Tag — 8Things
*8Things: Anti-Power Messages to Counteract
I’m working away over here like a busy little bee, preparing for an overseas move AND putting the finishing touches on my next course, Power Stories: tips and tales for standing in your own power. (Get on the early notificiation list here.)
This topic of standing in your own power still resonates strongly with me. I keep thinking of new ways to approach it, and new reasons why learning this skill is so vital to genuine living. This week I jotted down a quick list of *8Things: Anti-Power Messages I’m learning to avoid and to counteract — both in my own life and for the sake of my children. These are the messages that really hemmed me in — and one’s I’m trying (imperfectly) to counter-teach to my own girls.
1) Don’t argue with your parents. While children do need to be respectful to adults because they are humans, they don’t need to kowtow to everything an adult says. In our household we spend a lot of time teasing out what kinds of things are open for discussion, and when it’s time to acquiesce to that parental standby “Because I said so.” We also work on how to contradict teachers and other authority figures with respect, but with clear determination. (A lot of this goes on ’round the kitchen table.) I’ve gotten push back from older family members for letting my kids “talk back.” And from time to (rare) time, they do take it too far, or do it in a snotty tone of voice. But I’d rather have my kids step over the line once in awhile than have them ignore their own truths and desires out of blind obedience. (Plus I think it helps the family-as-community model, which I dig.)
2) Don’t have sex. I’ve written about this before. The short version is, we are trying to help our girls stand in their own power so they can ascertain when they are ready for sex. My hope is that they will not be shamed into abstinence nor rushed into premature sex by media messages about what is “normal;” but rather that they will find their own right time/place/age/partner. Teaching your kids to wisely honor their own bodies is a big step in helping them stand in their own power, and protect their physical selves.
3) Clear your plate.Teaching your kids how to recognize hunger and thirst signals, and honor them is priceless. Think of how much energy you’ve spent over the years worrying about your weight and what you can/can’t eat. If we could harvest that energy, my generation could power the nation for a decade. It’s time to break the cycle. Since they were toddlers we’ve been teaching the girls to have plenty of ”produce and protein;” helping them know when they need carbs for short energy bursts and when they need some long burning protein, encouraging them to drink enough water; explaining why comfort foods comfort; and helping them notice what foods make them feel good, and which cause them to be irritable or unhappy.
4) Because it’s bedtime.Sleep needs vary with ages, seasons, and the amount of stuff that’s on the calendar. Helping kids understand thier work/rest rhythms is good soulcare for life.
5) You can’t quit — you made a commitment. I walk a fine line on this one. On the one hand learning to honor your commitments is a valuable life lesson. On the other, listening to your body/mind/spirit and realizing that it’s time to be done with a give activity is also bedrock stuff for standing in your own power. How many volunteer commitments have you regretted but felt to guilty to resign from? Teach ‘em now people. Teach ‘em now.
6) That’s too tight/low cut/revealing. -AND-
7) That’s a BAD word!
With both attire and language we try to talk to the girls about what’s “appropriate.” A high school senior showing a bit of cleavage at prom? Seems about right. A tweenager in a bikini the size of a doilie — not so much. … Saying “shit” at Danish skole, where the English explicative is the standard word for “poop.” Totally appropriate. Dropping it in front of Grandma? Please don’t! We try to point out that words and clothes aren’t morally “good” or “bad” — it’s how you use them. While shopping or watching TV, “Mom, that doesn’t seem appropriate to me.” is something we hear quite often around these parts.
8) Be Nice. The girls and I were watching Survivor 20 recently. I can’t remember the name or the exact wording but it went something like this. The host said, “SuzyQ you always seem to do quite well on the game, then it comes time to either play a tough strategy, or cave in, and suddenly you lose. What happens?” SuzieQ had no answer. But when they showed the clips of the key moments in which she had lost the game, every one of them showed her abandoning her plan in order to “be nice” in some superficial way. Teach your kids to be respectful. Teach them to be kind. But nice for niceness’ sake? Forget about it.
What’s your list of *8Things: Anti-Power Messages to Counteract? Which messages do you carry from childhood that keep you from standing in your own power? What cultural messages are you counter-acting with you children or with younger people you mentor? Let us know. We need to learn from you! Grab a button and play along. If you put your list on your blog, give us the permalinkin the Mr. Linky below. Thanks for playing!
