Category — Soulcare
Standing in Your Own Power: Your Body Knows
This post is part of an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
As a part of my quest for migraine relief, I learned a technique chiropractors and other doctors use called applied kinesiology or muscle testing. This technique taps into your body’s intuitive knowledge to diagnose various problems. Muscle testing helped me determine which foods would trigger my migraines on any given day. A truly skilled practitioner can even determine how much of a given food will trigger a migraine, or how many tablets of a given supplement you might need to take. But even rudimentary skills at this technique can proved helpful in any number of settings.
Muscle testing is great for getting around chatty Gremlins and circumnavigating self-sabotaging thoughts. It helps you stand in your own power by tapping into your body’s deep wisdom and intuition. Here’s how to do it in a few easy steps. (You’ll need a friend to help you.)
1) Write the different things you are considering on small pieces of paper. Create a range of options. For instance, if you are try to decide to help a friend out of financial straits, your options could be:
- “Should I loan them X amount of dollars.”
- “Should I loan them x (smaller amount) of dollars?”
- “Should I give them x amount of dollars?”
2) First, while standing, shake your hands to discharge any tensions or energy you are holding around the decision making process. Ask your friend, the Tester, to do the same.
3) Extend your non-dominate hand out to one side, parallel to the ground. Have your Tester press down on your forearm to gauge how much strength you generally have in that arm. (The Tester can put one hand on your opposite shoulder for counter balance, but this may not be necessary.)
4) Now hold the first decision option in your other hand. Extend your non-dominate arm again and have your Tester press down on it with the same amount of force. If your arm remains strong, your body is intuitively telling you that is a decision your mind/body are in agreement with. If it weakens or goes down, it’s the wrong answer.
5) Between each test, move away from the slips of paper and shake off your hands. (Have the tester do the same.) When you hold each price in your hand, think about the decision, and imagine completing that option. You can also do this “blind” by folding the pieces of paper in half. It’s interesting to see if you get the same results.
Have fun and let me know how this technique works for you!
Need a community around you to support you on your quest to Stand in Your Own Power? Flock can help. Join our trailblazing group of women as we dedicate ourselves to “finding a spirituality
Train with Magpie Girl is an on-going series designed to help you learn the ropes of creative, empowered living. From emotional support to practical Tools of the Trade — get the insider info you need. Click here to see all my training tips. Email me your sticking points! I’m happy to help. Thank you for being here.
if you are alone today.
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if you are alone today
and the rain falls cold
your head, uncovered.
If your work falters
if the audience fades, if
the solutions seem right
there,
just beyond your fingers.
If you cannot find the one
ephemeral
slippery
answer you need.
If your vision
oustrips your resources.
I am with you.
I am with you in
the ache.
In the longing that is
a dream deferred.
In the trying and the failure and
in the next attempt
I am with you.
In the résistance,
in the campaign, in
the artful vendetta,
I am with you
In the setting of the sails
in the spilling of new ink, there
at the very edge of the map,
I am with you.
Steady now.
The Cape is just around the corner.
Be brave upon the rocks.
Standing in Your Own Power: Strengthen Your Power Center
This post is part of an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
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Today in our Standing in Your Own Power series, I’d like to share a visualization technique taught to me by Leonie Allen, host of Goddess Guidebook and creator of the Chakra Healing Guided Meditation Kit. (And now proud new mama of baby Ostara!)
Last year, I called Leonie because I was feeling insecure – tossed about by a fistful of opinions and ideas, none of which I was sure were mine. Leonie walked me through a chakra cleansing process (something I know very little about.) She said my Manipura Chakra, in the solar plexus, was dim. The Manipura Chakra is the source of personal power and will power. So Leonie asked me to focus on that chakra in this way:
1) Visualize a yellow or golden symbol of power. (A scepter immediately sprang to mind for me.)
2) From a comfortable seated position, place your hands over your solar plexus (navel).
3) Take ten deep breaths focusing on your solar plexus and visualizing your power symbol there.
I did this every morning for about a month to encourage a feeling of being rooted in a place of personal power. (It really helped!)
