Magpie Confessional: Small Business Neurosis
As you know one of my little trademarks is that I try to be transparent on this blog. Mostly this is because I do not have enough energy to do otherwise. (Masking is soooo draining.)
Also, I am a terrible actress.
So today I want to give you little peek into the neurosis that is me, trying to build a model for my work that is sustainable. (ie. some stuff for free, some stuff for fee)
As you know, I’ve recently launched an online soul spa, Flock: Soulcare with Magpie Girl. You may also have heard that I’m in the process of writing a book and creating content for several ECourses. Oh, and P.S., revamping my website. Right now most of these are in various stages of production, and all of them are stuck until my lovely designer can finish the artwork. (Apparently this does not happen by magic, nor overnight. Damn.)
Oh, and p.s. more money is going out than is coming in.
I have been blogging for 7 years, false-starting books for the last 3, and trying to figure out how to offer soulcare to a happy band of misfits for as long as I can remember. Now, when I’m ready to send things out in the world I feel stymied and stuck.
I can’t tell if I’m “going slow to go fast,” or just fucking things up.
My Gremlins are telling me that I’m charging to much, and that people don’t like me, and that my lack of art and computer skills are going to bog me down forever. Basically all the normal things the Gremlins say. I’ve fed them taffy and made them martinis– I’ve even taken them out for a walk, and nothing is calming them down.
So here is what I am going to do:
1) I will tell you True Things about this process.
2) You will SEE them.
3) This will help the Real feel more Real.
So if you could, if you wouldn’t mind…after reading this could you please put a note, or at least “I SEE YOU” in the comments? That would really, really help.
Thanks!
1. “Honoring my Work Makes it More Powerful” — This is my mantra. It reminds me to charge for things. (I have to say it a lot.)
2. Heretics break new ground. Don’t fear the stake.
3. “It’s all happening.”
4. Your creative pattern is “wait, wait, GO!” Watch for the green light.
5. You don’t have to be afraid of being big…
6. …and Small is Beautiful.
7. Generosity is a form of wisdom. Even if the people you promoted don’t promote you back, it is still worth taking the time to help out.
8.Eventually you will tip, go viral, and find (more) of your people.
Okay folks, time for me to go back to creating products. I knew I could count on you!
Thanks for being here.
45 comments
I. See. You.
This post brought tears to my eyes and they are tears of gratitude. Thank you so much for being here, being real, and writing this. Maybe my gremlins and your gremlins could go out dancing or something.
Rachelle, What a wonderful post. I totally feel this. I get it. I see you. ;)
Just last night, I was having a minor freak out to Marcy about what a failure I am because I’m not “growing enough,” etc. You know. Usual stuff. I am thankful that I have someone to whom I can just nakedly voice those gremlins, that’s for sure.
Just saw Lori-Lyn’s comment and my gremlins definitely are in need of some dancing. There must be a special kind reserved for gremlins, I would think.
There you are, I see you (waves across the virtual world).
Maybe you could get your Gremlins to shut up and work for a living. I wonder what they could do to be useful.
I am right here with you- going through my very own and very very very samers challenges with my own business- the parts that are online, the parts that are in person and the parts that are free- all while trying to figure out how I fit in my delightful boyfriend, yoga, bicycle rides and sleep. Keep on the way you are going and taking care of yourself- mentally and physically must always come first.
You can do it. I think that perhaps you just need to give people a chance to catch up to you. I, for one, adore your idea of Flock, but for me it’s a future goal to join, not a right-now practicality. Have patience! You are ahead of your time.
Yup, Yup!! I understand. You are not alone — we are here and we are waiting for you to put your gifts into the world. You are working on it and it will be born in its own time.
Patience, grasshopper.
I am in your corner and rooting for you all the way!
I see you, too!
I would also like to add that as far as I can tell, you have singlehandedly brought the word “gremlin” into the vernacular (and, not referring to the movie, obviously). Anybody who reads it in your writing instantly knows what it means and how to use it themselves. Trend-setter, you are!
I’m a lurker but I see you here and I always take the time to read what you have to say. I appreciate you.
I see you, Rachelle. I absorb wisdom and light whenever our paths cross out here in the cyber world.
I’ve noticed that sometimes you have to get to the everything is f*cking up and nothing is working point to get to the other side. Perhaps everything you’re working toward is just around the corner?
I am sending light.
Rachelle,
You are lovely and it’s always a treat to read what you have to say.
I see you, I feel you! I just did a sage cleansing of the studio to ward off the gremlins that are keeping me stuck here on Facebook instead of at the table, creating. “One more cup of coffee” “One more check of email” “Check the laundry first” blah blah blah. I for one am ready for a gremlin ass-kicking. Suit up, gloves on (or off). Stand up and throw punches in the air and visualize them flying out the window! A little visualization with a little physical movement will help shake things up.
