Tag — Soulcare
*8Things: Saints and Sinners
I was away on Dia de los Muertos, but when we got back on the first the girls and I put up our annual altar. This year as we arranged our icons and sugar skulls I noted how this practice, once so unfamiliar, has become increasingly rich for us a family.
This year I turned a postcard of Vincent VanGogh into another icon for our memorial. It made me wonder, who would you put in a shrine of *8 people who have influenced you? Here are my *8 Saints and Sinners. (God love ‘em!)
1. Vincent VanGogh - a soulmate who helps me journey through pain and creativity.
2. Rosa Parks – an icon made by my husband, who is always inspired by bravery for the sake of justice.
3. Simeon David Chapman – our first child who was stillborn. The girls love putting his tiny tin shrine up for All Souls.
4. Pauline Jarrett Mee - my Grandmother, making her second appearance this year at the shrine.
5. John Everett Mee – my Grandfather, who’s been on our shrine since just after Cate was born. The last thing he did was fly to Seattle to meet her. When he landed back in California, he went straight to the hospital and never returned. But he was determined to deliver Cate’s traditional pair of baby cowboy boots–black with silver sparkles. That was my Buddy.
6. St. Catherine of Sienna — my favorite historical saint and the woman Catie is named after.
7. Mama God – a tiny clay sculpture helps me remember (and regain) the Feminine Divine.
8. Jesus — I firmly believe that “Jesus got ‘jacked.” I miss the real guy, don’t you?
Who are your *8 Saints and Sinners? Tell us in the comments below, or better yet, grab a *8Things button and play along. Don’t forget that we need the unique permalink in the list. Thanks for playing!
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*8Ways to Turn a Financial Crisis into Opportunity
Here at Magpie Girl we like things that nurture the soul. There are not many things that can rock you to your soul’s core like the idea (or the reality) of losing your home. But for many it’s a reality that’s either knocking at your door, or one that’s already made itself at home. So this Monday at Magpie Girl I’m pleased to welcome Stephanie Walker, who’s unexpectedly become an expert in offering soulcare to those who are facing economic crisis. Stephanie blogs at Love in the Time of Foreclosure, and offers soulful advice for those who are facing financial crisis. Today she offers us *8Things that will help you turn crisis into opportunity. This value-added post is practical, inspiring, and just down right helpful. May you find companionship for the journey in Stephanie’s words today.
*8 Things that Helped Us
Turn Our Personal Housing Crisis into an Opportunity
By Stephanie Walker
Last year at this time, our house was on the market, our bank account was negative and my husband Bob and I were both unemployed. Things were not quite going according to plan. The plan, when Bob’s high-paying contract got cut short, was to sell the house, pay off our debts, rent and start over again. We didn’t want to sell our house, but it was the only way out. We were sinking way too fast. We needed a new plan. The new plan, we agreed, was to turn our financial disaster into an opportunity. Somehow. You know, the whole idea of never letting a good crisis go to waste. Our crisis, we firmly believed, could be an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to learn, to re-prioritize. A challenge, indeed. But a worthy challenge. We may lose it all, but what we would gain in the process could be something more valuable than any house.
With that new thinking, we moved through our foreclosure story. Yes, it became a foreclosure story. We defaulted on our loan and received the “Notice of Intent to Accelerate” from the bank the week before Christmas 2008. In the end, to make a very long and exciting story short, we ended up selling the house in a short sale, narrowly avoiding foreclosure. We sold 90% of our possessions and moved to the suburbs of Chicago to live with my family. We’ve been here for three months. And in less than a week we will be moving to the San Juan Islands where we will be house-sitting for two years and living rent-free. Yes. From a $5,000 mortgage to rent-free. From Los Angeles, California to an island in the Pacific Northwest.
