Tag — Guest Posts
Tantra for Creative Energy: Tapping into your body’s energy for artistsic purpose.
This week’s guest post is by the energetic Danette Relic, life coach at The Drawing Board and hostess of creative self expression workshops. She’ll be teaching us about something I know very little about — Tantra — and how it connects to Creativity. I know you’re already intrigued. So Danette, take it away…
Tantra and Your Creative Energy
by Danette Relic
Let me guess, you hear Tantra and you think, 8-hour romp in the sheets with Sting. Yes? But what is Tantra? What is Art?
Since beginning my studies of Tantra, I have learned that there is so very much more to learn. The discussion of what Tantra is seems to resemble a beautifully tangled garden; there are theories about the initial source of growth, about all the influences that have shaped it’s development, and even those who identify which parts of the garden are valuable and which parts are weeds that have invaded it along the way.
For the purpose of giving you a sense of Tantra before going on, I like these three points taken from a list of what Tantra is, from the book Tantra for Erotic Empowerment: the key to enriching your sexual life by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson.
* Tantra is an ancient tradition that recognizes sexual energy as a source of personal and spiritual empowerment. This sets it apart from most Western traditions and helps explain why most Westerners have reduced it to its sexual elements alone.
* Tantra is the magic of transforming your consciousness and thereby transforming your entire being. Your body is the most powerful tool for bringing about this transformation.
* Tantra is the discipline of becoming yourself completely. In the end, there is nothing at all to do.
Trying to find one complete definition for Tantra seems to be a lot like trying to answer the question, What is Art?
Which makes sense to me, because I see Tantra and Art, or specifically, Tantra and Creativity, to be curiously linked up. I’ve noticed them at parties, huddled together on the sofa, or giggling by the punch bowl in some secret exchange. Of course they are. Sexuality and Creativity splash around in the same orange chakra, the sacral chakra, located just below your navel.
There are 3 aspects of Tantra that also serve as juicy connectors for creative energy: Senses, Pleasure, and Self-Expression. [Read more →]
Susannah Conway: Unravelling Prettily
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As many of you know, I am in deep blog crush with Susannah Conway. Not only did I gain many riches from her magically popular Unravelling courses, but she also keeps me company here on the other side of the pond as we Twitter our day away. I think you two should meet!
But before I let Susannah introduce herself, let me pontificate a little about the bounty that comes from her talented eye.
A gift of Susannah’s photographylet’s the receiver:
-step back in time.
-bring back gentility.
-capture the pretty.
-sigh a little.
Susannah’s photos-and-journal Unravelling courses help you:
-see who you are from the toes up.
-cherish your favorite things.
-honor your connections.
-feel accomplished.
What treasured gifts from a dreamy lady! Friends, meet Susannah Conway…
Artist’s Statement
Susannah Conway is a photographer, writer and the creator of the Unravelling e-courses; she is also a Polaroid obsessive, an extroverted introvert and a fake blonde. She spent many years as a fashion editor and freelance journalist in London, and enjoyed attending fashion shows because she liked to watch the people in the audience. In 2005 her partner died from a sudden heart attack and her entire world crumbled. She returned to the south coast to heal in solitude, and over the years has rediscovered her true calling though her passion for photography and writing. She now shares her wisdom with people around the world via her blog, Ink on my fingers, and her e-courses, and is currently writing her first book. She is proud to call herself a ‘family of one’ and likes travelling to far-off lands. Her superpowers are absolute truth-telling and shining the light. She remains a work-in-progress… always.
April Vega and Harp 46: Music. Motherhood. Collaborative Creativity.
Meet April Vega, one part of the trio that is Harp 46. April and I met when she and the band spent a year in Seattle exploring the Pacific Northwest. Listening to April play her Celtic harp while our soulcare community lay blissfully on the floor is one of my all-time favorite memories of our house on Densmore street is. True, the harp is a lilting and peaceful instrument; but it’s April’s presence as a musician that brings relaxation and inspiration to every musical moment.