Do you want to Train with Magpie Girl? I’ve got a new class starting the end of July that’s all about learning to stand in your own power. Join Magpie Girl and Friends as we teach you all our best power stances. Hop on the early notification list for Power Stories: tips and tales for standing in your own power and get first dibs on a seat. See you there!
*8Things: Celebrate the Sun
Over in our online soulcare community, Flock, we are getting ready to celebrate our most jubilant of High Holy Days, Summer Solstice. (Monday, June 21st) We’re learning the history and crafting made-to-fit celebrations to deepen our connection to the season, and to the Light. One of our members is even celebrating her anniversary on the Solstice. (How beautiful!)
Here are *8Things I do to celebrate this longest stretch of Light. Happy celebrating!
*8Things: Celebrate the Sun
- Listen to Polyphonic Spree’s Light and Day.
- Put a jar of flower on the table.
- Wake with the Light.
- Picnic!
- Join a neighborhood parade.
- Have a bonfire.
- Visit thin spaces.
- Be present to gratefulness.
What could you do to celebrate the Summer Solstice? (And our dear friends Down Under, what are you doing for your Winter Solstice?) Give us your list of *8Things : Celebrate the Sun and inspire us! Grab a button and play along. If you put your list on your blog, give us the permalinkin the Mr. Linky below. Happy Solstice.
*8Things: Passion. You’re soaking in it.
You may have heard, because I am complete nerd and Twittered about it incessantly, that I went to see Paolo Nutini last night. (Yes, again. Second time.) When I was a teenager “rock” music was forbidden in my house. And in college I couldn’t afford these new shiny things called “CDs”, much less a ticket to U2 at Red Rock. Now, finally, at 40 I can buy both a Zune pass AND the occasional concert ticket. I guess you could say I’m a late bloomer.
For those of you who don’t know Paolo Nutini, he’s a Scottish singer of Italian descent who’s got an old school soul. The little Senegalese/British man behind me shouted to me “That young man is black on the inside.” (I just nodded. We clinked beer cups.)
There’s something about being with soulful artists like that which both slays me and brings me to life. There are people who perform. Then there are the people who leave it ALL on the stage — their very soul and everything they believe in, lying there on the rug in front of the mic, sweaty and spent but deeply worth it.
Some artists have great technique, or a gifted hand, or a clever eye. I can appreciate that. But my favorites, well, they have all of this plus soul. They create a resonance, a window — something more than finely-executed piece of work. They create a gift, an offering. I recognize it, by the way I feel humbled in it’s presence. Humbled, and deeply grateful.
Being at the show last night reminded me how much I need to be in the presence of that kind of artistry. Even more so, it reminded me how much I long to participate in development of artists who have that kind of soul. To be a withmate to them. To help in whatever small way that I can.
I long for that kind of life the same way I once longed for Narnia. When I am in it’s presence, every particle of my body feels a pull to return to it’s source. The word that comes to my tongue is “transcendence.”
Fear and church and “practicality” kept me from these things in the past. Or maybe they just kept me on simmer until the time was right. But now I stand on the top of a hill and cry: “These are my desires. And I won’t give them up to you this time around.”
I’m not sure how to live in the midst of this soulful, artistic passion full time — or even if I have the stamina to do so. But I know I need to be there more often. I need to move “higher up and deeper in.”
I’m not in deep enough yet, but I’m traveling. I’m on my way.
*8Things: Passion, You’re Soaking In It
1. The lyrics and full-voiced passion of Mumford and Sons.
2. The sweaty, bent-double soul of Paolo Nutini.
3. The architecture of The Getty in L.A.
4. The way dancer Phillip Chbeeb keeps discovering.
5. The column of light in the center of the Pantheon in Rome.
6. All things Vincent VanGogh.
7. The kids who sing on Glee.
8. Every words that comes out of Leonard’s mouth.
What are the *8Things that let you soak in passion? Make sure half of them are easily at your finger tips, will you? It will serve you well. Grab a button and play along. If you put your list on your blog, give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. May you soak in passion this week.