Here are 8 Things that helped us turn our personal housing crisis into an opportunity
1. Talking: I know, this is easier said than done. But now is not the time to keep your concerns, fears, resentments or pain to yourself. Talk about how you’re feeling. Share. Be vulnerable. Does this sound trite? Well, it’s not. Bob is not one to automatically share openly his darkest thoughts. But when he did, it helped not only him but me. It was helpful to know what he was struggling with internally so that I could be more patient or give him the space he needed. And he found that saying it out loud lessened the hold these fears had when internalized. Express it and let it go.
2. The pact: Bob and I made a pact with each other to turn our crisis into an opportunity. We promised each other that we would view every hurdle as an opportunity for growth. That this could be the perfect chance for us to learn how to be happy in the face of any circumstance. We promised to be at our best. And to be there for each other. This pact worked because we were both so profoundly committed to it. We understood that without this pact, our chances for happiness were slim. So we respected the pact and held to it. You can make a pact like this with yourself, but I recommend sharing it with another person so that they can help you keep it in existence.
3. Allowing Others In: Of course we were embarrassed about our situation. We felt like dummies. Idiots. Failures. But we trusted that our friends and family would not judge us as harshly as we were judging ourselves. And we let them in. I’m not saying we showed them our budgets or our credit report. But we did tell them what was happening along the way. We told our friends and family and eventually our neighbors. And then I started writing about everything on “Love in the time of Foreclosure.” We held nothing back.
When our bank account was overdrawn, they brought us homemade lasagna. When I was stressed, they took me out for happy hour. When we just needed to talk, they listened. When we had our estate sale, they were there first thing in the morning running the show. Our friends were amazing. Amazing. The best part about allowing them in on our financial problems, we didn’t have to pretend anything. I don’t know how we would have been able to actually hide our financial disaster, but I can imagine how stressful that would have been. This one requires letting go of your pride. To let others in means to truly be vulnerable. To say, like we did, We screwed up and are in big financial trouble. This is what’s going on. We’re committed to turning this into a good thing some how. We let them into our lives and into our “plan.”
A huge benefit to allowing others in? They have really good advice. Things you wouldn’t think of on your own, necessarily. They send you links to articles that have a wealth of information you need. They put you in touch with people who can help. They share their own stories about their tough times that not only allows you to feel better, but give you hope that if they made it through, you will too.
4. Have Fun: Just because you are facing losing everything, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. This is so important. Yes, we were working our butts off. I had two jobs at one point. We were doing everything we could think of to market the house which included constant cleaning. We didn’t have discretionary funds. But we still had fun. We went for walks. Discovered new parks. Bob competed in the Grilled Cheese Invitational . We watched shows on Hulu. We went to the beach. Hiked in the mountains. Sat by the fire. Had friends over. We had fun. We were committed to being happy even in foreclosure. In this kind of a pact, fun is a key ingredient.
5. Exercise: I am prone to anxiety. When I was a kid I used to think I had a breathing problem. At least that’s what I would tell my parents when it felt like my lungs were incapable of fully expanding: “I think I have a breathing problem.” Well, I discovered that ‘breathing problem’ was actually anxiety. The best cure for anxiety – in my experience- is exercise. It’s hard because the more stressed I get, the less time I have for exercise. But if I don’t, I am only setting myself up for anxiety. Exercise helped me so much through one of the most stressful times of my life.
6. Daily Checkpoints: Every morning when we walked the Pug we would talk about what we would do that day. What we were committed to accomplishing and what we were going to work on personally. Some days I’d wake up so overwhelmed I didn’t want to have this conversation. Luckily on those days, Bob was on the other side (and vice versa.) He would talk me through it. We’d start with ‘clearing out the cobwebs’ before we would talk about our goals for the day. Then, at the end of the day we would recap. How did it go? Did we do what we said we would do? If not, what was in the way? What did we learn and what can we be grateful for? This might sound like it would require a very long conversation, but we were actually able to go through this in about ten minutes. The days we did this always went better than the ones we didn’t. You can create a pact, a vision statement so to speak, but it doesn’t live on its own. It requires constant re-presencing or it will die. Our pact to be our best, turn this crisis into the opportunity of our lives and be happy in the process needed daily care to thrive.
