  It is a place for us to experiment as well with new processes we want to try with a retreat we are leading or some other work, in this group we can ask for feedback as to how it went and what needed improvement.

Our process has evolved a bit over time.  We have checked in periodically as a group about the shape, form, and frequency our time takes together.  For example, during the first year we found that slowly our check-ins were becoming longer and longer until we had little time left for the art experience.  And while the check-in time is such a rich part of bringing our sacred story to the others, there is also a gift we had to embrace in providing limits.  We had to trust that ten minutes each would be “enough” to tell what was really essential.  So now the facilitator keeps track of the time and gives a signal when those ten minutes are nearly done.  From this process I have become a big fan of creating time limits in group process and having someone in charge of holding us to those (which rotates each time).  It creates a true mutuality where people who naturally tend to talk longer don’t dominate the time.  It offers us an opportunity to be really intentional about what we share with each other, rather than just rattling off a whole list of events since our last gathering.  The time limit forces us to go deeper more quickly.

People: What kind of people attend? How did you initially find and gather these folks? How do people find you now that you’ve been around for a while?

Ours is an intentionally small group and is closed to new members.  We recently had one member move to Australia and so we had to discern carefully whether we would invite another person in.  We knew it had to be someone who knew us quite well in other contexts, because over three years we had grown very close to each other.  One of our group members did a beautiful job of creating closure for our group when the member left.  We moved through a ritual of reflecting on our time together and telling stories of memories from different points of our group’s history, naming the gifts and challenges, and then had a ritual of letting go. We weren’t just saying goodbye to one person, we had to acknowledge that our group would now be an entirely new creation without her dynamic as apart.  We are just in the process of adding the new member in and need to tread carefully and intentionally about creating essentially a new group because those dynamics have shifted.

If it were more of an open group I would send out notes to all of my contacts with an invitation and a specific description of what the group was about and name some of the qualities of the kind of people we were looking for.  I find networking bears the most fruit in terms of bringing people together.  Individual invitation works well also, perhaps  you know of at least one or two people you would love to commit to in a soulful way and they each know of at least one or two people.  Have an initial gathering where you discuss the hopes for the group and give each person permission at that point to say whether they feel drawn or not, giving them freedom to discover that it might not be the right process for them.

Coming Together: How long did it take your group to gel? What was that process like? If you got to a sticky point where you weren’t sure it was working out, how did you know to press on? When did you know you had “clicked” together?

We were fortunate in that we had already been through a six-month program together so a great deal of trust had already been established and there was excitement around continuing this dynamic.  Essential to this process were creating agreements and expectations around confidentiality and safety.  Depending on how often a group meets, I find that it generally takes 5-6 meetings to really move to a deeper place together where you begin sharing those layers of soul beneath the surface.

Our group has had several sticking points and struggles along the way. For example, initially I had invited one other member who hadn’t gone through our program together but knew a couple of the other members and was interested in exploring the arts as a spiritual practice.  However she kept cancelling last minute and not showing up to our sessions which began to create a significant tension. I learned that when the group members have different members of connection and familiarity with each other, significant work needs to be done to bridge those as well as clear commitments for presence at each session and to each other if you want to build a deeper level of trust.  I eventually had to ask her to not participate which was a painful process and resulted in the distancing of our friendship.

The five of us who participate have very full lives and some months it can be a struggle to get to our time together with so much else vying for our attention.  We have had to re-commit to each other along the way and sometimes pause the normal rhythm of our group to reflect on and re-connect with why it is we get together and whether we are still fed by our process and time.  The reasons will shift over time and is a natural outflow of group process.  The answer for our group has continued to be yes.  At some point I imagine there will be a time when the cycle of the group wanes.  Waxing and waning are normal elements, and just because there is declining energy doesn’t mean it is time to give up.  It means it is time to have honest conversations with each other about expectations and needs.  Sometimes those conversations will lead to tremendous fruit that will bring the group closer and to a deeper place again, struggling through conflict with integrity usually does bear fruit.  And sometimes those conversations will lead to the realization that this is no longer the season for this kind of gathering.  In that case I highly recommend ending well rather than just fizzling out.  Beginnings and endings need to be done with intention and awareness around their power and usually involve telling stories about self at the start and about self-in-community at the end. And if one person needs to leave before the group is ready to end, then there needs to be great attention and care paid to that transition.

Take-Away:Why do you think people come to your group? What does being together do for you? What are the benefits of belonging to this kind of Soultribe?

