Category — Soulcare
Flock Sampler: Ask an Expert, Dream Counselor
What kind of questions do the Flock experts answer? When you have a Life Coach, a Sexologist, a Mental Health Counselor, a Dream Counselor, and a Money Healer on staff, the answer is almost anything. Here’s an example…
Originally posted in the Flock, February 3 2010.
Hello, Flock! Welcome to our first dream session with Karen Mori Bonner, MS, LPC. This month, a Flock Dreamer sends this dream:
It’s a recurring dream I’ve had for as long as I can remember and it always involves being in a big, dark, warm and comforting house full of rich wood and soft lamplight, lots of windy corridors and nooks and crannies for curling up and reading. I know it’s my house and I always marvel as how I can afford such a gorgeous, large home. But…at some point there’s a party happening downstairs and I go along and try to join in. It’s a work-related party with people I hate and I can’t figure out whether I’ve invited them or they’ve just turned up. I think from the conversation (which I can never remember) that they’re all much more intelligent than I am. I get really annoyed that they’re in my house and I can’t work out why. At some point then the house disappears and we’re in some kind of open-air venue that feels alien to me. Then I wake up!
Karen Replies:
Thank you, Dreamer! First, a reminder: I can’t (won’t) interpret the dream; I will make suggestions and comment on themes and larger symbolism found in the dream. It’s the responsibility of our Dear Dreamer to try these on and discard anything that doesn’t fit and produce that “a-HA!” moment.
Recurring dreams – Dreams come as pictures or little plays from our unconscious to tell us something about ourselves we do not already know. Think of a recurring dream as a blinking neon sign – you haven’t got the message yet.
Big dark warm comforting house – Often (not always) houses represent the psyche itself – where we live in our heads. This is especially true about “dream” houses that we don’t know from waking life like this one. A common theme is to discover a downstairs or an upstairs or more rooms than we thought – our psyche is bigger than we think and we’re only conscious of a limited area.
Party/downstairs – There is always a party going on in the unconscious! References to downstairs, underground, under water can be about deeper, not yet conscious places in our psyche. The party may refer to the dynamic elements in our psyche – our complexes. Don’t get excited about complexes. They are not necessarily positive or negative – they are just constellations of psychological energies that make up who we are based on our experiences and the emotions that accompanied them. (Say that three times fast!)
Work-related – the dream may be a comment on your work life, Dreamer – but not necessarily. However, that’s what I’d consider first if it were my dream.
People I hate – Ahhhh…. Here it is. Remember! Every thing and every one in our dreams are parts of us. Oh, NO! These “people I hate” are our Shadow. Parts of ourselves we’ve disowned, disavowed, devalued. Yet Psyche is always moving to reunite us with our split off selves so we can become conscious of them. Why? So we don’t project that shadowy stuff onto other people! The work for this Dreamer is to examine carefully the “people I hate” and come to see what part of that is her. We are selectively blind about ourselves but greater consciousness is called for in the world and it starts with us. Yikes! No wonder Dreamer (dream ego) is annoyed! Such an examination and call to consciousness may call for – brace yourselves! Change!
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Flock: Soulcare with Magpie Girl is an online soulspa full of support, guidance, inspiration and community. This private membership site creates a safe haven dedicated to “finding a spirituality that fits.” Please stop by to learn more about our current offerings, meet our professional soulcare providers, or to join us in the Flock.
1Q Interview: Ronna Detrick and Telling Our Truth
“I consistently hear about the ramifications, risks, and costs associated with telling the truth, living out loud, revealing our hearts…It’s true: telling our truth is a dangerous thing. It’s also a wild, extravagant, life-changing thing.” –Ronna Detrick
Ah, telling the truth. Sometimes it can feel risky, costly, even terrifying.
One area where I have had to do a lot of risky-feeling truth-telling is in the area of religion. I grew up in the church, spent tens of thousands of dollars on a seminary education, and worked in religious institutions until my mid-30’s. When my religious practices and beliefs began to shift, I was terrified to tell the truth. What would happen to my job? My calling? My community? But eventually “… the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anaïs Nin) I started speaking the truth. And you know what? I lost all of those things… and rebuilt new more nurturing versions. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it life-affirming and worth it. Absolutely.
Today in our 1Q Interview, I am thrilled to introduce you to spiritual director and long-time colleague, Ronna Detrick. Ronna is the host to all sorts of soulful discussions at her site RENEGADE Conversations. On April 13th she’s hosting a free teleseminar “Telling the Truth in Extravagant Ways.” Today Ronna’s speaking to us about the bravery of truth telling, and how it can change your life for the better.