Do you have any meditative techniques that help you stand in your own power? Mantras that ground you? Images that help you stay strong? Do tell in the comments below and contribute the giant pool of wisdom, now forming at Magpie Girl.
Standing in Your Own Power: Why so Serious? Practice Whimsy.
Have you seen Fond of Snape’s 365 days series? That woman really gets whimsy!
This post is part of an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
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My favorite form of exercise is swimming, which I do several times a week. Conventional wisdom says I should follow a training program. You know the drill — so many laps of this kind of stroke, so many of that. Instead, I tend to just lollygag along with a nice even-paced breaststroke. Why? So I can concentrate. On what you say? On fan fiction.
As an NF (as in Meyers Briggs ENFJ) I get super-involved with stories. There is an almost constant narrative going on in my head. I wonder what the deal is with that older woman with 4 babies in one stroller? What would have happened if I had done drama in college? Where did the bus driver immigrate from? This is especially true for me with TV characters. I finished Big Love season 3 weeks ago, and I’m still wondering “How is Margene’s small business going?” When I watch a story I get very, VERY involved.
But I’m also a high ranking “J” in Meyers Briggs, which means I am quite serious most of the time. I wonder a lot about the merits of my decisions. I worry almost obsessively over the question, “What’s next?” All that worry and wondering can be powerful. It lets me live with intention and encourages me to cast my Mondo Beyondo dreams out into the Universe. But it can also become a burden, weighing me down and making me curmudgeonly.
I used to use my pool time to make plans for the day, writing and re-writing long tuex duex lists in my head and hoping I’d remember them until I could get my hands on a pen. Then one day I found my mind wandering to some TV show or another, creating a new plot line for a favorite character.
“Nonsense,” said my Gremlins. “What a waste of time.” (Gremlins are very good at listening to Conventional Wisdom.)
“Voila!” said The Muse. “Embrace whimsy.”
And so now as I swim, I write stories in my head. Right now I’m enjoying a sub-plot for the character of Walter Bishop on The Fringe. He delights me. In my whimsical version he is the benevolent ringmaster of a traveling circus. I think it may all be in his mind — a sort of coping mechanism during his stay in the mental institution. It’s ever so entertaining and makes 45 minutes of lap time just fly by!
Now, if you are still with me you may be wondering, “What has this got to do with standing in your own power?” In response I ask you to remember that whimsy is the antidote to blind obedience. Practicing Whimsy helps you thumb your nose at what “they” say. It tunes into your internal voice of play and wonder, and turns down the overly-ambitious workaholic voice that our consumerist, Protestant-work-ethic culture has hammered into our heads. It frees you.
Go ahead, give it at try. What whimsical impulse lies at the tip of your tongue? Here are some fun ones I can think of:
-Buy a basket of strawberries (yes, even out of season.)
-Use Crayolas.
-Ask a stranger to let you pet their puppy.
-That thing you loved doing as a kid — rollerskating, making models, lining up the dominoes. Do it again.
-Spin in circles until you collapse on the grass. Watch the clouds spin.
-Wear ponytails, braids, striped socks.
What will you do today to re-introduce yourself to whimsy? Tell us in the comments below and be an inspiration to our oh-so-serious selves. To read more about Whimsy, click here and here.
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Need a community around you to support you on your quest to Stand in Your Own Power? Flock can help. Join our trailblazing group of women as we dedicate ourselves to “finding a spirituality that fits.” Click here to learn more.
Standing in Your Own Power: Correspond with The Muse
My current method of corresponding with The Muse — letters to Vincent.
This is an on-going series inspired by reader’s comments to this initial post. To read all the posts on Standing in Your Own Power, click here.
To me, the Muse is that internal voice that guides and inspires me. She is not an external guest who comes to visit, but an internal source of wisdom dwelling within. Because the language of the Trinity is meaningful to me and because the world of creativity and art are so intrinsic to whom I am – I have come to think of The Muse and The Spirit synonymously. She turns my head, shows me where to go, and as we travel she holds my hand (or gives me a shove!)
Standing in your own power requires that you stop listening to external sources of authority, and learn to tune into your internal voice of authority – your instinct, your intuition, your Muse. Corresponding with The Muse turns down the volume on the external static, and turns up the dial on your intuitive voice.