These are women who know me on a soul level.  As someone who regularly facilitates spiritual experiences for others, it is absolutely essential that I have places where I can share honestly my own struggles and journey in a safe space.  I believe this is true for anyone, but especially those of us who are in some kind of power relationship in our work of spiritual care.  We need places to process what gets triggered in ourselves so it doesn’t get worked out in our ministry, our jobs, even our parenting I would imagine.  We all need safe spaces where we can be free to explore the full range of our experience of the sacred which includes our doubts and moments of despair as well, the work of the soul. We need peers on the journey who can help us to see things we couldn’t have seen about ourselves on our own.  We need the language of art to move out of our heads and into the body as a source of profound wisdom for our lives.

________________________________

Many thanks to Christine for taking the time to share her experiences with us here in the Soultribe series. You can find Christine at Abbey of the Arts, where she writes about creative spirituality; hosts Poetry Parties; and announces her classes, books and beautiful full-color Relective Art Journals. Thanks too to Jolie Guillebeau who contributed to this process by donating a thank-you gift for Christine via our Sacred Commerce experiment.  Jolie’s beadwork and paintings are available here.  Thank you for being here!

Soultribes is an on-going series helping creative souls build a place to call home. Demonstrate your commitment to forming your tribe by adding this badge to your website, and follow us on Twitter to read the next edition. “There ain’t no where to go but together!”

“Holy Sh*t! Look at all that stuff I just did!”

In the movie Sneakers there’s a scene where Robert Redford’s character is repeatedly saying the team’s code word over and over again in front of the bad guys. Finally, his partner, played by River Phoenix, breaks through the acoustic ceiling panel where he’s been lying in wait and lands on the bad guys. Redford says something like, “It’s about time.” Phoenix replies, “That was hard what I just did…that thing, that was hard!”

That’s kind of how I feel when I look at my Have-Done list. I feel a little bit marveled, and a little bit put out that no one is noticing how tricky it was. So this week, I just want to say, I notice. I see you, doing all that stuff and you are freakin’ amazing! (Let’s try to rest in the sparkly and marvelous moment, shall we?)

A Word About Gremlins
Now, before we move on to step two, let me lay out a little word of encouragement for some of you. Some of you may have had a Gremlin uprising last week. The little buggers may be doing that thing where they poke you repeatedly on the shoulder and say the same things over and over again. And if they aren’t poking you in the shoulder right now, they’re probably just cracking their knuckles and flexing their fingers for next week. There’s no point in ignoring them, so let’s just take a mo’ to hear them out.  Here’s what they might be saying:

“You waste so much time.”
“If you cut back on any of this it will mean you’ll cut back on being a ‘good’ parent.”
“There’s so much here, but nothing you can cut out.”
“Sure this is impressive, but look at all the stuff you DIDN’T get done.”
“Sure this is impressive, but SO-and-SO did waaaaaaay more.”
“What about the one thing…that thing right there…N-A-P…yeah, that was a big waste.”
“Now on top of all that stuff, next week we should also _______________.” 

You can fill in your gremlin’s ‘House Special’ here:

Now the Gremlins, they aren’t all bad. Sometimes they are even trying to protect us. It’s just that they kind of have a one-track mind. And Change? They do not like Change AT ALL. So they get kind of chatty when new things come up. The thing to do is to sit them down and pour them a nice vodka tonic and let them chillax a little. Write down all their messages and just give them back to them. “Thank you, Gremlin Dears. Here are these words you feel so strongly about. You can just hold on to them now. Do you need a slice of lime in your cocktail?” 

I know it seems ridiculous, but it helps, trust me.  Write, Hand Off, Repeat. They will quieten down eventually. (Got a better method of combating these messages?  I bet you do! Put it in the comments below for the more rational types out there who don’t jive with Gremlin happy hour.)

The Next Step
Okay, the next step—if you can get the Gremlins to GET OFF THE PAPER!!! long enough for you to read it–is to do a little bit closer observation of your Have-Done List. Spread it all out in front of you and:

 -Grab three colored highlighters. (Don’t have highlighters? – just use a code like star, checkmark, dot.)
-Invite a gentle and non-judgmental spirit to sit down with you. (I like to breathe her into my heart.)
-Give yourself permission to do this intuitively, without over thinking it. (Say it aloud, it helps.)
-Go thru your list and use one color for each of these three things:

Category One: Things that are absolute essentials. (eating, bathing, sleeping, etc.)
Category Two: Things that feed me/give me good energy.
Category Three: Things that drain me/give me bad energy.

Now, I know you want to go back through your list and fine tune it. This is because either:

 1) You are a Type A personality -OR-
B) You don’t trust your intuition. -OR-
 iii) You are a combination of both.