7. Make a Difference for Others: Have you ever noticed that when you have your attention on the well-being of others, you’re less worried about yourself? Well, I have. Bob and I met doing a 500-mile bike ride for charity. On that ride we both talked about how much easier the ride was when we were cheering others on. We’d be at the top of a hill before we realized how difficult the climb was when we were cheering other riders up the hill. The same is true in life. We’re all in this together. And there are so many with great need. In the midst of our foreclosure battle, we collected donations and went on a bus trip down to Mexico to visit an orphanage with a non-profit organization Corazon de Vida. Getting outside of ourselves and focusing on others made such a huge difference. It really puts things in perspective!
8. Believe: (insert cliche here.) I don’t know how to bring this point home without sounding completely cliche. But in the midst of a crisis, you must believe. Believe in your own strength to pull through. Believe that things will improve. Believe that you’ll be stronger for surviving. Believe that you are not alone. I voted for Barack Obama. I was inspired – and still am- by his stand for humanity. By his willingness to stand for and speak about belief and the power it holds. As he said during his campaign: “I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about change in Washington… I’m asking you to believe in yours.”
Read more of Stephanie and Bob’s inspiring story at Love in the Time of Foreclosure. And if you’re selling a house, watch for Pam Weinert (Stephanie’s mom) as she offers real estate advice on Wednesdays at LITTOF. (So helpful! )
Jolie Guillebeau: A Guided Visualization for Your Ideal Day
Meet Jolie Guillebeau, artist, blogger, and soulsister. Jolie has built a life based on intentional living and non-conformity — and I got to tell you, it ROCKS. Jolie and I finally met face-to-face at the Soulsister’s Retreat this July. Whilst we were together she lead us through a guided visualization at one our teach-ins. In just 15 minutes she’d helped me access several important realizations that are guiding my life, right now as we speak. Ready for your ah-ha moment? I give you Jolie Guillebeau…
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What’s Your Ideal Day?*
*Undying gratitude to Pam Slim for reminding me how important this really is.
A few years ago, my husband and I were at a crossroads. We’d been working overseas for 4 years and knew it was time for a change. We felt like we could go anywhere and do anything. Really. It was exhilarating to think of the possibilities, but honestly, it was mostly overwhelming.
We thought about spinning the globe and putting our finger down somewhere, but we were afraid we’d just end up in the middle of the Pacific, thousands of miles from land. So we asked a few questions. What do we really want? What are we ready to try? Where do we see ourselves a year from now?
Then we found a variation of the Ideal Day exercise. There are many versions out there, but the basic premise is that you imagine your perfect day, in minute detail. Once you have that, you know where to begin. You have something to work towards. A North Star, if you will.
When we first did this exercise, I pictured myself living in a large city, walking or biking everywhere, including to my own painting studio. At the time, we were living in Africa, I was teaching high school English and riding around in Land Rovers. All of these things seems so far out there, that I thought of them as nearly impossible.
Last year, I realized as I was walking to my studio in Seattle, that I was living a version of my earlier ideal day. Of course, since then my ideas have expanded and grown a bit.
I’ve recorded a version of this exercise to help you visualize this. Take a few minutes some time over the next couple of days and listen. Be surprised by what you see.
Important: Be sure to write down the details from your visualization, so that when they’re realized you can go back and celebrate! I’d love to read about your ideal day in the comments, too.
Listen to the podcast here:
Subscribe to Magpie Girl podcasts on Zune, or on iTunes, or via RSS.
Find Jolie’s musings about life at her blog, or purchase her beadwork, paintings, and limited edition prints at her on-line shop. Thanks for being here!
The DO LESS Revolution: Finding Your One Goal
Important Announcement
Hello Revolutionaries! It’s time for an important troop briefing. This will be the last DO LESS Revolution post at Magpie Girl. Why you might ask? Because the Revolution is going underground briefly so it can re-emerge as an Ecourse on doing less and living more.
