Cate is turning eight on Sunday and it shows.

Every year around her birthday, Cate pretty much freaks out. When she was 3 she was nicknamed ‘the ragemiester,’ and whenever she goes through stages of transition she reverts emotionally to the screaming stage.

Last week Cate was driving me crazy – screaming at her sister, giving up games and projects at the slightest road block, dragging her heals around her chores. Finally she came into the kitchen and saying: “Moa? Moa? Moaaaaaaah?”

My first impulse was to snap at her, but a little bell rang inside me and I got down at eye level instead. “What do you need Cate?” She looked at me with a surprised look, and then stared around kind of blankly. Finally she said, “I can’t remember…I…um…I think I just need some extra attention.”

I was pretty proud of her just then—sussing out her emotional needs like that. So we sat down on the floor and she cuddled up next to me and we talked about this and that for awhile. Eventually she said, “Moa. I don’t want to have a party for my birthday.” I was surprised to hear that, seeing as she had been making invitation lists for weeks.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because it will be so noisy. And there will be too much kids. And there has to be games and everyone has to get a prize and people are sad if they don’t get the prize they want and I get mad because I don’t even think they should get prizes and attention because it’s my birthday! (pause) And also, it’s a lot of Danish.”

Once again, pretty impressed. Instead of a party Catie decided to take her friend Elsa to a local amusement park for the day. She knew it meant less presents, but it didn’t seem to bother her, and there was ice cream in the deal, with sprinkles — or possibly a cotton candy as big as her head–so really, what more could you want?

Before I became a mother, I assumed kid-birthdays were fun. I remember mine as being really fun. Then again, I have a distinct memory of sobbing my head off at my sixth birthday because my grandfather cut the ear off the panda bear cake. (I’m not sure what I thought would happen to the cake, but I sure didn’t want that panda to get cut up.) I’d never really considered how frightening it can be to mover deeper into being a ‘big kid’ each year, or how overwhelming some kids might find the sugar-fueled celebrations. Ans as much as Moa isn’t ready for her little one to get so big so fast, maybe the little one isn’t all that ready either.

So here are some tips and tactics we’ve tried to help ease the transition into the next level of bigness. I hope some of them will help if your child has a hard time around birthdays.

-As the big day approaches (and for some time afterwards, perhaps) carve out some extra time to spend with your child one-one-one.

-Look through a photo album together and talk about fun things that happened in each age/stage of your child’s development. Assure them that there are good things around the corner.

-Be extra faithful to any comfort rituals you have already established with your child – bed time routines, read-a-loud habits, special suppers .(Friday is pizza night around here.) These familiar rites may be especially important during this time of transition. Try not to let the busyness of birthday plans push out the everyday anchor points.

-Limit family activities in the weeks surrounding the birthday. Don’t over tax the child with ‘fun’ events.

-Try to find out what kind of celebration would feel best to your child. (A big party with pals? A fun outing with one friend? A special date with mom, dad, or family?)

-Talk about presents in advance and try to set reasonable expectations. – Will there be any presents? ((A lot of the familys we are friends with only do a gift from mom and dad, not from friends, on birthdays.) Does the child expect one present or many? Do they want ‘outing’ presents (movie tickets, trips to the aquarium) or ‘things’ presents?

-If family members tend to send ‘birthday money,’ talk about how that can be used if there is a special present the child wants, but doesn’t received. Doing some advance work on this may help cushion any disappointment on the big day.

-If you do have a party remember this rule of thumb: “the age of the child plus one” is a good guideline for how many kids to invite. More than that is tough for a kid to handle.

-Remember that often, the most memorable things about childhood birthdays are the simplest traditions – the fact that the birthday kids got to pick out the evening meal, or that the family always sang their favorite song to them at dinner time.

What are your tips for helping your child through growing-up transitions and birthday excitement overkill?

Cross-posted with other Magpie Mama parenting advice at Minti.com.

Time for Mondo Beyondo…Back to dreaming. Back to fertile ground. Back to reaching for hope.