One of my favorite holiday albums is Harp 56’s Angels Among Us available to preview and for purchase at CD Baby, orITunes. (Don’t miss it, it’s amazing!) And now April, along with her husband Nuc and brother-in-law Posido, have released an intriguing new album, Entanglement — a blend of world rhythms to enliven you day. I find it to be energizing without being frantic — a rare gem for your listening pleasure.
In this Monday’s guest post, April talks about living the creative life when baby makes three, and how the collaborative process works for the band as they write new music. I love what she has to say about how parenting while creating focuses your vision, and how sometimes you have to change a project mid-stream when The Muse decides to take it another way. Here’s April…
I’ve always loved how song emerge out of your jam sessions together. How would you describe the process of writing a new songs together?
Harp 46 is as collaborative as it gets, artistically speaking. It’s funny, this album actually started out as an idea that I had to finally do a solo album. You know, I wanted to make the voice totally my own, have complete artistic control, really let myself go a little crazy. But as I started writing the songs, and performing them in front of small cafe-type audiences, I couldn’t help but either hear other parts for Nuc and Posido; or hear weaknesses in the songs that I knew my rhythm section would be able to strengthen up. I guess it just wasn’t the right time for a solo album!
Our writing process varies. Some of the songs on this album, maybe half, were little song-zygotes that I composed during my son’s nap time. I’d bring them to rehearsal and they would, inevitably, become more complex (and therefore more interesting). The rest were just born out of extended jam sessions, where one of us would start playing a little snippet – maybe just a couple measures of music – and then we’d just follow the music and see where it led us. That’s very much our style – just using our ears as a guide to write music.
Nuc and Posido have this compositional approach to things – an approach that is both endearing and maddening – where they like to have one piece of a song that sounds really good, and then they try to find the most odd, incompatible thing they can play either superimposed on it, or right next to it. They do that during rehearsals, and then I’ll generally state my opinion of the sound (not usually positive) and then we just work on getting that odd piece of the puzzle to fit in. It’s a little confrontational, actually. So we have a lot of that mixture-exploration in all our music – a gospel beat under a Celtic jig, for example, or a hip-hop bass line that emerges from a middle-eastern sounding tune. Eventually we play with it and it works. I guess that’s how we create our own little challenges to overcome!
I’ve been listening to your music for a long time now, and it’s a delight to see your work evolving as an artist. How does this album vary from your previous work?
You know, I wasn’t expecting this, but when we first heard the album after being in the studio for a few days, I was just knocked out by how mature it sounded. Not “mature” like, old lady music, but just that the music had so much more depth and intricacy than our previous albums. I’m not saying I didn’t like our earlier work – I really do like it all – but this album is just a different step for us. For one thing, the compositions are much more complex. There is also clearly a lot of improvisational “conversation” going on between us – it’s much more akin to how we sound in a live concert situation, I think, when we are just letting loose and having fun with the music. I had no idea it was going to sound like that, by the way. Sometimes the microphones hear a lot better than our own ears!
How has your creative process changed and adapted now that you and Nuc are parents?
Oh, it is just so much more difficult. I’m sure that won’t surprise you or any of your readers! I don’t even know how we got the thing done, to tell you the truth. It’s half miracle. We had babysitters galore for a few weeks when we were in the studio. We tried to rehearse after our son’s bedtime (he can sleep through anything) but sometimes needed those day-long rehearsals too… so much juggling. And now, with album promo on the front-burner, let me tell you, it is impossible and I’m not doing enough of anything. My immune system is taking a major beatdown. All of this used to be so enlivening for me and now it is just crushing me! Amazing how much work those little people require.