Through comments and emails I’m finding that while this material is helpful, some of us need a hand to hold. So I’m working hard to offer a 6 week course with soulful, focused assignments; on-line group support and personal coaching. This will help you pare down your life, allow you to focus on the essential, and move you into a more concentrated, powerful form of living. I’m super excited to offer this course to you, and hope it will be available as an advanced preparation for the over-booked holidays. (A calmer Holiday Season… wouldn’t THAT be nice?) If I can’t get it prepped by then, we’ll do it in January as a New Year’s soulcare practice. So stay tuned for some personalized, focused support coming your way!
The One Goal Concept
But before we take our hiatus, let’s talk about the One Goal. Remember when we were choosing our Most Important Tasks (M.I.T.s)? Well some of us were struggling to identify those M.I.T.s , even with the help of our Guiding Values. It’s a common problem. But Leo Babauta’s concept of One Goal can really help. Leo’s theory is that if you have just One Goal, say for the next year, and you break that down into sub goals, it will keep you focused and motivated. (For a more detailed left-brain take on this process see “Chapter 7: Simple Goals and Projects” in The Power of Less.)
My application of this theory has been to name One Goal for my vocational life – my “calling” as it were. To me, this is not something I chose, but something that chose me-a powerful internally motivated pull towards work that has attracted me my entire life. However, even though I’ve been moving in this direction for a long time, I could not name my One Goal until recently. Let’s look at my One Goal and how I use it. Then I’ll give you a handy-dandy assignment to help you uncover your own. [Read more →]
*8Things: Enormous Time Suckers
For more about *8Things, click here.
You know you have them. Those tricksy little things that suck away your time and cast your good intentions into the corner of the universe reserved for socks-that-get-lost-in-the-dyer.
I am a particularly good victim to these little items. And while I’m not sure what to do about them, I thought if I made a list, I’d at least recognize them when I see them. So here are my *8Things: Enormous Time Suckers:
1. Hulu. I admit it. I’m a Hulu whore. You can’t even stream Hulu in Europe — unless you are such an addict you find a work-around. (Hello Hotspot my old friend…) When I ran out of episodes of my favorite shows, I started watching stuff I do not even like. (Private Practice Rachelle? Seriously?)
2. The Tryanny of “The Best.” I spend loads of time — and I’m talking hours of dithering– tyring to decide the best use of my time. New method? Step 1: Write down 3 things that have to get done today or somebody’s gonna be disappointed about something. Step 2: Start one. Step Three: Repeat the mantra “Nothing is ever wasted.”
3. Facebook Applications. I use FB like it is my own personal office assistance. It’s truly valuable to me. Until the elusive appeal of the ‘Pick 5′ application comes around. Or the siren call of the the books and music boxes. That way lies madness.
4. Organizing. Junk drawers, sock drawers, linen closets. I love them all. When the girls were toddlers I would set up the dollhouse everyday, just to have some order (and to avoid the need to order my own big house!)
5. Regret. Lots of energy spent on this…less so nowadays tho, thanks in part to this. (Phew.)
6. Worrying. My favorite things to worry about are my kids, especially the one who doesn’t live with us. Right now tho, I’m worrying less about him and more about Eden, who is not at all challenged at school and who is having trouble making Danish friends. School worries are huge for me.
7. Wondering.What would it be like to be emotionally balance? What is the 19yo up to? Can you make gluten free challah? My mind rarely quiets down.
8. Obsessing about Food. Okay, this is kind of a necessity right now, because I’m re-learning how to eat without gluten or sugar. But I do think my mind spends waaaay to much time on food, and my body spends too much time preparing it. (The children, they need to eat HOW often?) I have separate blogs to “help” with this obsession, the theory being if you give it a place to live it won’t knock on your door as much.
What is your *8Things: Time Suckers list? Put it in the comments below or grab a button and play along. And for a soulcare challenge, why not try to curb the enthusiasm of one or two of them? Me, I’m eliminating the “email me when there’s something new in my Queue” option on Hulu. What will you do? Do tell, and thanks for being here!