Rachelle – I learn so much from you. I think you are amazingly gifted and compassionate and articulate. I love your honesty. I am fortunate to know you and follow your work.
Is there comfort in numbers? You are not alone – and I am not referring to your gremlins! :-) I posted about getting stuck on a commission piece I made in 2008. I recognize the process, but it’s still a bitch to get through it. http://q42desgns.blogspot.com/2008/08/have-i-gone-too-far-now-what.html
I really do see you. See you?
I see you. And I’m right there with you. This is a great post actually. I spent most of my winter being sick and exhausted and almost invisible. If you haven’t heard much from me that’s why. I don’t know how you’ve managed to do all you have while being sick, so I give you props.
I am starting to feel better now and waking up more, although I’m afraid I’m pushing myself a bit more than I should to feel 100%.
I have been thinking about circuses… just haven’t been able to put things into motion. :)
#8 rocks my socks off! I probably should have read this before I emailed you… but ya know, it just validates why I “get” you even more.
Mucho love & belief in you,
Carmen
I’m so moved by your honesty. And I can so relate to all of it! The overwhelm and the gremlins. I get knocked out by my own urgent need to see it all come together NOW. Actually, now is way too late, it needed to happen yesterday.
I see you. And I’m so curious: What shifted for you after writing this? What is your gut telling you is needed next? I have no doubt your wisdom has something important to say that can guide you.
Love, Tara
I see you, too. And you’re amazing. You are going to tip– I know it. I’m holding you in my thoughts today.
Rachelle, I SEE YOU. We mustn’t let the gremlins win, not now when we’ve come so far & there’s still a ways to go Hold on, you can do this & it will happen. Love & light.
I’m here to add my “I see you” to all the others. You are loved, respected, and honoured. You are brave and you are breaking new ground. Carry on.
May you feel visible, acknowledged and appreciated
I see you, love you and believe in you with all my heart. Treat yourself to the walk and martini. It will come together. (Sorry our call got dropped the other day. Hope we can pick up again soon.)
I like you this place has been an amazing safe space or me and a great jumping off point on my journey of finding a new spirituality.
“it’s all happening” – I love that. I definitely see you, and your generosity of heart in promoting others is such a lovely thing to see. I know it’s hard to wait and watch things grow, but maybe that’s the stage you’re at right now. Keep your watering can handy, and definitely send the gremlins to the compost hole.
I see you. Keep honoring your work! You’re doing great.
I see you. And I feel you! I’ve just put my feet on the road to independence, trying to escape my hugely draining day gig. I just need to find a way to live my life so that I have time to write and to do the things that inform my writing. Meanwhile, I’ve started a blog and most days, I just feel like I’m shouting into an empty well. So, I see you there! The funny thing is, you seem so successful to me – everything I’d like to be in a few years – it makes me wonder if any of us ever feel seen.
Christine – I see you too — finding your “voice” and letting it grow stronger everyday. I think that’s evident in your new “tutu” headers as well. Yay You!
Tess–I asked my Gremlins what they would want to do for a living. That shut them up fast. They fell back into their wingbacked chairs, put their feet up on the hassocks, held their martinis dainty and said “Mother did’t raise us to do menial labor.”
Meghan – So true! If you let the self-care essential slide everything else goes to pot.
Lissa – Thanks for reminding me about realities of Edge Dwelling.
MPants — Thank you! Have you heard of the book “Taming Your Gremlins”? Jena Strong, my life coach, recommended it to me. I didn’t like the book so much, but the name stuck. He’s also got a website. I’m so glad I’ve helped spread the term tho!
The Other Laura — thank you for pointing out that pattern to me! I hadn’t seen it on my own. (Hurrah for community!)
Tara–lol! I have that “not jut NOW, but why hasn’t it happened ALREADY!” Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in my neurosis.
Sharon — I went and read your post. It helped.
And to everyone else who saw me and said encouraging things — I see you to! Keep on keeping on!
Love and Hope to you all,
Rachelle
From this little corner of the world, you are seen, you are heard, you are understood.
Also, a lot of people whose blogs I read–and me, too–are having troubles with Gremlin grumblings this week. What gives?
Here’s to hoping your tipping point comes soon and your Gremlins take a vacation. Why not send them to the Caribbean and get them drunk on tropical drinks with the little umbrellas in them? ((Hugs))
By the way, I’ve tagged you as a Beautiful Blogger.
http://aswithin.wordpress.com/2010/03/18/beautiful-bloggers/
I see you and you are beautiful! I love what you are doing. I’ve just been down the rabbit hole for awhile. When I pop back up I’ll rejoin.
Yet another powerful post. You have inspired me for years. May you feel deeply cherished.