I guess if there’s one positive influence on my creative process it would be that I have more ability to just sit down and get it done. Time is such a commodity, as any parent will tell you. I don’t have time to meander through thoughts and ideas – although that kind of time may very well be beneficial to me! – so there were several times with this album, particularly in the beginning stages, where I would sit down with the harp and just kind of force myself to spit something out. Good, bad, mediocre – didn’t matter. That’s another benefit of the collaborative nature of a band – I could take something half-baked to rehearsal and we could fix it up and make it sound good. I guess having a kid around made me a lot more dependent on the rest of the band, which seems to mirror life in general – I know I’ve certainly become a lot more dependent on practically everything in our community now that I’m a parent.
If you were the virtual DJ feature on my Zune, what three songs/artists would you mix into a playlist with this track?
Hmmm. I would probably go with Lossby Al Petteway and Amy White , Kothbiroby Ayub Ogada (this is on the Constant Gardener soundtrack), and Jump!by Van Halen… but that’s just because I dig Van Halen :)
You can find April’s music at the Harp 46 website. Give someone you love the gift of music this season! Thanks for being here.
Rowena Murillo: The Show and the Tell
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I feel a little hesitant to write about Rowena Murillo’s work, because I feel quite unsure about how to describe how it effects me. I’ve been thinking about this the last few days, and the only thing I can come up with is that Rowen is so in it. She doesn’t stand outside her work and create what she thinks will sell, or even what she thinks people might need. Instead she creates what is present. And you know what? It is exactly what people — at least what this person, needs.
I think part of it is that Rowena has a naturally perfected balance of the show and the tell. She doesn’t show us too little, making it impossible for us to get at the meaning. And she doesn’t tell it too us to straight, which would make us resistant to the obviousness of the message. Instead she gives us just enough direction to get us into the rabbit hole, and the pull of wonder takes us the rest of the way.
Speaking of rabbit holes, don’t miss what Rowena is doing on her blog right now — a new series of Flying Girls as an altered book, rooted firmly in the words of Miss Alice of Wonderland. And as you do your holiday shopping, please remember her well-stocked Etsy shop with affordable prints.
Someday I will have a datebook with page after page of Rowena’s goodness. Someday I will have a painting as large as my living room wall of Flying Girl Swims, or Explore Undiscovered Lands. Someday we will share opposite sides of a second-hand table, painted red, and make wonders. But until that day, I think we all should say a little “hallelujah” for the way Rowena and her Flying Girls help us live in our own skin. Can I get an “Amen?”
Artist’s Statement: Rowena Murillo
”I almost never know what I am going to paint until I put the brush to the paper. Or perhaps I have an idea of where to start, but the process of creating transforms the concept, the idea, and the artist.
Visions don’t come real. Accidents detour the plan. Unexpected happenings change the goal. Synchronicity picks the path. But I keep going. I keep looking at what I have and seeing what I could have. I am guided by the process.
My philosophy on life is much the same– follow the serendipity and acknowledge the beauty, and through that, find meaning.”
Beautiful Whimsy with Naoko Stoop
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Sometime Twitter yields real treasures. Such is the case of Naoko Stoop, a beautiful artist I discovered via a kind tweet. Naoko’s beautiful images transport me to magical world. Handcrafted scrapbooking goodness combined with fine draftsmanship make each image a delight to the eye. After viewing this slideshow of her work, I feel like I’ve been submerged in a warm bath.
Naoko has beautiful prints for sale on line, as well as perfect, understated hoilday greeting cards. You can find her at ther site Brown Paper Bag, or at her Etsy shop. And you can learn more about this clever artist in her statement below. Thank you Naoko, for bringing warmth and whimsy to our winter days!
Artist’s Statement: Naoko Stoop
Hello, I am Naoko Stoop, a self taught artist, based in Brooklyn NY. I love to read fairy tales from all over the world, and live in a magical world myself.
Since I was little, I was fascinated with creating things on used paper: old books, newspapers, magazines, wrapping paper, letters and envelops.
My “Brown Paper Bag Collection” came from this fascination. I use recycled folded brown paperbags as my canvas. They have already had a sense of purpose in their previous forms. It is like detatching them from their old roles and combining with my mischievous drawings to create something new form something old. After a lot of experiments with paper and various inks, I have established a way to draw on used paper bags without losing the color and texture of the medium.