Q: In our work you and I often hear the hum of fear behind women’s voices when they talk about wanting to tell the truth – the truth about their beliefs, their dreams, and their desires. What is the first thing you say to a client when you hear that fearful hum in her voice? How do you begin to address it together?
A: Such a good question! First, let me say that I can very quickly hear that fearful hum because I have known it so profoundly in my own voice, my own life. When I hear it, the first thing I do is begin asking “what if” questions. “What if you said whatever you wanted?” “What if you felt (and expressed) whatever you wanted?” “What if you did whatever you wanted?” As soon as we step into those realms, the list of risks and ramifications is legion. Our usual response is to quickly pack everything back up, shove it down inside, and soldier on. (I did that for years and can still feel my tendency to do such, at times.) But what I want to create is a level of safety that allows the unraveling, revealing, and storytelling to continue; to create space in which those lists can be tenderly exposed, and then kindly, slowly, gently wondered about, explored, and talked through…truthfully. It’s not a quick and simple process. But even the smallest movement of our internal voices into external realms – truth-telling – is beautiful, powerful, and profound.
Is there some truth within you that you’ve been longing to speak aloud? We’re happy to listen. You can whisper it (or SHOUT it) in the comments. We promise to give you virtual congratulatory pats on the back and to say helpful and supportive things!
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You can find Ronna Detrick’s blog and services at RENEGADE Conversations. And don’t forget to sign up for her free April 13th teleseminar, “Telling the Truth in Extravagant Ways” by clicking here.
Our 1Q interviews turn into 3Q Interviews at our one line soulspa, Flock: soulcare with Magpie Girl. Join us as Ronna gives us tips on staying brave enough to tell the truth, and talks about how the stories of other brave women can inspire our truth-telling. Click here to learn how to become a member of the Flock.
Standing in Your Own Power: Defy Institutions
Last week on *8Things I started a riff about ways to Stand in Your Own Power. As I said then, I’m not even sure what this turn of phrase means, and I know it is key.
I know it means not letting your internal authority be overruled by external sources of authority (religious institutions, schools, “experts”). I know it has to do with tapping into your intuition. I know it is the most essential thing I can teach my children.
Allyson wrote to me asking that I expand on these thoughts. She has been on my mind a lot these days, and I figure that is a prompt from The Muse. So I am going to listen. For the next 8 weeks I will do my level best to write a post on each of the *8Things I Know about Standing in Your Own Power. These may be embryonic thoughts, but embryos have been known to go on to do great things. This week: Defy Institutions.
From the time our parents enroll us in preschool the Institutions start to shape us. Sit in your chair. Face front. Raise your hand. Don’t dot your “i”s with smiley faces.
This is not entirely a bad thing. At their best, Institutions teach us how to work in groups and to play nice with others. They introduce us to new ideas and provide us a place to practice.
The problem with Institutions — particularly church and school — is that a big part of their gig is to be Authority Figures. They get to be in charge because they purport to be the keepers of knowledge and instructions. They Know What to Do. They are the experts at How it is Done. Furthermore, the Institutions have a vested interest in keeping the status quo. Because if the things they have authority over change — the way you learn, the way you worship, the way you connect to God — well, then they are out of a gig aren’t they? (Unless they can adapt. Unfortunately institutions are notorious bad at adapting at any kind of reasonable pace. They are clunky, those institutions. Even as culture begins to shift, Institutions remain the same in mis-guided effort to hold on to power.)
Now what if YOU are an emerging, growing being? What if every day you are growing into your own skin, experiencing moments of revelation — what if you are becoming? What if you are doing all these things and you are embedded in the Institutions, which are standing still, ruminating on the past, and reminding you ad nauseam that they are the Authority? [Read more →]
SoulRetreats: Gather your Tribe this Summer
I’m excited to announce the arrival of my second eBook. Let’s do a little dance!
(To read the nararation about SoulRetreats instead, click here.)
Do you want to form a Soultribe of your very own? Are you longing to hole up with some like minded friends for nurture and comfort, but you aren’t sure where to start? SoulRetreats: how to host a tribe with art soul is just what you’ve been looking for — a practical-but-beautiful book to walk you through the steps of organizing your very own SoulRetreat. We’ll help you do it without financial burdens or hosting burn-out. And we’ll do it for just $20 — a small price to pay to be on your way to a tribe to call home.
