Relig-ish: A Withmate for the Journey

In the circles where I live and work and have my being, I hear the same three longings on endless, aching repeat.

• A desire to have a spiritual practice that is genuine and authentic to the person practicing it.
• A desire to include feminine ways of knowing and creative impulses into that practice.
• A desire to not feel alone in that practice — to have a soulful tribe.

I believe that being withmates to one another can move us into places where we complete all of these desires.

What is a withmate?

“Withmate” is the gender-inclusive term I’ve come to use to describe what Margaret Guenther calls a “midwife to the soul.” In Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, Guenther reminds us that, “The literal meaning of the word [midwife] is ‘with-woman,’ that is, the person who is with the one who is giving birth.” When you expand the metaphor of “birthing” to include giving birth to a new kind of spirituality, the idea of being withmates to one another resonates with possibilities.

What does a Withmate Do?

A withmate…

• Is present to another in a time of vulnerability, working in areas that are deep and intimate, in a relationship of trust and mutual respect.
• Does things with, not to the person giving birth.
• Invites questions and takes time to engage with them.
• Sees the event she is assisting at as a natural, normative event–not as a ‘crisis of faith’ or a sickness.
• Notices times of transition and realizes that – even though painful – they are a sign of breakthrough and progress.
• Encourages another when they feel out of control or that they have failed. Redefines progress, success, and failure in more functional terms.
• Tells you when to push and when to hold back, when to breathe deeply and when to do something shallow.
• Rejoices in the arrival of that which was working to get itself born.

What about you?

• What might get born in your life with more ease and support if you had a withmate?
• Who has been a withmate to you in the past? What did they do that was helpful?
• Go on an imaginary journey where you are following a leader. Now go on a journey where you are traveling beside a withmate. What’s different?
• Who has been a good traveling companion for you? What did s/he do that made them a good withmate?
• Looking for a withmate? Who can you be a withmate to? (Pay it forward and watch the Universe meet your needs as well.)

This article is cross-posted from Roots of She, where I am part of the writing tribe along with a group of fabulous, soulful women. Come on by!

Tagged as: Relig-ish, roots of she, Withmates

Spiritual but not religious? Recovering Evangelical? Jill of all faiths? You might be relig-ish. Browse the posts to learn more, or click here to watch a video about our relig-ish community.

Tweet