Jamie Ridler: On Creativity, Feedback and Our Tender Hearts
Meet Jamie Ridler, life coach to creative souls and friend to this tender, crazy heart. There are dozens of life coaches in my internet world, and many of them are very, very good. But Jamie is among the cream of the crop. Her generosity and playful wisdom has helped me immensely over the past year. I feel deeply grateful to be included in her virtual circle.
Today at Magpie Girl, Jamie speaks with us about the way creative souls recieve feedback, and how to honor our emotions while learning from the curve ball that criticism and critque can sometimes throw at us. Do you have a teen or tween? Pass this on to them as well. It’s a life skill I wish I had acquired at 13 instead of 30! Jamie, take it away….
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Recently I asked people why it’s so important to us that people like our artwork. In my own life, I’m noticing how that’s also true for me about anything that I’ve really put my heart into. When I offer a workshop, I’m hoping with all my heart that people are going to love it, that they’ll feel inspired and hopeful and glad they took part.
There’s something wonderful about this. It inspires me to offer my best work and to learn and grow all the time. It comes from a place of deep commitment to the participants and a sincere desire to make a difference in their lives. It reminds me that creating a workshop or a newsletter or a meal or an event is a creative act, one that you pour your soul into.
And what happens if despite all of that, people don’t like it?
Here’s how I’ve learned to handle negative feedback. I hope it bolsters your tender heart the way it has bolstered mine:
1. Let yourself feel what you feel. If I’m hurt, disappointed, angry, defiant or whatever else, I get to experience that like a storm until it settles. I don’t have to pretend it’s not there, judge it, rise above it. I just get to feel what I feel.
2. Look for learning. Once the storm starts to quiet, I see if there’s anything I’d like to respond to. I’m not adjusting the work for one particular person. If I move away from the core of my vision to accommodate someone else, it starts to feel wobbly and I start to feel insecure. That lets me know that I’m moving in the wrong direction. But if I use the information to see if I can bring my creation closer to what I dream of for it, then I can use it to improve the work. There’s joy and confidence in there. The difference is palpable.
3. Let go of what’s not useful. If someone just didn’t like what I’ve created or offered or shared, but it’s something that I believe in or love or is true to me, I remind myself that not everyone is going to love what I do, and that’s fine. What I’ve learned from the information is that my gift is not for this person. I can let the rest go.
4. Trust. I remind myself that my people are out there, people who will appreciate my unique gifts and offerings. One of the truly important things about blogging is it allows us to extend our reach in finding our people, so that when we share what is uniquely and authentically our gift, we have more of an around-the-world opportunity for someone to read it and get it.
Molly Gordon talks about how in business we have a niche and we have an offer. I think this is true in life generally. Our offer is what we sincerely, authentically bring to this world. It’s who we are and what we share. And our niche is that place, that ecosystem according to Molly, in which that offer is easily and recognizably of value. There’s nothing to be taken personally about being a rainforest plant who doesn’t fit into the desert. Just keep looking for home and reaching out to your people.
Jamie Ridler MA CPCC is a creative self-development coach and director of Jamie Ridler Studios. She helps creative, independent spirits align their lives with their hearts and pursue their dreams with joy, courage and authenticity. She leads Circe’s Circle, a coaching telecircle for Creative Bloggers designed to help you start building your creative dreams. A new session stars September 15th. For updates and inspiration, you’ll find her on Twitter.
Tips for Training Gremlins — Please Help.
Do you ever get ready to do something great, and suddenly everything seems to go to hell? Things fall apart and those voices in your head, well, they get really loud.
That’s happening with some of us who are gathering for Soulsisters ‘09 this weekend. We are workin’ on it! But I’m sure you have ideas about what to do too. So here’s a re-post fromthe Soulsisters blog – ‘cuz we need Magpie Girl readers to add to our Giant Pool of Wisdom. Can you help? ……
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So I’ve heard through my Twitter and email that our Gremlins are chattering away at us and they aren’t being very nice. Gremlins, for those of you new readers our there, are the little voices in our heads who tell us un-true things. Most of the time they are trying to help, but they are a little mis-guided. But sometimes they are just downright being nasty.