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
Here’s what’s inside:
SoulRetreats is a soulful, instructive eBook written by Rachelle Mee-Chapman, with special guests Jennifer McGuiggan, Jolie Guillebeau and Rebecca Dallin. Within its 59 pages you’ll find poetic essays nestled alongside practical “YBH” (yes, but how?) instructions. In addition there are webpages where you can share your experiences with other readers; and links to the free online tools you’ll need to make your Soulretreat practical and easy. Because art and beauty are of high value at Magpie Girl, SoulRetreats has an attractive layout with photos and design elements by Neil Sittler of Stickflower Designs.
When you buy SoulRetreats, you’ll also received a link to our free book, SoulFood: how to cook for tribe. SoulFood includes delicious vegetarian and gluten-free recipes by Jolie Guillebeau, and ecumenical table blessings gathered by Jessica Schafer. It makes cooking with your soultribe easy and satistfying.
You have everything you need! Let’s get started.
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
Contents of SoulRetreats
- How Something Good Finally Got Born
- Preparing for Your Soultribe
- Unpacking: Letting Go of Past Tribes
- Invitations and Introductions
- How to Quash a Gremlin Uprising
- Not the Mom: Creating Co-Ownership in a Tribe
- Sample SoulRetreat Schedule
- Tabletop Spirituality
- Ten Tips for SoulRetreat SoulFood
- How Not to Lose Money
- Follow-Up: *8Things to Keep Your Soultribe Connected
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
The Magpie Girl Guides Promise
If you don’t find this book lovely and helpful, I will happily refund your money. Just email me within 30 days of purchase. No worries.
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Best of Magpie Girl: A Shrine for Hard Feelings
Things are a bit sparse over here while Magpie Girl is getting a face lift. I hope you don’t mind a little walk down memory lane, beginning with this piece from May 2008. Thanks for being here!
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Cate was yelling at me. Again.
Every day it’s the same story. I pick Cate up from school and she happily shows me the new trick she can do on the peddle car; the stone she dug up in the sand pit; how many times she can hop the jump rope on one foot. We find Eden and start the ten minute walk home. By minute seven Cate is screaming about something. Anything.
We started with sympathy, then moved on to time outs, and I’m sure at some point there’s been some yelling on my part as well. Clearly Cate was struggling with the transition between school and home. Clearly she was angry. And clearly whatever she was yelling about was not what was really bothering her.
Finally, I sat her down at the kitchen table and got down at eye level. I addressed her very calmly and very seriously, “Cate. This isn’t working. You’re having trouble moving between being at school and being at home. I can see that you are angry, right?”
“Yes! I. AM. ANGRY!” (also crying)
“It’s totally okay to be angry. But screaming at Mommy is not okay, right?”
“RIGHT! OKAY? OKAY? RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!”
“Did you know anger is a cover-up emotion? It covers up some other emotion. Something else is hiding under there.”
“It is?” (now backing down to mere sniffles)
“Yes. And I need you to think about it and tell me what it is that’s hiding under there.”
With that, the floodgates broke open. She missed all the friends she left behind when we moved. She didn’t have any friends at school. And she missed BF Day (her old school.) And some of the kids said mean things. And she doesn’t know Danish yet. And her only friends who speak English live far, far away. And did she mention, she didn’t have any friends at school?
Well, I’d already addressed all of those things. We talked about how making friends was her superpower, but that it took time. I had reminded her that we had only been at the new school for 2 weeks. I had explained that it would take a little longer than usual because we don’t know Danish yet. But, I had assured her, friends would come.
Knowing I’d already said all of this, and having a not unsmall amount of parental wisdom, I did not go into this again. Instead I asked her a question of clarification, “Cate. Do you want Mommy to talk about all these problems with you, or do you just need someplace to put them all.”
“Like what place?”
“Like a shrine.”
“I could make a shrine?”
Sure could. I dove under my desk and came up with three or four odd little boxes and tins. Cate chose a tin that used to hold bandages – Jesus bandagesto be exact. After asking for stickers, tape and some scratch paper, Cate went to work. Soon she had a bonafide Shrine for Hard Feelings. It consisted of the bandage tin, a sticker of a sacred heart Jesus, some fortune cookie sized strips of paper cello-taped to the side, and one of those tiny golf pencils. Cate wrote her hard feelings down on the pieces of paper and tucked them into the tin.
“If I put these in here, Jesus will make the sad feelings go away.” she said.
“Well,” I fine tuned, “Jesus might not make them go all the way away, but at least he can hold them for a little while.”