I also draw a little girl with a red knit cap. This series is playful and cheerful with colorful paint on wood panels. She is not someone but she is everyone. She is a childhood image that everyone has in her or his mind. I am trying to create images that project the beauty in life.
Please visit Naoko Stoop at her website and her online shop. Tell her Magpie Girl sent you!
The Imposter Syndrome: Diagnosis and Treatment
If you’ve been hanging out for even a little bit here at Magpie Girl, you know how much I adore my life coach, Jena Strong of Strong Coaching. (website : blog) She’s the perfect combination of compassionate gentleness and no nonsense direction.
Today Jena is here to help with something so many of us in the creative realm struggle with: the imposter syndrome. Do you ever feel like you don’t belong? Do you think everyone else knows what they are doing while you are splashing around in the deep end? Then this my friend is for you. Jena, take it away….
The Imposter Sydrome: Diagnosis and Treatment
by Jena Strong
Let’s get the bad news over with first. The Imposter Syndrome is rampant. President Obama should declare a national emergency. Free vaccine clinics should be set up. Thousands, millions perhaps, of talented, creative, wise, and caring individuals suffer from this debilitating, delusional condition.
Now for the good news. There are only a few symptoms and they are really all facets of the same thing: A mistaken belief that you are not good enough. And best of all, the Imposter Syndrome is highly responsive to treatment. Continue reading to learn more, and if you believe you are suffering from the Imposter Syndrome, please! Seek help immediately.
GENERAL SYMPTOMS
A nagging voice in your head saying things like, “You call yourself a real _______?” Blank may be filled in with profession or vocation of your choice: Writer, Artist, Life Coach, Teacher, Business Owner, Mom, etc.
Habit of comparing yourself to Other People on a regular basis, wherein you usually come up short.
Certainty that said Other People have It All Figured Out, i.e. they are more confident, competent, and eminently more qualified than you to do whatever it is that you do. And by the way, they most definitely do notsuffer from the Imposter Syndrome themselves.
Underlying anxiety that it is only a matter of time before somebody realizes you are a fraud – and calls you on it, most likely in a humiliating, public manner.
TREATMENT
Remember that other People are not paying that much attention to you.They are much more self-absorbed than that. In fact, there is a significant chance that they themselves are suffering from the Imposter Syndrome, in which case they are most likely thinking how much more confident, competent, talented, creative, accomplished, and qualified YOU are than they are. [Read more →]
8 Creative Approaches to Grief
This week on guest post day, I’m delighted to have Kara from Mother Henna here to talk to us about creative ways to address and honor our grief.
From colorful celebrations like Dia de los Muertos to more solemn ceremonies like Blue Christmas mass, Kara has gathered an impressive list of resources to help you or someone you love navigate the difficult waters of the holiday season.
In my work as a pastor, and later as a soulcare specialist, I found that those who are experiencing grief are severely underserved. So please, pass this resource around. The world needs people like Kara who know good grief.
8 Creative Approaches to Grief:
creating new traditions for the holidaze
by Kara LC Jones
When talking with people about grief & creativity, I often hear things like, “I’m just not very creative” or “I’m not really an artist.” The thing about learning to live life after loss is that creativity becomes an every day practice, not just an artistic endeavor. It’s not always about writing poetry or drawing or painting. When someone is overwhelmed by grief and goes to the ocean to throw rocks as a way to express anger, they are being creative. When someone chooses to pay for the coffee of the person behind them, leaving a Kindness Card for the person, they are being creative.
So at this time of year, when the holidays might end up seeming like a holidaze for bereaved people, I thought it might be helpful to offer 8 seasonal ideas for practicing your creative approach to living life after loss.
1) Remembrance Day and Month
The month of October and particularly October 15th are Pregnancy Loss, Infant & Child Death Awareness times. Just know that if the death of a child is what has you in a holidaze, you are not alone. Take a moment each day to light a candle. Spend a few silent moments honoring your love for that child. Grief cannot take away your love.