*8Things: Fill-’er-Up
Two trips to Spain and a few days into June, and I still feel depleted. Is that even possible? I mean, isn’t it Spring — nearly Summer? Shouldn’t I be feeling a bit more shored-up, a little more filled-up new life and rebirth and all that good seasonal stuff?
There are several things that are contributing this general feeling of being on “EMPTY.” Part of it is a string of family illnesses, topped off with a few days of killer migraine. Part of it is that the sun is still only making rare appearances. (I’ve yet to make it all the way through the day in short sleeves.) Part of is just the constant low-grade wear and tear of life as an ex-pat. And part of it is that I’m doing a lot of on-line care-giving without filling back up.
I know. When will I ever learn?
So in an effort to keep this “EMPTY” thing from being chronic, here is a list of *8Things I can do that I know will fill me back up.
The Fill-’er-Up List
1. Time Outdoors. Right now my favorite version of this is an hour in the morning on my teeny-tiny bedroom balcony. It’s too small for a bistro table-and-chair. So I just pull a blanket out there and read in the daylight with the dog.
2. Beautiful Things. A trip out to the Louisiana Modern Art Museum would be a good idea. As would spending more time in the demonstration garden at the university down the street. (There are ducklings!)
3. Bathing in Poetry. Some musicians wash over me like warm water. I’ve been so into work lately that all I’ve had in my earbuds are how-to books. Mumford and Sons is working for me right now, but most of my favorite musical poets are more Winter music, if you know what I mean. I need a couple more musical sources that are all poetry and ripe for the Summer.
4. Eat Outdoors. The sun hits the blacony on the other side of our flat just in time for dinner. Often we are so tired we think it will be easier just to eat indoors. But really, it’s just as simple to carry our plates out into the sunshine.
5. Novels and Such. I need books that have nothing to do with work. Right now I’m reading The Book of Air and Shadows
6. Boundaries. No working on Sundays. Less time on line. More time unplugged. Certain things need to firm up around here!
7. Knitting. It’s odd to be knitting in the warm weather, but these long light evenings make me want to be industrious between dinner and bed. I’m making beautiful wraps for two ladies I love. I’m on my second version of Azzu’s Shawl, and with the kind help of Abby from Life at the Poles, I’m working on the Maja as well. It’s so soothing, and seeing evidence of clear-and-obvious progress helps me out a lot.
8. Water. Drinking it. Swimming in it. Sitting by it. Water is so bedrock to me right now. (Can you mix that metaphor?) I had to step away from the pool this week in order to let my sinuses heal, and it’s really making me edgy. Hopefully I can get back in there next week.
What feeds you body and soul these days? What do you need to keep the needle off the big “E”? Give us your *8Things: Fill-’er-Up list in the comments below or grab a button and play along! If you put your list on your blog, give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. Thanks for playing!
*8Things: Improved Eating
Oh you guys. I have been trying to lose weight for so long it is not even funny.
You may know that up until recently I was very ill. Chronic Daily Migraines for the better part of 7 years. I’m talking crawl-up-the-stairs-on-your-hands-and-knees ill.
Then last summer doctor number 27 actually found a root problem. Iron. I did not have enough iron in my blood to be even on the low end of the iron scale. How I managed to stay out of a hospital is a mystery. And why did I not have any iron? Gluten. Every time I ate gluten (think bread, beer, pasta) my immune system attacked by digestive system, until I couldn’t absorb any minerals.
So I learned to eat gluten-free and took enough supplements to creat a ne w food group. After 3 months, my iron count had improved, the headaches were 80% reduced, and I could walk around again.
So nowadays? No bread or baked goods. Also, I gave up refined sugar. And I now swim or walk an hour a day. Due to food restrictions and a lack of Whole Foods in Copenhagen, a typical day’s food for me is a bowl of oatmeal with nuts and raisins; two rice cakes with tuna salad and tomatoes; and a piece of chicken or beef with a salad. Weight loss over the course of 6 months? 5 pounds.
Not. Fair.
But enough whining. All you can do is keep on keeping on, right? All I can do is move further and further into health and trust that eventually my previously-shut-down digestive system will catch up with itself. So here is my list this week:
*8Things: Improved Eating
1.More Veggies. I’m trying to get two all-vegetarian heavy-on-greens meals in each week.