Embracing Whimsy is one of the main ways I have come to correspond with The Muse. To me the language of whimsy is The Muse’s native tongue—my native tongue, long forgotten. I have been well-trained by the Institutions (external authority). Their voice is familiar to me. It is the language I have spoke then longest. Their instructions about “how it is done” ring loud in my ears. I tend to blindly obey the institutional voice.
Whimsy is the antidote to blind obedience. Whimsy is my native tongue, though I barely remember a time when I spoke it so easily. Now, whenever I have the impulse to do something “they” would think is ridiculous, I recognize it as Whimsy, the voice of the Muse, and I try to leap. This helps me stretch my “listening-to-my-intuition” muscles, and lets me practices saying “yes” to intuition. Here are some things that I’ve done which seem Whimsical to me (and therefore inspired by The Muse):
-I moved to Denmark just to do something different.
-I have regularly have breakfast with Vincent Van Gogh (his books and art) and write him letters.
-I joined a Danish gospel choir, though I can’t understand a thing the director is saying.
-I bought a vintage scrapbook of Danish theatre performances with hand drawn illustrations.
None of these things makes much sense. Certainly “they” would not suggest such a course of action. Yet each of them has shaped my life in a significant way. Each of them is transforming me, helping me become. The Muse and her voice of Whimsy led me here. Without her I would not have found my way.
What does the Muse sound like in your heart, in your ear? How might you correspond with her? Literally– though writing her letters (and penning her answers back)? Verbally–through talking aloud in an empty room, through singing in the shower? Physically — through the sign language of yoga, or running, or swimming? Where can you hear the voice of your inspiration? How can you camp out there and practice your native tongue?
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Need a community around you to support you on your quest to Stand in Your Own Power? Flock can help. Join our trailblazing group of women as we dedicate ourselves to “finding a spirituality that fits.” Click here to learn more.
Flock Sampler: Ask an Expert, Dream Counselor
What kind of questions do the Flock experts answer? When you have a Life Coach, a Sexologist, a Mental Health Counselor, a Dream Counselor, and a Money Healer on staff, the answer is almost anything. Here’s an example…
Originally posted in the Flock, February 3 2010.
Hello, Flock! Welcome to our first dream session with Karen Mori Bonner, MS, LPC. This month, a Flock Dreamer sends this dream:
It’s a recurring dream I’ve had for as long as I can remember and it always involves being in a big, dark, warm and comforting house full of rich wood and soft lamplight, lots of windy corridors and nooks and crannies for curling up and reading. I know it’s my house and I always marvel as how I can afford such a gorgeous, large home. But…at some point there’s a party happening downstairs and I go along and try to join in. It’s a work-related party with people I hate and I can’t figure out whether I’ve invited them or they’ve just turned up. I think from the conversation (which I can never remember) that they’re all much more intelligent than I am. I get really annoyed that they’re in my house and I can’t work out why. At some point then the house disappears and we’re in some kind of open-air venue that feels alien to me. Then I wake up!
Karen Replies:
Thank you, Dreamer! First, a reminder: I can’t (won’t) interpret the dream; I will make suggestions and comment on themes and larger symbolism found in the dream. It’s the responsibility of our Dear Dreamer to try these on and discard anything that doesn’t fit and produce that “a-HA!” moment.
Recurring dreams – Dreams come as pictures or little plays from our unconscious to tell us something about ourselves we do not already know. Think of a recurring dream as a blinking neon sign – you haven’t got the message yet.
Big dark warm comforting house – Often (not always) houses represent the psyche itself – where we live in our heads. This is especially true about “dream” houses that we don’t know from waking life like this one. A common theme is to discover a downstairs or an upstairs or more rooms than we thought – our psyche is bigger than we think and we’re only conscious of a limited area.
Party/downstairs – There is always a party going on in the unconscious! References to downstairs, underground, under water can be about deeper, not yet conscious places in our psyche. The party may refer to the dynamic elements in our psyche – our complexes. Don’t get excited about complexes. They are not necessarily positive or negative – they are just constellations of psychological energies that make up who we are based on our experiences and the emotions that accompanied them. (Say that three times fast!)