2) Day of the Dead. The month of October is also preparation and lead up to Days of the Dead. October 31st is sometimes thought of as the day of the innocents, honoring the children who have died first. Then November 1 and 2 are honoring anyone who has died, who you wish to honor. There is a long history and cultural context to these traditions, and rituals often vary depending on the particular community in which you celebrate. But most all include making, decorating, and displaying of sugar skulls. We host a day every October for people to come to our home, make & decorate sugar skulls, and then place them on our community ofrenda or take home for their personal altars. We pass the bucket on these days, too, and any proceeds raised go to the local Food Bank in honor of all those we are remembering. [Read more →]
Kids and the Resistance Epidemic
Are your children fighting every request you make? Is nothing you say or do “right”? Are all of you grumbling under your breathe and making what my kids call “the huffy voice”? That my friends, is Resistance.
Thankfully Nikki Di Virgilio of The Soul Reporter is here with a guest post for us today; and it’s full to the brim about the mysteries behind Resistance, and some tools to keep it from happening.
Kids and The Resistance Epidemic
by Nikki Di Virgilio
How many times have we told our kids to do something and they either refuse, or do so with a constant whiney tune, of I don’t want to and why do I have to. The request can be something as simple and mediocre as wiping the table, and yet they put up a fight. It’s frustrating, and causes tension between our kids and us. Depending on the severity of the resistance in our household, this tension over time can create an isolating and perhaps even numbing relationship, which is damaging to both parent and child.
Resistance is defined as: the act or power of resisting, opposing, or withstanding. Unfortunately resistance is our first response to almost any that comes our way. This is often the same for our children.
The word “power” is in the very definition of resistance. Resistence itself is a power struggle between parent and child. Once we enter this planet, we are instantly faced with the power struggle of balancing the demands upon our minds, bodies and souls. We have to breathe on our own. We have to eat to live. We have to sleep to function and be well. These are required and necessary things. But then we get older, and there are more requirements. And these requirements often do not align with the truth of who we are and what we seek. School demands we pay attention, not chew gum, not wear our hair a certain way, be smart, be happy, learn, and agree with what is being taught. Then society demands we look and act in a certain way. As do our parents.
Consciously or unconsciously our children are absorbing all of these little and big demands all the time. It is no surprise they are resisting! We are energetic beings, here to unfold the purpose of our soul. We are not machines, which comply with the buttons being pushed–although we can, and often do. However, most of us don’t want to, especially the young ones who are coming to our planet right now. They are different, and leading us on a new course, which is more properly aligned with our soul.
What lessons and tools can we use to help our children grow beyond Resistance?
Lesson #1 : Teach cooperation. Cooperation means working or acting together for a common purpose and benefit. No matter the age of our children, they will respond positively with this larger idea of cooperation. They often like to help and be a part of something bigger. We just have to show how valuable it is, and determine the common purpose. [Read more →]
Overcoming Your Natural Sticking Points
Monday is guest post day at Magpie Girl, when people I adore offer YOU fabulous value-filled things worth reading.
One of today’s posts is by Jennifer McGuiggan of The Word Cellar. Jennifer is a professional freelance writer and editor. As such, she knows a thing or two about creative cycles. She’s talked me out of more than one slump, launching me past my sticking points and on to project completion. Today she shares with Magpie Girl readers “The Wheel of Work” concept. Join Jennifer as she shows us how to propel ourselves past our natural sticking points by playing to our strengths — and enlisting help for the rest.
Overcoming Your Natural Sticking Points (Innovator’s Edition)
By Jennifer McGuiggan
I can’t figure out how to start this blog post, which is absolutely perfect. Perfect because I’m trying to write about overcoming your natural sticking point in a project. And mine just happens to be this exact point: the point between brainstorming/mapping out the idea and refining/finalizing the project. I get stuck at the beginning of production and creation.