That’s okay. So say we all. So let’s give ourselves a little wiggle room here. Let’s allow ourselves to go back over the list and make 3 category changes. Just 3. And let’s  set a timer so we don’t take more than 3-5 minutes deciding which three. This will let us practice two things: releasing perfectionism and trusting our intuition. (In short, it gives us a chance to practice Doing Less.) Ready? Go!

Good job! Okay, now you’ve got this little bit of an observed life: the stuff you have to do; the stuff you like to do; and the stuff that sucks your soul. I know that RIGHT NOW you want to move it all around and make decisions about what stays and what goes. But stay the course a little. Just give yourself a week to live with this newly recognized reality – “This is what I do nowadays. This is how my time goes.” Let the reality of what you are doing now sink in a bit, because guess what’s coming up next!

Up Next:  Setting limits and simplifying,The Power of Less way.
I’m writing this series on a fast and dirty philosophy, which is part of how I get more done while doing less . (I’ll tell you about it more in a later post.) But for now let’s just say that the fast and dirty approach means I have a rough outline, but not a perfectly-detailed master plan. So the Up Next may change as I continue to reflect on what’s worked for me, and how to distill that so it’s helpful for you.  But for right now Up Next will mean dipping into Leo Babauta’s The Power of Less – an excellent little book on doing less to live more. The first two things in Leo’s book are setting limits and simplifying. We’ll start working on those next week – and you will be amazed at how powerful those are. (And guess what? They are easy!)

You don’t HAVE to have the book to join the The DO LESS Revolution – but if you want to read or listen along, now is the time to order. I downloaded mine instantly from Audible.com, and while Jen Lee has accurately pointed out that the reader sounds annoyingly like Mr. Movie Phone, if you can bear that sound then you might find that listening along is easier than reading along. (I listen while I take my morning walk.)  Check out the sample on the Audible site and see what you think.

Okay, just one more little caveat before you all run over to Zen Habits to become a fellow Leo junkie. I love Leo’s work, I really do. But sometimes he rocks this “20 Steps to Better Eating Habits” thing and, IDK, I just think 20 of anything is about 17 too many. (I like between 3 and *8Things, thank you very much.) Also, he’s in the middle of a redesign, which is a bit tough to navigate right now. So if you feel a little fragile, and think one more suggestion for life improvement might push you over the edge, then maybe you shouldn’t head over there just yet. It’s your call, I’m just sayin’.

Alright loves, it’s time for another week of being hopeful for a Do Less kind of tomorrow. Have fun gazing at your Have-Done List, and don’t forget to let us know how it’s going, because we can fine-tune along the way. In my experience, these next steps were about as close to instant gratification as you can get, so go recruit someone new to The DO LESS Revolution! It’s about to get really good.

Yours Warmly,

Magpie Girl

The Do Less Revolution is an on-going, start-any-time project of Magpie Girl. Click here to join or find all the Do Less posts here. Recieve an update on new Do Less items by following us on Twitter. Thanks for being here!

Got a question about The DO Less Revolution or anything else under the sun? Ask Magpie is my newest fun-thing, and will be posted most (some?) Wednesdays. Email Rachelle  with “Ask Magpie” in the message line, or watch for reminders on Twitter.

In 1997 my first child, Simeon, arrived stillborn and a I passed through a Mother’s Day in a queer state of being. I felt I had become a mother, yet I had no one to mother. People kept saying that I had “lost” a baby. The terminology troubled me and I struggled to find better words to describe what I was experiencing.

This year a dear friend is mourning the loss of her first child, who’s heart stopped beating midway through her second trimester. As I try to be a good traveling companion to her on the journey, memories and feelings from Simeon’s pregnancy and birth have come rushing back. Now I have so many more resources at my fingertips. Now help is a hand.

So on this Mother’s Day I offer these resources to you – for yourself, for a friend. And I hope that in the midst of the complicated emotions Mother’s Day might bring you may find among them, hope.

_______________

If you need a gift to memorialize a child turn to Stacy, the soulful artist at Bella Wish. Stacy makes personalized pendants which make a lovely traditional Mother’s Day gift. She can also help you find a way to support and remember someone on a more difficult journey. (She’s making my friend a set of pendants with encouraging words. What words might help someone you know through their trying time?)

If you or someone you know are mourning the unexpected end of a pregnancy or trying to survive a child’s death, Jenny Schroedel’s new book “Naming the Child: Hope-filled reflections on miscarriage, still birth and child loss offers heartfelt stories and suggestions for both mourning and remembering. I’m honored that Jenny included Simeon’s story in her book. She handled our story with respect and care, as she does all the stories on her beautiful and helpful website.