Work-related – the dream may be a comment on your work life, Dreamer – but not necessarily. However, that’s what I’d consider first if it were my dream.
People I hate – Ahhhh…. Here it is. Remember! Every thing and every one in our dreams are parts of us. Oh, NO! These “people I hate” are our Shadow. Parts of ourselves we’ve disowned, disavowed, devalued. Yet Psyche is always moving to reunite us with our split off selves so we can become conscious of them. Why? So we don’t project that shadowy stuff onto other people! The work for this Dreamer is to examine carefully the “people I hate” and come to see what part of that is her. We are selectively blind about ourselves but greater consciousness is called for in the world and it starts with us. Yikes! No wonder Dreamer (dream ego) is annoyed! Such an examination and call to consciousness may call for – brace yourselves! Change!
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Flock: Soulcare with Magpie Girl is an online soulspa full of support, guidance, inspiration and community. This private membership site creates a safe haven dedicated to “finding a spirituality that fits.” Please stop by to learn more about our current offerings, meet our professional soulcare providers, or to join us in the Flock.
1Q Interview: Ronna Detrick and Telling Our Truth
“I consistently hear about the ramifications, risks, and costs associated with telling the truth, living out loud, revealing our hearts…It’s true: telling our truth is a dangerous thing. It’s also a wild, extravagant, life-changing thing.” –Ronna Detrick
Ah, telling the truth. Sometimes it can feel risky, costly, even terrifying.
One area where I have had to do a lot of risky-feeling truth-telling is in the area of religion. I grew up in the church, spent tens of thousands of dollars on a seminary education, and worked in religious institutions until my mid-30’s. When my religious practices and beliefs began to shift, I was terrified to tell the truth. What would happen to my job? My calling? My community? But eventually “… the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anaïs Nin) I started speaking the truth. And you know what? I lost all of those things… and rebuilt new more nurturing versions. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it life-affirming and worth it. Absolutely.
Today in our 1Q Interview, I am thrilled to introduce you to spiritual director and long-time colleague, Ronna Detrick. Ronna is the host to all sorts of soulful discussions at her site RENEGADE Conversations. On April 13th she’s hosting a free teleseminar “Telling the Truth in Extravagant Ways.” Today Ronna’s speaking to us about the bravery of truth telling, and how it can change your life for the better.
Q: In our work you and I often hear the hum of fear behind women’s voices when they talk about wanting to tell the truth – the truth about their beliefs, their dreams, and their desires. What is the first thing you say to a client when you hear that fearful hum in her voice? How do you begin to address it together?
A: Such a good question! First, let me say that I can very quickly hear that fearful hum because I have known it so profoundly in my own voice, my own life. When I hear it, the first thing I do is begin asking “what if” questions. “What if you said whatever you wanted?” “What if you felt (and expressed) whatever you wanted?” “What if you did whatever you wanted?” As soon as we step into those realms, the list of risks and ramifications is legion. Our usual response is to quickly pack everything back up, shove it down inside, and soldier on. (I did that for years and can still feel my tendency to do such, at times.) But what I want to create is a level of safety that allows the unraveling, revealing, and storytelling to continue; to create space in which those lists can be tenderly exposed, and then kindly, slowly, gently wondered about, explored, and talked through…truthfully. It’s not a quick and simple process. But even the smallest movement of our internal voices into external realms – truth-telling – is beautiful, powerful, and profound.
Is there some truth within you that you’ve been longing to speak aloud? We’re happy to listen. You can whisper it (or SHOUT it) in the comments. We promise to give you virtual congratulatory pats on the back and to say helpful and supportive things!
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You can find Ronna Detrick’s blog and services at RENEGADE Conversations. And don’t forget to sign up for her free April 13th teleseminar, “Telling the Truth in Extravagant Ways” by clicking here.
Our 1Q interviews turn into 3Q Interviews at our one line soulspa, Flock: soulcare with Magpie Girl. Join us as Ronna gives us tips on staying brave enough to tell the truth, and talks about how the stories of other brave women can inspire our truth-telling. Click here to learn how to become a member of the Flock.