According to Jen Lee, she of the Lovebombers–a group which was the inspiration for Soulsisters–the Gremlins like to get chatty right before we gather up with other powerful, creative women. And one of the things they like to say best is:
”You don’t belong here and nobody is going to like you.”
Yeah, you’re right back in Jr. High. Sucks.
So what can we do about it? I like to build my Gremlins a house where they can sit down and have a nice Gin and Tonic and SHUT UP ALREADY. I also write down all the things they are saying to me and put those quotes away for them. That way the Gremlins know I’m listening to them and sometimes quieten down. It also helps to say a little affirmation. My Gremlins are pretty silly, so I like the silly affirmation from Bill Smiley (was that his name?) on SNL:
”I’m loveable, I’m capable, and doggonit, people like me!”
When all else fails call a Soulsister and ask her to tell you *8Things that are Great about You. (She won’t mind, honest.) And remember, if your Gremlins are talking a blue streak, it’s a sure sign that something good is trying to get itself born.
Are your Gremlins coming out? (They also like to mess with your relationship with your significant other; sneeze on your children so they get strep throat right before you leave; and pour sugar in your carburetor.) What are your Gremlins up to? What are your tricks for dealing with the pesky little buggers? How can we help?
A Free Gift from Kindly Souls
I am having a small-but-obvious love affair! Amanda Oaks and Jenn Gibson have captured my heart. These lovely ladies run Kind Over Matter, a beautiful and touching blog dedicated to scattering love offerings around the world.
This week the free downloadable gift from Kind Over Matter is a collection of affirmations from women I adore. Brandi over at Joy Rebel is joining the fun, along with my virtual soulsister Jamie Ridler. Amanda and Jenn are adding their wisdom, of course. And I get to play too!
Head over to Kind Over Matter after 9am EST Friday to download your free Printable Affirmation Gift Set. Each contributors affirmations are available as seperate download. Get mine here and find the rest here. So pop some cardstock in your color printer, and in a few minutes you’ll be cutting out presents for your soul — and for the dear souls around you!
… Oh, and don’t forget to blow Amanda and Jenn a kiss for me! MWAH!
*8Things To Love About Your Tribe
What is *8Things? Click here.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my tribe — both my family of birth, and my family of choice, the later of which is scattered over a virtual and real landscape. My heart swells with gratitude at the truly amazing souls who have floated, flitted, barged, and stumbled into my life. I truly would not be the person I am today without them. (And I like the person I am today. I really do!) So in honored of kindred spirits and kind souls, here are *8Things To Love About my Tribe:
1. They move between Weeds and Kierkegaard with equal aplomb.
2. They know good food and believe cocktails are important.
3. “Dangerously Compassionate” seems to be the tribe motto.
4. They don’t just tolerate my kids, they adore them.
5. They allow me to change, grow, morph and alter…
6. …and yet they remember all our old stories.
7. They get it that there really is a THERE there in cyberspace. (Hurrah for virtual community!)
8. Being with them is like a blood infusion crossed with an energy drink chaser.
What are your *8 Things to Love About Your Tribe? Grab a button and play along. I can’t get Mr Linky to work this week, so put your permalink in the list below so we can link along and fall in love.
And a special SHOUT OUT to *8Things player Jenn from Freelance, Unconventional Nun who rang up my groceries at the food co-op last week, looked at me sideways and said, “Are you Magpie Girl?” Um? Make. My. Day.
Soultribes: How to Build a Dreamboard Circle
The tea lights ring the room and ambient trip-hop spills from the speakers. There are seven of us around the table ranging in age from fifty to five. We’ve chatted a bit and filled our mugs. Now it’s time for cardstock and magazines, glues sticks and scissors. It’s the Full Moon. It’s time to Dreamboard.
A Dreamboard circle is one of the simplest Soultribes to form. It doesn’t require complicated leadership, and the supplies and techniques are very basic. You can form one easily with these simple steps…