Rachel Barenblat is a long time favorite of mine at Velveteen Rabbi. She’s made Through, her collection of beautiful, supportive poems about miscarriage available as a free pdf, read aloud as an MP3, or as a chapbook for a low cost-only price. This is a wonderful resource if you want to find something inspiring to include in a card to a friend who is mourning, or to nurture your own soul through loss and into recovery.

At Surviving Baby there’s an excellent list of practical to “do’s and don’ts” in the post What to do When Her Baby Dies.

If you are on a journey through fertility Melissa Ford has a fantastic website, Stirrup Queens, and has recently published all her findings in her new book Navigating the Land of If: Understanding Infertility and Exploring your Options.

If you need to follow the story of ‘someone like you’ I highly recommend the poetic Kate at Sweet Salty, who writes about the loss of one of her twin sons, and the joy of mothering the two boys who are still with her. 

Also on my list of recommendations is Jennell Paris at the Paris Project who writes frankly and thoughtfully about the loss of her triplets and her journey through pregnancy and parenthood. Jennell’s article When Mother’s Day is Hard is especially timely.

May comfort and healing be with you today, on Mother’s Day and in all the days that follow.

This piece is cross-posted from my regular Sunday column at BlogHer.com.

Last night my normally energetic husband, Paul, flopped down on the couch with a drink in his hand. It was only 9pm, but clearly he was down for the count. “What’s wrong?” I asked, “Are you feeling depleted?” Paul sighed and replied wryly, “I feel like I’ve been on a really long vacation and the whole thing sucked.”

 A week ago his company had announced there would be layoffs. Then they added they wouldn’t announce who would get laid off until the following week. The days in between the two announcements stretched out long and unproductive as everyone waited for the other shoe to drop. People worried over lunch, speculated over the office dividers, and gathered in conference rooms to brainstorm what they would do next. Although Paul’s job was spared, many of his colleagues were let go, including our closest friends, who now have to leave their international post here in Denmark and return to the States. 

 These are indeed uncertain times, but it seems clear from national and international fervor that these are also times of hope. How can you reduce the anxiety of the one and nurture the reality of the other?  Here are three spiritual practices that will soothe and strengthen your soul in times like these.

 Walk in the Dark

“It’s always darkest before the dawn.” This is an old saying, but it’s been around so long because so often, it applies.  If you are someone who is a kinetic or physical learner, this spiritual practice may be a good fit for you. Walk in the dark. Literally. Get up early, just before dawn and go for a walk. Watch the light creep up over the horizon. Notice how the details of your city, town, or country lane become visible as the sun rises. Watch how clarity comes with the dawn. Invite your soul to see this as the reality of God’s daily provision to us-the light comes into the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it. Light always wins. This then, is our hope — demonstrated every day in the simplicity and spectacle of a sunrise. Move your body through the darkness and into the light and see how it impacts your soul.

 Ride out the Wave in Writing

For those of you who journal, you already know how powerful the pen can be – as a tool for inspiration and as an instrument in healing. Recently when I was feeling bogged down by insecurity, writer Laura Ruth Healy reminded me to “Write your way out of the dark. Use your pen as a flashlight.” 

 The Spirit has embedded wisdom and healing deep within your soul. Your intuitive self will connect with this wisdom and light the way out of the darkness and into the light of hope. Sit down with a blank sheet and a pen. Just start writing “I hope….”  or “I am hopeful that…” It’s okay if nothing comes to you at first. Just keep writing that phrase over and over until words start to follow it. Trust that the Spirit is guiding your heart and telling you true things. Repeat as needed.

 Breathe True Things

Sometimes when things feel unstable, you need support with every breath. That’s why I like mantras. Mantras are statements that affirm a positive reality in your life. I like to think of them as simple repeated prayers. Thirteenth Century Christian mystic Julian of Norwich  is famous for one of my favorite mantras: “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” She wrote these lines after having a vision of in which whole world appeared as something  the size of a hazelnut held in the hand of a loving God.  A few years ago I stared using a mantra inspired by Julian’s vision, “In the hand of God, I lie.” One of the things I like best about this mantra that it can be said in one deep breath, half on the inhale and half on the exhale.

Anything can become a mantra – a passage from scripture, a line from a song or poem, a phrase that comes to you in prayer. Try breathing your mantra several times a day. Some good times to anchor yourself in your mantra’s reality are: at each meal; upon rising and at bedtime; or when you leave or arrive at work, home or school. In time the truth of your mantra will sink into your heart and become the hopeful reality of your living.

 What spiritual practices do you have to nurture hope in times of uncertainty? Add to our giant pool of wisdom in the comments below.