Standing in Your Own Power: Defy Institutions
Last week on *8Things I started a riff about ways to Stand in Your Own Power. As I said then, I’m not even sure what this turn of phrase means, and I know it is key.
I know it means not letting your internal authority be overruled by external sources of authority (religious institutions, schools, “experts”). I know it has to do with tapping into your intuition. I know it is the most essential thing I can teach my children.
Allyson wrote to me asking that I expand on these thoughts. She has been on my mind a lot these days, and I figure that is a prompt from The Muse. So I am going to listen. For the next 8 weeks I will do my level best to write a post on each of the *8Things I Know about Standing in Your Own Power. These may be embryonic thoughts, but embryos have been known to go on to do great things. This week: Defy Institutions.
From the time our parents enroll us in preschool the Institutions start to shape us. Sit in your chair. Face front. Raise your hand. Don’t dot your “i”s with smiley faces.
This is not entirely a bad thing. At their best, Institutions teach us how to work in groups and to play nice with others. They introduce us to new ideas and provide us a place to practice.
The problem with Institutions — particularly church and school — is that a big part of their gig is to be Authority Figures. They get to be in charge because they purport to be the keepers of knowledge and instructions. They Know What to Do. They are the experts at How it is Done. Furthermore, the Institutions have a vested interest in keeping the status quo. Because if the things they have authority over change — the way you learn, the way you worship, the way you connect to God — well, then they are out of a gig aren’t they? (Unless they can adapt. Unfortunately institutions are notorious bad at adapting at any kind of reasonable pace. They are clunky, those institutions. Even as culture begins to shift, Institutions remain the same in mis-guided effort to hold on to power.)
Now what if YOU are an emerging, growing being? What if every day you are growing into your own skin, experiencing moments of revelation — what if you are becoming? What if you are doing all these things and you are embedded in the Institutions, which are standing still, ruminating on the past, and reminding you ad nauseam that they are the Authority? [Read more →]
SoulRetreats: Gather your Tribe this Summer
I’m excited to announce the arrival of my second eBook. Let’s do a little dance!
(To read the nararation about SoulRetreats instead, click here.)
Do you want to form a Soultribe of your very own? Are you longing to hole up with some like minded friends for nurture and comfort, but you aren’t sure where to start? SoulRetreats: how to host a tribe with art soul is just what you’ve been looking for — a practical-but-beautiful book to walk you through the steps of organizing your very own SoulRetreat. We’ll help you do it without financial burdens or hosting burn-out. And we’ll do it for just $20 — a small price to pay to be on your way to a tribe to call home.
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
Here’s what’s inside:
SoulRetreats is a soulful, instructive eBook written by Rachelle Mee-Chapman, with special guests Jennifer McGuiggan, Jolie Guillebeau and Rebecca Dallin. Within its 59 pages you’ll find poetic essays nestled alongside practical “YBH” (yes, but how?) instructions. In addition there are webpages where you can share your experiences with other readers; and links to the free online tools you’ll need to make your Soulretreat practical and easy. Because art and beauty are of high value at Magpie Girl, SoulRetreats has an attractive layout with photos and design elements by Neil Sittler of Stickflower Designs.
When you buy SoulRetreats, you’ll also received a link to our free book, SoulFood: how to cook for tribe. SoulFood includes delicious vegetarian and gluten-free recipes by Jolie Guillebeau, and ecumenical table blessings gathered by Jessica Schafer. It makes cooking with your soultribe easy and satistfying.
You have everything you need! Let’s get started.
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
Contents of SoulRetreats
- How Something Good Finally Got Born
- Preparing for Your Soultribe
- Unpacking: Letting Go of Past Tribes
- Invitations and Introductions
- How to Quash a Gremlin Uprising
- Not the Mom: Creating Co-Ownership in a Tribe
- Sample SoulRetreat Schedule
- Tabletop Spirituality
- Ten Tips for SoulRetreat SoulFood
- How Not to Lose Money
- Follow-Up: *8Things to Keep Your Soultribe Connected
Order SoulRetreats: How to host a tribe with art and soul. ($20)
The Magpie Girl Guides Promise
If you don’t find this book lovely and helpful, I will happily refund your money. Just email me within 30 days of purchase. No worries.