I used to wonder why “everyone else” has such great ideas and gets so much done. My husband, ever my cheerleader, pointed out that I do have a lot of potentially great ideas, all floating around in my head or stashed away in notebooks. He regularly reminds me that I do manage to get stuff done, even big things like starting a freelance writing and editing business; researching/applying to/enrolling in graduate school; and navigating the treacherous waters of real estate and mortgages to buy our first house.
So what’s the problem, I wondered. Why do I sometimes get so stuck that I jump ship and leave my ideas to languish on the deck?
Then a friend shared the concept of the Wheel of Work with me and the pieces fell into place. The wheel tracks the eight phases of a project and can help us to see where we thrive and where we need support. (Note: I don’t know the original source of the Wheel of Work. If you do, please tell us in the comments.)
The Wheel of Work
I’m naturally skilled in the conceptual half, particularly Advising, Innovating, and Developing. This means I’m good at brainstorming and connecting ideas, thinking about things in new and unexpected ways, researching, and collecting resources. But when it’s time to Organize and Produce, I seize up. All those possible directions and a desire to “do it right” can stymie my attempts at creating. I dream things up, but then I have trouble Organizing my thoughts and moving into Production.
If you look at the wheel, you’ll see that Organize and Produce are opposite of Advise and Innovate. This is usually the case: The pieces of the wheel furthest away from our natural strengths are the pieces we find to be most difficult.
If you get stuck at the point of creation, here are four tips on getting from idea generation to post-production.
1. Collect your project ideas in one place. I struggle with this and tend to have scraps of paper and journal pages littered with ideas. But I do my best to put them all in one notebook that’s segmented for different idea types, like essay and article ideas, resources to consult, and possible collaborative projects. This way, I know where everything is and can keep track of my brain jumble.
2. Consider the path of least resistance. Natural-born innovators often end up with long lists of potential projects and no sense of direction. When you have too many projects to choose from, or even too many possible directions within a single project idea, you can end up quitting before you start because you feel overwhelmed. If you can’t figure out what project to focus on, prioritize your list of ideas. The criteria you use for prioritizing is up to you. Maybe you want to pick the project that you think has the most money-making potential. Maybe one project seems ripe for the picking because your audience is hungry for it.
When in doubt, I say go for the one that most appeals to you. We tend to think that anything “good” has to be “hard,” but I say do what works and feels good. Don’t think of it as the easy way out. Rather, think of it was the easy way through. The same thing applies to choosing a direction within one particular project. For example, I just kept on writing this post, going in the direction that seemed easiest as I went along. As I got further down the path, I could more clearly see what needed to come next and where I needed to go back and revamp things.
3. Stop assuming and get the facts.One of the ways that we sabotage ourselves is by making assumptions. We assume that we can’t afford a graphic designer, so why bother to start writing that ebook? We assume we won’t find a vacant room at the bed and breakfast we love, so why bother to plan that getaway? We assume we’ll run out of ideas halfway through the article, so why bother to create an outline? Stop it with the what-ifs! Don’t let a lack of information dictate your progress. Worrying about what may-or-may-not-be just keeps you stuck. Get the facts you need to figure out the next steps. And remember that not every step of a project is contingent upon another step. Figure out what you can do concurrently, like writing the ebook content while waiting to hear back from designers. If you stay committed to the project, you’ll find a way to make it work.
4. Enlist help. Chances are you have friends and colleagues who are naturally skilled in other parts of the Wheel of Work. When you’re stuck on how to begin or what to do next, ask for input from someone you trust. Even someone with the same sticking points as you may be able to help. For example, although I struggle to see my way forward at the beginning of my projects, I do it with ease and confidence when working with my clients. We tend to create drama and fear around our natural sticking points when it comes to our own projects because we’re emotionally attached to them. An outsider doesn’t have the same baggage and can point the way forward.
This is how I get past my natural sticking points. What are your sticking points along the Wheel of Work and how do you overcome them? Add to the Giant Pool of Wisdom by leaving your suggestions in the comments.
