Some people are natural parents. The children arrive, by blood or by adoption, and some deep seated knowledge kicks in.

I am not one of those people.

When my daughter final arrived, after a string of pregnancy disasters and difficulties, I found myself to be completely out of my depth. In infancy, I couldn’t tell whether a cry was for hunger or for tiredness. The hormones stew of pregnancy, delivery, and nursing left be adrift in depression. And when my next daughter unexpectedly arrived, leaving me home with two children aged two-and-under, I realized I disliked nearly all of the everyday tasks of parent (cooking, cleaning, dealing with toddler temper tantrums, endless hours of make believe…) In short, I felt like a TOTAL LOSER.

Thank God for these authors, who gave me companionship, laughter, and not a small amount of good advice for the journey. Give this collection as shower gifts, and your friends will love you forever. Or, stock your own shelves if you’re preparing for the onslaught of parenthood.

The Three-Martini Playdate: A practical guide to happy parenting
Christie Mellior

Already, you love the title, yes? Mellior’s basic premise that you were here first, and children should be seen only if they can be ever-so-helpful as to help Mommy pass out the cocktail napkins and crudities. Here’s an excerpt from the opening chapter:

Gone are the days when a small person of tender age would do as he or she was asked, good naturedly and obediently, and the rest of the time would sit quietly reading or practicing a simple cross stitch…One wasn’t required to transport the little children hither and tither, here to T-ball practice, there to a “playdate,” may the chipper mommy who coined that particular term forever rot in a hell of eternally colicky babies….
Let us be perfectly frank. You were here first. You are sharing your house with them, your food, your time, your books. Somewhere, in fairly recent memory, we have lost sight of that fact.

Oh, I hope you are ever so much in love! No one helped me take my parenting gig less seriously–something I was in deep need of after too many months of reading up on what to expect. So click here, and in a few days you could be sipping your favorite thing-made-with-gin with my soulsister and me. Cheers! Today’s Flavor: Pass the vodka.

The Girlfriends’ Guide to Surviving The First Year of Motherhood
Vicki Iovine

I like taking advice from former playboy models who have four children in six years (no, none of them are twins.) For instance, in regards to the many children, Iovine suggests not mixing red wine and your husband’s birthday. (Good point!)

Anyone with a sense of humor will enjoy this no-nonsense, practical, “we’ve been there” advice – including how to detect being postpartumish, a terrific term to help your friend identify when you need help with the post-delivery hormone stew. All of Iovine’s parenting books are helpful, but the first two: Pregnancy and First Year are are top notch. Today’s Flavor: Helps you out without stressing you out.

Operating Instructions
Anne Lamott

If you are a regularly reader of Magpie Girl, you already know that Anne is my priestess. My dear friend Wendy–mother of the adorable Rees, who we fully plan on marrying off to Eden–gave me this book shortly after the birth of my second child. More poetic than my other recommendations, but still deeply funny, Lamott’s story of adjusting to being the single mother to a baby boy is told with refreshing, and sometimes shockingly honesty. Once again, consumate story teller Lamott becomes an essential traveling companion, this time for those of us on the parenting road. Today’s Flavor: Real, with a touch of funny.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 5th, 2008 at 6:20 am and is filed under Fact.



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