Cate has been faithfully using the Shrine for Hard Feelings for a week now. Sometimes she’ll start ramping up into a yell-fest, but then you can see her sort of visibly pull up, and she’ll say “Wait a minute,” and go find her shrine. I’ll see her scribbling away, then tucking the paper into the tin and snapping it shut. A few minutes later she’ll be back with me, or her sister, or her dad, and the steam will have been vented.
Sometimes I wonder what all my ad hoc spirituality is teaching my children. I’m trying my best — but so did my parents, and my church, and my religious school — and I sure ended up with a bunch of crap mixed in there with the goodies. If I make up random sacraments, if my children spend their lives building Shrines for Hard Feelings and hurling plates at Anger Altars, will they regret it? I am not sure. But this I believe; my attempts, though small and flawed and most assuredly open for misinterpretation, these humble attempts at caring for these precious souls will teach them these true things
Your feelings are real.
Someone loves you enough to help in hard times.
God is big enough to handle your anger.
There is a place for you.
That seems like a good place to start.
Soulcrafting: a gallery
I’m getting ready to teach Soulcraft for the first time over at Flock. (I’m so excited!) To get ready I gathered up a lot of my past work — from 2004 onward — to share as examples. Wow! Was I surprised at how much I’d produced! (And these are only the one’s I’d already taken photos of or scanned into the computer.)
What would happen if you gathered up all the projects you’ve worked on in the past year to two? You might be pleasantly surprised! Stack all your knitting, gather all your sketches, print out all your poems. Let’s open a gallery!
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| a selection of my collages, with ideas for supplies |
Epiphany: Fairies, Snowballs of Honor, and Finding Your Star
Cate with the Snowball of Honor – a snow egg.
It is silent and still as “snow, on snow, on snow” comes down. Cate and I are bundled up to our noses against the cold, but happy in the oasis that is the walled garden near our urban home.
“Can we visit the Fairy Tree?,” asks Cate.
“Of course!” I reply.
“Oh good, I want to give the Fairies the Snowball of Honor.” says Cate.
When we get to the tree, Cate leaves her snowball in a hollow as an offering.
“Hey Cate,” I say, “tomorrow is Epiphany and we get to find the name of the star we will follow for the year. Want to ask the Fairies what the name of your star will be?” She nods. She closes her eyes and holds out her hand it it’s puffy pink glove. I say, “Imagine that the Fairies are carrying a word to you. They are swirling around you like the snow flakes. And now, they are putting the word in your hand.” I touch her open palm with one finger. “Open you eyes! ”
The second her eyes open, the word is on her tongue. “Friendship!” she exclaims. “The name of my star is Friendship!”
And so, our new year begins.
Cate, last Winter, at the Fairy Tree.
For those of you who would like to move deeper into a practice of Epiphany, you can learn more about this tradition, receive a spoken-word blessing, and get help crafting your own High Holy Days atFlock with Magpie Girl: a soulcare spa. Thanks for being here!
Fear — How to Break Up with the Bastard
Pen’s photo of her Dear John letter — a long overdue break up with fear.
Have you read Pen’s break up letter over at The Penny Has Dropped? Seriously. It’s the best post I’ve read all year.
Like many of you I’ve been kind of blah about reflecting on 2009. And I’m even less organized in my thoughts about what I want to project into 2010. But telling fear to fuck off? That I’m in to.
So here’s what I’m thinking, tonight, on New Year’s Eve, I’m going to write a break up letter to fear. Not only is it New Year’s Eve, but it’s also a Full Moon, and a Blue Moon to boot. If that’s not serious mojo, I don’t know what is. So what do you say? Wanna join me?
What parting words do you have to say to Fear? Jot them down on a note card. Then take a photo and add it to our Flickr pool to encourage others to dump the bum. Say “I’m in!” in the comments below to help us all along. “Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.”
How to Heal the Downside of the Creative Processs: Sing Praises.
It is The Day After the launch of Flock. Now that I’ve birthed something new out into the world the post-pregnancy hormones are turning into a big boiling pot of neurosis stew. All my gremlin voices are chattering away at me, and my insecurities are looming large.
The monkey-ish part of my mind is telling me that everything is going to fall apart: I’ll get sick again and not be able to keep up. No one will pay for my services and skill. And the loudest message of all: “Everyone Else is more Helpful than You.”
I’m embarrassingly predictable.
Part of this pattern is attributable to my religious upbringing, which drilled into my subconscious this If/Then clause:
If you ‘step out to do God’s work’ then you will ‘come under attack.’