Jennifer McGuiggan is a professional writing, editing, and consulting services to businesses, organizations, and individuals. Read about her services at The Word Cellar and browse through her portfolio to learn more.
*8Ways to Turn a Financial Crisis into Opportunity
Here at Magpie Girl we like things that nurture the soul. There are not many things that can rock you to your soul’s core like the idea (or the reality) of losing your home. But for many it’s a reality that’s either knocking at your door, or one that’s already made itself at home. So this Monday at Magpie Girl I’m pleased to welcome Stephanie Walker, who’s unexpectedly become an expert in offering soulcare to those who are facing economic crisis. Stephanie blogs at Love in the Time of Foreclosure, and offers soulful advice for those who are facing financial crisis. Today she offers us *8Things that will help you turn crisis into opportunity. This value-added post is practical, inspiring, and just down right helpful. May you find companionship for the journey in Stephanie’s words today.
*8 Things that Helped Us
Turn Our Personal Housing Crisis into an Opportunity
By Stephanie Walker
Last year at this time, our house was on the market, our bank account was negative and my husband Bob and I were both unemployed. Things were not quite going according to plan. The plan, when Bob’s high-paying contract got cut short, was to sell the house, pay off our debts, rent and start over again. We didn’t want to sell our house, but it was the only way out. We were sinking way too fast. We needed a new plan. The new plan, we agreed, was to turn our financial disaster into an opportunity. Somehow. You know, the whole idea of never letting a good crisis go to waste. Our crisis, we firmly believed, could be an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to learn, to re-prioritize. A challenge, indeed. But a worthy challenge. We may lose it all, but what we would gain in the process could be something more valuable than any house.
With that new thinking, we moved through our foreclosure story. Yes, it became a foreclosure story. We defaulted on our loan and received the “Notice of Intent to Accelerate” from the bank the week before Christmas 2008. In the end, to make a very long and exciting story short, we ended up selling the house in a short sale, narrowly avoiding foreclosure. We sold 90% of our possessions and moved to the suburbs of Chicago to live with my family. We’ve been here for three months. And in less than a week we will be moving to the San Juan Islands where we will be house-sitting for two years and living rent-free. Yes. From a $5,000 mortgage to rent-free. From Los Angeles, California to an island in the Pacific Northwest.
Here are 8 Things that helped us turn our personal housing crisis into an opportunity
1. Talking: I know, this is easier said than done. But now is not the time to keep your concerns, fears, resentments or pain to yourself. Talk about how you’re feeling. Share. Be vulnerable. Does this sound trite? Well, it’s not. Bob is not one to automatically share openly his darkest thoughts. But when he did, it helped not only him but me. It was helpful to know what he was struggling with internally so that I could be more patient or give him the space he needed. And he found that saying it out loud lessened the hold these fears had when internalized. Express it and let it go.
2. The pact: Bob and I made a pact with each other to turn our crisis into an opportunity. We promised each other that we would view every hurdle as an opportunity for growth. That this could be the perfect chance for us to learn how to be happy in the face of any circumstance. We promised to be at our best. And to be there for each other. This pact worked because we were both so profoundly committed to it. We understood that without this pact, our chances for happiness were slim. So we respected the pact and held to it. You can make a pact like this with yourself, but I recommend sharing it with another person so that they can help you keep it in existence.
3. Allowing Others In: Of course we were embarrassed about our situation. We felt like dummies. Idiots. Failures. But we trusted that our friends and family would not judge us as harshly as we were judging ourselves. And we let them in. I’m not saying we showed them our budgets or our credit report. But we did tell them what was happening along the way. We told our friends and family and eventually our neighbors. And then I started writing about everything on “Love in the time of Foreclosure.” We held nothing back.