UPDATE: Congratualtions to Tess Marshall of Anchors and Masts! She won the Mondo Beyondo drawing and will be recieving Begininngs, Tweet, and Reka Twige Kwifasha No Gufasha Abandi (Let’s Learn to How to Help Ourselves and Others) in the mail soon! Thanks to everyone here and on Twitter who played along!

Andrea told Jen, and Jen told me how to write Mondo Beyond Lists. These are the biggest of our big dreams — the real whoppers you can hardly admitt to. Making the list is a little like a prayer, sort of a request to the universe, and if you are very brave, the beginnings of an affirmation.

Since I’ve started the habit I’ve seen some things come to fruition (living abroad, getting out of the body image trap, making a life habit of yoga) and some of those hot desires have cooled down and gone away. (surfing, adopting, living in Italy)

There are new dreams in my being these days and I feel afraid for them, because they seem so fragile. So I decided to write them down today and make them a little more real — things always seem more concrete to me if they are on a page in word or in image. Usually I would want to make a list like this pretty — with watercolors and mixed media. But today all I had was a sharpie and some cardstock. And you know what? It was enough. So here is my Mondo Beyond List for now:

-Sing my lungs out in front of a big crowd, preferably with these folks.

-Transfer (in good time) to the UK, somewhere midsized like this.

-Get a paid, monthly column in a national magazine where I can feature pieces about seasonal rites and rituals.

-Publish three books: Tales from an Urban Abbess, Soulcrafting for Kids, and A Very Mild Narcissist (an image-based journal.)

-Have at least one good Muslim friend with whom I could really share my soul (and vice versa).

-Watch a sabbath community form organically where we could co-exsist with a few soulmates.

-Find a healthy way to practice the priesthood again.

-Travel to Africa with Jen, Mada, Odette, Grace, Lillian, Eden, and Cate to watch the women there step further into thier own power.

-Keep our ties strong with Souren; see him a couple of times a year long enough to reconnect.

-Be truly migraine-free. (Wow, it took all my breathe to whisper that one.)

-Stop fighting with time and be at peace with what I get done in any given day, month, year, season….

-Be on a first-name, call-any-time friendship basis with at least one artist I admire because they are learning to master his or her craft. Right now the short list would include Sabrina, John, Tim,Ira, or any voice from this show.

What is your Mondo Beyondo dreams? Make them real in the comments, give us your top choice on Twitter, or link to your blog below. One lucky Mondo Maker will get a copy of Jen’s new zine, one of the orginals, and just for fun, one of my zines from last year, Tweet. Contest will close on Monday morning. Go on now, dream big!

Oh, it’s Friday again, thank-the-good-lord. Now, what to make for dinner? Here’s my advice:

Put a pot of water on to boil, toss in some nice sea salt, and cook up some penne pasta. Now while you’re waiting for that to be en dente grab a handful of cherry toms and give ‘em a little rinse. Now cut them into thirds or so and put them on that tiny cooking sheet that came with your toaster oven. Add a handful or two of pine nuts, drizzle on some olive oil, more sea salt (of course) and slip it into said toaster oven. Now, don’t walk away from it or I guarantee you’ll burn the pine nuts. When things look nice and toasty in there, take them out and set them aside until your pasta is done.

Got the pasta drained? Great. Scrape every last little bit of that yummy pesto out of the jar and toss it in with the noodles. Add all the toms and pine nuts and toss the whole thing together. Now grate some Romano on top. Ummmmm…..you remembered the crusty bread and the red wine, right? Good then. Time to eat!

Advice Girl’s Friday Shopping List:

cherry toms
penne pasta
pesto sauce
pine nuts
romano cheese
vino
crusty bread

Welcome to my new category, Advice Girl. It will pop up here and there until I get a regular posting schedule (if I ever do!). After you see a few of these pop up, you can also check the tag cloud over in archives and see if there are others floating around. Enjoy!

Lazy Gourmet: Friday Asparagus and Eggs & Saturday Crepes

So here’s what you might could maybe do tonight. Stop by the grocery store on the way home and buy some asparagus. It’s in season right now—although according to Barbara Kingsolver the French don’t celebrate it’s arrival until Father’s Day, when all the bistros make wonderful dishes out of the lovely green spears. Regardless, if the French make a holiday out of it, don’t you think you should eat it? Yes, me too, loves.