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Best of Magpie Girl: A Shrine for Hard Feelings
Things are a bit sparse over here while Magpie Girl is getting a face lift. I hope you don’t mind a little walk down memory lane, beginning with this piece from May 2008. Thanks for being here!
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Cate was yelling at me. Again.
Every day it’s the same story. I pick Cate up from school and she happily shows me the new trick she can do on the peddle car; the stone she dug up in the sand pit; how many times she can hop the jump rope on one foot. We find Eden and start the ten minute walk home. By minute seven Cate is screaming about something. Anything.
We started with sympathy, then moved on to time outs, and I’m sure at some point there’s been some yelling on my part as well. Clearly Cate was struggling with the transition between school and home. Clearly she was angry. And clearly whatever she was yelling about was not what was really bothering her.
Finally, I sat her down at the kitchen table and got down at eye level. I addressed her very calmly and very seriously, “Cate. This isn’t working. You’re having trouble moving between being at school and being at home. I can see that you are angry, right?”
“Yes! I. AM. ANGRY!” (also crying)
“It’s totally okay to be angry. But screaming at Mommy is not okay, right?”
“RIGHT! OKAY? OKAY? RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!”
“Did you know anger is a cover-up emotion? It covers up some other emotion. Something else is hiding under there.”
“It is?” (now backing down to mere sniffles)
“Yes. And I need you to think about it and tell me what it is that’s hiding under there.”
With that, the floodgates broke open. She missed all the friends she left behind when we moved. She didn’t have any friends at school. And she missed BF Day (her old school.) And some of the kids said mean things. And she doesn’t know Danish yet. And her only friends who speak English live far, far away. And did she mention, she didn’t have any friends at school?
Well, I’d already addressed all of those things. We talked about how making friends was her superpower, but that it took time. I had reminded her that we had only been at the new school for 2 weeks. I had explained that it would take a little longer than usual because we don’t know Danish yet. But, I had assured her, friends would come.
Knowing I’d already said all of this, and having a not unsmall amount of parental wisdom, I did not go into this again. Instead I asked her a question of clarification, “Cate. Do you want Mommy to talk about all these problems with you, or do you just need someplace to put them all.”
“Like what place?”
“Like a shrine.”
“I could make a shrine?”
Sure could. I dove under my desk and came up with three or four odd little boxes and tins. Cate chose a tin that used to hold bandages – Jesus bandagesto be exact. After asking for stickers, tape and some scratch paper, Cate went to work. Soon she had a bonafide Shrine for Hard Feelings. It consisted of the bandage tin, a sticker of a sacred heart Jesus, some fortune cookie sized strips of paper cello-taped to the side, and one of those tiny golf pencils. Cate wrote her hard feelings down on the pieces of paper and tucked them into the tin.
“If I put these in here, Jesus will make the sad feelings go away.” she said.
“Well,” I fine tuned, “Jesus might not make them go all the way away, but at least he can hold them for a little while.”
Cate has been faithfully using the Shrine for Hard Feelings for a week now. Sometimes she’ll start ramping up into a yell-fest, but then you can see her sort of visibly pull up, and she’ll say “Wait a minute,” and go find her shrine. I’ll see her scribbling away, then tucking the paper into the tin and snapping it shut. A few minutes later she’ll be back with me, or her sister, or her dad, and the steam will have been vented.
Sometimes I wonder what all my ad hoc spirituality is teaching my children. I’m trying my best — but so did my parents, and my church, and my religious school — and I sure ended up with a bunch of crap mixed in there with the goodies. If I make up random sacraments, if my children spend their lives building Shrines for Hard Feelings and hurling plates at Anger Altars, will they regret it? I am not sure. But this I believe; my attempts, though small and flawed and most assuredly open for misinterpretation, these humble attempts at caring for these precious souls will teach them these true things
Your feelings are real.
Someone loves you enough to help in hard times.
God is big enough to handle your anger.
There is a place for you.
That seems like a good place to start.