When our bank account was overdrawn, they brought us homemade lasagna. When I was stressed, they took me out for happy hour. When we just needed to talk, they listened. When we had our estate sale, they were there first thing in the morning running the show. Our friends were amazing. Amazing. The best part about allowing them in on our financial problems, we didn’t have to pretend anything. I don’t know how we would have been able to actually hide our financial disaster, but I can imagine how stressful that would have been. This one requires letting go of your pride. To let others in means to truly be vulnerable. To say, like we did, We screwed up and are in big financial trouble. This is what’s going on. We’re committed to turning this into a good thing some how. We let them into our lives and into our “plan.”
A huge benefit to allowing others in? They have really good advice. Things you wouldn’t think of on your own, necessarily. They send you links to articles that have a wealth of information you need. They put you in touch with people who can help. They share their own stories about their tough times that not only allows you to feel better, but give you hope that if they made it through, you will too.
4. Have Fun: Just because you are facing losing everything, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. This is so important. Yes, we were working our butts off. I had two jobs at one point. We were doing everything we could think of to market the house which included constant cleaning. We didn’t have discretionary funds. But we still had fun. We went for walks. Discovered new parks. Bob competed in the Grilled Cheese Invitational . We watched shows on Hulu. We went to the beach. Hiked in the mountains. Sat by the fire. Had friends over. We had fun. We were committed to being happy even in foreclosure. In this kind of a pact, fun is a key ingredient.
5. Exercise: I am prone to anxiety. When I was a kid I used to think I had a breathing problem. At least that’s what I would tell my parents when it felt like my lungs were incapable of fully expanding: “I think I have a breathing problem.” Well, I discovered that ‘breathing problem’ was actually anxiety. The best cure for anxiety – in my experience- is exercise. It’s hard because the more stressed I get, the less time I have for exercise. But if I don’t, I am only setting myself up for anxiety. Exercise helped me so much through one of the most stressful times of my life.
6. Daily Checkpoints: Every morning when we walked the Pug we would talk about what we would do that day. What we were committed to accomplishing and what we were going to work on personally. Some days I’d wake up so overwhelmed I didn’t want to have this conversation. Luckily on those days, Bob was on the other side (and vice versa.) He would talk me through it. We’d start with ‘clearing out the cobwebs’ before we would talk about our goals for the day. Then, at the end of the day we would recap. How did it go? Did we do what we said we would do? If not, what was in the way? What did we learn and what can we be grateful for? This might sound like it would require a very long conversation, but we were actually able to go through this in about ten minutes. The days we did this always went better than the ones we didn’t. You can create a pact, a vision statement so to speak, but it doesn’t live on its own. It requires constant re-presencing or it will die. Our pact to be our best, turn this crisis into the opportunity of our lives and be happy in the process needed daily care to thrive.
7. Make a Difference for Others: Have you ever noticed that when you have your attention on the well-being of others, you’re less worried about yourself? Well, I have. Bob and I met doing a 500-mile bike ride for charity. On that ride we both talked about how much easier the ride was when we were cheering others on. We’d be at the top of a hill before we realized how difficult the climb was when we were cheering other riders up the hill. The same is true in life. We’re all in this together. And there are so many with great need. In the midst of our foreclosure battle, we collected donations and went on a bus trip down to Mexico to visit an orphanage with a non-profit organization Corazon de Vida. Getting outside of ourselves and focusing on others made such a huge difference. It really puts things in perspective!
8. Believe: (insert cliche here.) I don’t know how to bring this point home without sounding completely cliche. But in the midst of a crisis, you must believe. Believe in your own strength to pull through. Believe that things will improve. Believe that you’ll be stronger for surviving. Believe that you are not alone. I voted for Barack Obama. I was inspired – and still am- by his stand for humanity. By his willingness to stand for and speak about belief and the power it holds. As he said during his campaign: “I’m asking you to believe. Not just in my ability to bring about change in Washington… I’m asking you to believe in yours.”
Read more of Stephanie and Bob’s inspiring story at Love in the Time of Foreclosure. And if you’re selling a house, watch for Pam Weinert (Stephanie’s mom) as she offers real estate advice on Wednesdays at LITTOF. (So helpful! )