I point this out because I know many of my readers are in the same boat. I think part of what we do here together, is to re-write our inner narratives so they reflects more health, more shalom. When my voices loom large and I start defining things as “attack,” it helps to remember that this discombobulated feeling is actually a normal part of the creative process; that many of my artistic friends express the same phenomenon; and that like the physical reality of childbirth, eventually these hormonally-things level out.
In the wake of this gremlin uprising, I decided to check in with some of my favorite writers. Once a week or so I go through the blogs on my RSS feeds. I follow about 50 people, and checking in on them is one of my favorite things to do when I feel stuck, or overwhelmed, or lonely. There is so much beauty in these writers and artists, so much wisdom, and hope and breakthrough. Today was no different. Everyone seemed to have cooked up good stuff over the holidays. But this time, instead of inspiring me, those rich, winsome posts started getting me down. “See,” said the monkey gremlins “I told you Everyone Else is More Helpful than You.”
I started getting whiney. Whiney, insecure, and jealous. I don’t want those feelings. I don’t even feel like they belong to me. They belong to my miserly, selfish, un-generous Evil Twin. The real me is grateful and generous. The real me celebrates the success and wisdom of Other Women. The real me is Dangerously Giving. The real me is madly in love with Abundance and throws things out into the universe two handfuls at a time.
So in an effort to quite my Gremlins, settle my Monkey Mind, and banish my Evil Twin, I decided to sing. (Tra La La!) As an antidote, I am Singing the Praises of kind bloggers who have brought wisdom, insight and beauty into my life today. I’m honoring their Passion and Attentiveness. I’m saying: “Hey, look over there at what THEY did!” Most of all, I’m being grateful. Because at my core, that is my truest self.
May you find all these good things and more today.
Much Warmth,
Rachelle
Bloggers to Banish The Gremlin Blues
If you need to banish fear from your life: write a Dear Fear letter with The Penny Has Dropped. (She starts with “Dear Fear, fuck off….). And for more on fear, have a cuppa with the ElderWoman (via Anchors and Masts).
If you need a rite of letting go for the New Year: Pink Coyote has a powerful one. (It involves fire!)
If you need to set aside all the rush and emotion and ups and downs of The Holidays and just celebrate possibility, The Bliss Chick can help.
If you are dreading re-entry to your work/school/normal routine, The Girl Who Cried Epiphany has some good thoughts on dealing with other people’s energy. (A constant growing edge for me.)
Who gave you the food you needed today? Share some link love in the comments below and pass the goodness on!
8 Creative Approaches to Grief
This week on guest post day, I’m delighted to have Kara from Mother Henna here to talk to us about creative ways to address and honor our grief.
From colorful celebrations like Dia de los Muertos to more solemn ceremonies like Blue Christmas mass, Kara has gathered an impressive list of resources to help you or someone you love navigate the difficult waters of the holiday season.
In my work as a pastor, and later as a soulcare specialist, I found that those who are experiencing grief are severely underserved. So please, pass this resource around. The world needs people like Kara who know good grief.
8 Creative Approaches to Grief:
creating new traditions for the holidaze
by Kara LC Jones
When talking with people about grief & creativity, I often hear things like, “I’m just not very creative” or “I’m not really an artist.” The thing about learning to live life after loss is that creativity becomes an every day practice, not just an artistic endeavor. It’s not always about writing poetry or drawing or painting. When someone is overwhelmed by grief and goes to the ocean to throw rocks as a way to express anger, they are being creative. When someone chooses to pay for the coffee of the person behind them, leaving a Kindness Card for the person, they are being creative.
So at this time of year, when the holidays might end up seeming like a holidaze for bereaved people, I thought it might be helpful to offer 8 seasonal ideas for practicing your creative approach to living life after loss.
1) Remembrance Day and Month
The month of October and particularly October 15th are Pregnancy Loss, Infant & Child Death Awareness times. Just know that if the death of a child is what has you in a holidaze, you are not alone. Take a moment each day to light a candle. Spend a few silent moments honoring your love for that child. Grief cannot take away your love.
2) Day of the Dead. The month of October is also preparation and lead up to Days of the Dead. October 31st is sometimes thought of as the day of the innocents, honoring the children who have died first. Then November 1 and 2 are honoring anyone who has died, who you wish to honor. There is a long history and cultural context to these traditions, and rituals often vary depending on the particular community in which you celebrate. But most all include making, decorating, and displaying of sugar skulls. We host a day every October for people to come to our home, make & decorate sugar skulls, and then place them on our community ofrenda or take home for their personal altars. We pass the bucket on these days, too, and any proceeds raised go to the local Food Bank in honor of all those we are remembering. [Read more →]