Okay, so get the asparagus, and maybe a little carton of chevre (goat cheese), and carton of eggs (two if you’re cooking for more than one), and if they have ‘em, a mostly ripe avocado. Get twice as much asaparagus as you think you need, kay?

Now go home, snap off the ends of the asparagus, roll them in olive oil and salt. If you are really ambitious you can peel the bottom inch or two to make them less stringy, but I never sweat it. Now throw them on a baking sheet and roast them in the oven at about 450⁰. Check ‘em in ten minutes and then every so often after that because they can get away from you pretty fast.

Now scramble some eggs and voila! Dinner! I promise you will feel very French – especially if you sip some nice white wine. (Or cheap white wine – honestly, darling, it really doesn’t matter to moi, being the good, cocktail drinking maman that I am!)

Right about now, you’re asking, “What’s with the other stuff, and all the leftover asparagus?” Well, here’s the genius bit. See, tomorrow is Saturday, so you can make crepes! Then you can stuff said crepes full of leftover asparagus, chevre, and avacado. I know. It’s brilliant, and don’t you feel oh-so-smug about your healthy, healthy breakfast? (Or possibly brunch? Lunch? Oh, you must not have children if you’re not cooking anything until lunch. We will try not to hate you, really we will.)

After you eat that nice veggie-full crepe, you can sprinkle one with powdered sugar and stuff it with that slightly too soft banana you have over there in your fruit bowl. Yummmm…‘dessert’ without regrets.

Go on; get delicious on your weekend!

If this inspired you about asparagus: you can get fancy about it with some of these great recipes from BlogHer food editor Kayln Denny.

Read more about the wonders of asparagus and other locally-grown goodness: try Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life

You know what would be really helpful? If every woman had a “cycle buddy” who would email them at certain points in their hormonal madness. For instance, if you were ovulating, your cycle buddy would email you and say:

Morning love! You are ovulating right now and all the evolutionary nerves in your body are on high alert. If you are feeling at all inclined to call up that man you know is positively toxic, but is sounding like such a good idea right now, for heaven’s sake DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. Also, if at this moment, you are suddenly aching for baby number three, you should BY NO MEANS forego your birth control tonight or anytime in the next week. Have a nice day!

-Your Cycle Buddy

Conversely, you would get something like this just before your period…

Hello dear. I promise you everything is going to feel much better in just a few days. You probably aren’t doing a terrible job at work. I’m sure your friends all love you. And no, I don’t think you look fat in those jeans. Repeat after me: “This too shall pass.“Now kindly get under the covers with a hot water bottle and eat some chocolate. There, there now, isn’t that much better?

-Your Cycle Buddy

What do you think? Could we write a little macro and start our own webpage to send out automated wisdom at just the right time?

While we are in our temporary housing in Copenhagen, we don’t have any of our spices, cookbooks, or kitchen gadgets. Coming up with dinner each night is a bit of a challenge. (I can’t even use my faithful standby, epicurious.com because our internet access is so shoddy!)

Last night, I created this dish, and it turned out so yummy I thought I’d share it. Using the prosciutto eliminates the need for multiple spices.(Ours was leftover from making pizza.) It only took twenty minutes to get the thing simmering and it’s kind about how much of this or that you might have on hand. A satisfying winter meal.

Sloppy Split Pea Soup

4-6 thin slices of prosciutto

olive oil

4 med shallots, diced

2 stalks celery, chopped

4 med carrots, diced

1 thin skinned potato, sliced thin

4 cloves garlic, crushed

4 cups dried yellow split peas, sorted

8 cups stock plus enough water to bring the soup to desired consistency

balsamic vinegar

romano or parmesan cheese

Pour a pass of olive oil into a medium-ish sauce pan over med-high heat. Tear up the prosciutto and lightly sauté so that it wilts slightly and releases some flavor into the olive oil. Add about 50 ml of water (be careful – it will splatter) and stir occasionally to steam out more flavor from the meat. Add shallots, celery, carrots, potato and garlic. Cook for about 5 minutes. Add split peas and water. Bring to a boil, reduce and simmer for 30-40 minutes. (Longer if you like your split peas cooked down more.) About 10 minutes before serving, add several nice sloppy pours of balsamic vinegar or other red wine vinegar to the pot and adjust salt/pepper. Nice with some shaved romano or similar. Yum!