2. Protein: I still eat a lot of oatmeal and corn pasta. (Stopped with the white rice tho!) I don’t like handling meat, and good tofu is hard to come by here. I’m going to try adding hard cooked eggs to more things this week.
3. Water: I only like it with citrus and limes still trigger my migraines. I’m trying!
4. Eliminate Coke Zero:I swear to god the secret ingredient is crack. This is all I ever want to eat or drink. Well, this and brownies –which I can’t have. My 11yo is helping me give it up (again). It’s my 30 Days to Pavlov project in June.
5. Iced Tea: I’m trying to drink more herbal tea. I don’t like green tea. How about peppermint?
6. Supplements:I’m faithfully taking things to regulate blood sugar, support my liver, and build up my iron (it’s still low). I want to order some ProBiotics and add them to the mix. (Taking my vitamins faithfully was one of my Pavlov projects.)
7. Grill-a-licious: The sun is out! (Well, as out as it ever gets in northern climes.) Time to marinade in the morning to grill by dinner.
8. Treats: Cost be damned! It’s time to buy watermelon, raspberries and blueberries.
Eating local? Organic? Just trying to tune things up? Give us your *8Things: Improved Eating list. Grab a button and play along! Put your list in the comments; or post on your blog and give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. (We’ll come come say hi! ) Thanks for being here!
Oh, and if you need a really yummy recipe, I think our little collections here and here are quite nice.
*8Things: People To Appreciate
As you all know, I live as an American ex-pat in Denmark. It’s not the kind of culture that tries to make babies smile on the bus or invites you over for a cup of coffee. Needless to say, this community builder has been a bit lonely.
In addition to a handful of wonderful pals and one dear Danish-Estonian family, I’ve relied heavily on my online community to fill in the gaps. This week I’d like to honor *8 people I appreciate, who live with me on line.
1. Becky Knight: Soulsister and clinical sexologist, dishing about all things blushable at Living Sexuality.
2. Jen Payne: Former Monkfisher and faithful Skype confident, offering long distance therapy at Jen Payne Counseling.
3. Jena Strong: Life coach to the rescue, saving my sanity one phone call at a time via Bullseye Baby.
4. Melanie Martin: German expat in England, and constant Twitter companion.
5. Jolie Guillebeau: She of 100 Paintings in 100 Days and inspiring Soulsister.
6. Barbi Beckett: adorable neighbor, fellow art-mom, faithful facebooker.
7. Michelle Fredette: former expat turned Portlander and fellow new-business launcher.
8. Ronna Detrick: spiritual director and co-conspirator, to be found at RENEGADE Conversations.
Who supports you in your online (or physical) world? Give them a shout out an lavish them with love in your *8Things: People to Appreciate list. Grab a button and play along! Put your list in the comments; or post on your blog and give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. (We’ll come come say hi! ) Thanks for being here!
*8Things: Small Gratitudes
When the sun comes out and the college kids congregate in the public squares, my heart gets grateful. Little things become more easily seen and treasured. It must be all that light glimmering off the daffodils.
*8Things: Small Gratitudes
1. Morning cuddles with Cate.
2. Samson’s pitter pat toes when hears the word “walk.”
2. Sunlight at 8pm.
3. Being car-free.
4. Swiming solo.
5. A room of my own.
6. Cola on ice.
7. Sundays to ourselves.
8. The sound of the elevator at the end of the day.
What’s on your *8Things: Small Gratitudes list today? Grab a button and play along! Put your list in the comments; or post on your blog and give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. (We’ll come come say hi! ) Thanks for being here!
*8Things: F*ck Conventional Wisdom
I want to run down the halls of my high school.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs.
I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world.
It’s just a lie you have to rise above.-J.Mayer, No Such Thing
This week’s list is a part of our series, Standing in Your Own Power…which is an extension of this *8Things . (It seems we have come full-circle.)
One of the things we’ve been talking about in our Standing in Your Own Power series is the difference between external sources of authority (institutions, cultural messages, etc) and internal sources of authority (The Muse, intuition, etc.) External sources often come cloaked in the guise of “conventional wisdom.” There are of course, good examples of conventional wisdom. “Look both ways before crossing the street” comes immediately to mind. But there are plenty of dubious CW soundbites as well.
As Jen Lemen once point out, “The Man” has really done a job on me. There are a number of thing in my head that I accept as truth without applying a critical eye. So, like Penny did with Fear, I’d like to say f*ck off to these *8 bits of conventional wisdom.
*8Things: F*ck Conventional Wisdom
1. I sound like my mother. Why does this have to be a bad thing? Motherhood is an honorable profession.
2. You should try to stay the size you were in high school. Seriously? This so does NOT honor our bodies.
3. It’s not a ‘real’ book unless it’s printed by a ‘real’ publisher. Um, who says?
4. Your children need to go to church. They need a religious foundation. Don’t get me started.
5. You need good grades. This is important for like, 5 minutes of your life. Average grades work fine.
6. You have to be financially secure. Really, the need for financial security and how you define it varies widely based on personality.
7. That’s not how it’s done. Anything remotely like this sets off big warning bells
What *8Things do you need to stop listening to? What does “everybody” know is true, but doesn’t work for you? Tell that stuff to take a hike in your *8Things: F*ck Conventional Wisdom list. Grab a button and play along! Put your list in the comments; or post it on your blog and give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below. (We’ll come come say hi! ) Thanks for being here!
*8Things: This I know
This week’s list is a part of our series, Standing in Your Own Power…which is an extension of this *8Things . (It seems we have come full-circle.)
When it comes to finding your power, a handy repeat-as-often-as-necessary exercise is to write a lit of things you know to be true. (Even Oprah does it.) I find that this list slips around a bit for me. So I like to do it a couple times a year. Here is my current list of:
*8Things: This I Know
1. I can succeed, even with chronic pain, if I define success by my own internally-identified terms.
2. As a mom, I kinda rock.
3. “Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and above all things, Love.”
4. You can love with your whole heart, no questions asked. (Jen Lemen said it, and I believe it.)
5. My gremlins are not testaments to truth telling, and therefore as witnesses, they can be ignored.
6. Art is my new church.
7. My family creates community wherever we go.
8. I can be married and be a self-actualized, happy, passion-following woman at the same time.
What are the things you know, that you Know, that you KNOW? These are the boulders at the foundation you use to stand in your own power. List your *8Things: This I Know in the comments, or grab a button and play along. If you post on your list on your blog, please give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below so we can come say hi! Thanks for being here.
*8Things:If (then)
I can tell there is hard, boring work to be done because suddenly my Gremlins are saying “If” a lot. “If only you had X you wouldn’t have to do Y.” It’s how they distract me from doing the tasks at hand. By whinning.
I’m going to try to turn whinning into a superpower by turning my major If’s into “If….then” clauses that might get me closer to my dream goals. Wanna play?
1. IF you had a start-up fund you would have the help you need for your small business. (THEN I’d better start reading Itty Biz because according to this interview, she is all about helping “single person business” get rolling.)
2. IF I had unlimited funds all my clothes would fit and be flattering. (THEN I’d better get rid of the unflattering stuff and start building a wardrobe that flatters one piece at a time.)
3. IF I could, I would spend a good portion of each winter in a sunny climate. (THEN I’d better get on some home exchange sites and see what we can work out.)
4. IF I was single I would never eat anything a but take-out and scrambled eggs for dinner. (THEN you better stop with the 50′s housewife “hot home cooked meal with two sides” crap and recognize that your family is fine with a bowl of spaghetti and some sliced bell peppers.)
5. IF I had more time I would swim every day. (THEN you better start realizing the time you have is the time you have, and choose to make swimming a priority.)
6. IF my bike was working I would ride it more. (THEN you better find the spare keys, walk it to the bike shop, and pump up the tires on Saturday.)
7. IF I knew how, I would get my readers talking a little bit more. (THEN you better start trying different techniques/ideas and see what works.)
8. IF I could hire someone who could write code, I wouldn’t have to do so much manual fiddly work on my websites. (THEN you better start asking around to find out how to hire this mysterious person and how much it would cost.)
What is your list for *8Things : IF (THEN)? Let us know in the comments, or grab a button and play along. If you post on your list on your blog, please give us the permalink in the Mr. Linky below so we can come say hi! Thanks for being here.