I’ve had two lovely walks so far – one on the treadmill watching a favorite telly show on netflix; the other with Paul and Samson up to the hardware store to pick up a some bracelet making supplies.

For me, the key to getting a daily walk is to do it in the morning. I make sure my water bottle is filled up the night before and either sleep in my walking sweats, or lay them out at the foot of my bed. I also make sure my Zune is charged up and full of audiobooks. Right now I’m listening to this and this.

Aola’s motivation plan involved clearing the blackberry vines off the trail on her property.Vivienne puts on her walking shoes before supper so she doesn’t talk her self out of her evening loop around the neighborhood. What do you do to meet your walking resolve?

a page from the “one day this summer” notebook of 2005…

…and another ode to sticky blackberry fingers in this year’s small-is-beautiful memory book

In August, I’m pretty sure this counts as a breakfast food.

Blackberry Crisp

Mix in a bowl a pour in a 9X13 pan:
As many foraged blackberries as it takes to fill the pan
some flour to toss the blackberries
maybe a little fresh ginger, finely grated or minced

Mix up this and spread it on top of the berries:
1 cup rolled oats
1 cup flour
2-3 Tbrown sugar
1/2 t cinnamon
a dash of nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt
6 T softened butter
1 egg whisked up a bit

Bake at 350 until the berries are bubbling. Serve with vanilla ice cream, a drizzle of heavy cream or even just some nice cold milk.

For those of you who attended the BlogHer session “Its not your size, it’s your passion that matters” I did today with Jen Lemen and Krystyn Heide, here’s some ideas for dealing with the Small Bloggers Blues

1. Take a break from your site meter
2. Redefine success for yourself. List all things your blog does for you (fosters gratitude in your life, helps you hone your craft, organizes your thoughts…)
3. Write yourself an affirmation. I like this one: “My story matters.”
4. Reach out to another small blogger. Take this feeling that you have about being discouraged or not “not mattering” and take it as a cue that you need to reach out to others who are feeling the same
5. Join the SMALL IS BEAUTIFUL google group. (I’ll link to it when it is available.)
6. Follow an comment you like back to the commenter’s blog you’ll probably find an inspirational read from someone who shares your values.
7. Tag your posts with your name (or nom de plume) and your blog name so like minded souls can find you.
8. Remind yourself that you are writing for an audience of one. Make yourself a sticker that says “I heart authenticity.”

I’ve finally figured out how to track bloggers using feeds, so now I actually read blogs! I know, I know, it’s about time for some blogdom karma on my part. Anywhoooo, one of my new favorites is Wannabe Hippie where Elaine recently wrote this great post on pain, motherhood, and equity (or the lack thereof.) As these are all commonly musings of my very own, I felt less lonely reading her poignant post. My favorite line was about how when you are in chronic pain, you sometimes must climb under the covers and “hide from your own body.” It’s disconcerting, but in pain, it is sometimes true.

The other thing I loved about this post is that Elaine suggest to her mother, that she was thinking about hiring some help the next time her husband had to travel and her mother totally affirmed her! Once, when my children were both in preschool and I suggested this same idea to my mother she said, “I don’t know why you girls can’t handle this on your own. I had three children and I did it without help from your father.” Holy revisionist history batman!

This of course immediately neccesitated a call to my sister — at the time the mother of three — where we both spent a lot of time commiserating, shaking our heads, and drinking that ubiquiteous mother’s comfort, diet coke. We decided to make a virtual tape we could play in our own heads. It went like this:

“If I choose to suffer, it will not negate Mom’s past suffering.”

This makes us much less martyrish and a great deal more balanced when it comes to getting help.

In her defense, when my sister had baby number four, my mom got right on board with the hiring help thing…