I’m here and reading and cheering! Just keep going and don’t let the naysayers get you down! There are a trillion, I bet more, people who are successful in their endeavors whose family, friends, strangers, and every single solitary person they met either discouraged them or didn’t even give a hoot enough to say anything. Again, IGNORE the naysayers!:)
I see you, friend. You have a lot to offer and I have confidence that the valuable things you are working on will come to fruition. Hang in there. Blessings on your combination of health, vision, reality, family, and just being. Love you!
God did I EVER need to read this today. Thank you for this post. For the realness. I needed it big time. SMOOCHES! I totally see you.
I struggle SO much with being “seen” (or not.) In so many areas I feel like I have no voice, and am working hard to find it. To actually say things out loud: the this is the Real Me / Life in the Trenches hard stuff, and finding that place where I really believe that the stuff I have to say could possibly be of value to someone else (who ME? nah, everybody already knows the stuff I know…) This is where my gremlins lie.
I’m standing on a big threshold, about to take a bigger risk than I’ve taken in a looooong time, and it terrifies me. Some how, seeing you call out your own inner doubting voices, and reminding me that even articulate, inspiring people like you have moments of doubt really helps. REALLY. Sometimes the most inspiring thing you can do is show a peak behind the curtain and make us all realize that our dreams are not as insurmountably difficult, because *everyone* has moments where they’re scrambling to make it go and to see their own value, and feel SEEN as valuable by others. That maybe -just maybe- we can follow our calling, and do what we love, and feel our gifts are actually wanted in the great out there. (And maybe even be able to pay for luxuries like groceries while we’re at it!)
You truly are an inspiration.
I see you, too! And I appreciate your inspiration and your transparency. The gremlins may tell you it doesn’t work, but it does. It’s real and authentic. Small IS beautiful, but here’s to a big-enough-small to pay some bills.
Each one of your true things has a kernel of wisdom for me. You continually prompt me to think about things in new ways.
I definitely see you, and your words bring so much joy and introspection and feeling of rightness to my world! Here is a pep-talk written over at NaNoWriMo (www.nanowrimo.org – if you’re not familiar, it’s an awesome, mind-numbing, heart-wrenching, head-banging, humbling and eventually fun experience).
Love!
***
Dear Novelist,
Wow. We had a feeling this year’s NaNo was going to be big. We just didn’t realize it would be this big.
[...deleted some stuff for the sake of your time...]
With so much fiction produced, you might mistake National Novel Writing Month for a novel writing event. But we actually have a sneaky secondary mission that extends beyond books…and into your job.
(If you’re still in school, please print this email out, seal it in an envelope, and read it on your first day at work.)
Okay. Jobs. Having a job is one of the greatest, trickiest things you can do as an adult. Employment brings perks like challenges and growth and (sometimes) money. But the longer you work at a job, the easier it is to confuse what you are doing with what you can do.
This is true whether you’re a dental hygienist, a stay-at-home parent, or Sirkka-Liisa Anttila, the Forestry Minister of Finland. Because careers tend to be all about specialization. Human beings, on the other hand, contain multitudes. Each of us has a wealth of talents spread broadly over domains both marketable and deliciously impractical. The tricky part is that we tend to develop the former at the expense of the latter. Passions become hobbies. Hobbies become something we swear we’ll get back to when we have more time. Or when the kids are grown. Or when the stock market recovers.
Which means we leave unexplored many of those paths that ultimately make us feel most alive—the moments of creating, building, playing, and doing that lead to extraordinary and unexpected things.
Like writing a book.
Or, more loosely, postponing the must-dos of the real world to spend 30 days exploring an attractive, improbable dream.
Giving ourselves that time is so important. Because the world can wait. It’s what the world does best, in fact. It was hanging out for 4.5 billion years before we arrived, and it’ll be waiting around for another few billion after we’re gone.
Our dreams, however, have much shorter shelf-lives.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from running NaNoWriMo, it’s this: Whatever you think you are, you are more than that. You possess a fearsome array of skills and abilities, and the most satisfying of these may be completely unknown to you now. Your curiosity is a dependable guide; follow it. Put yourself in unfamiliar places. Kindle passions. Savor the raw joy of making things, and then remake the best of those things until they take someone’s breath away. Wrestle bears.
Actually, skip the bear-wrestling.
But do keep trying big things, okay? Sometimes we can wait so long for a clear sign that it’s time to begin, that the opportunity sails right past us.
Life is so short. Adventures beckon. Let’s get packed and head out on a new one today.
I think it’s time.
Chris
NaNoWriMo
***
Rachelle, whatever you think you are –whatever the gremlins tell you that you are — you are more than that.
I see you! Love this post. i felt like i was reading my mind. especially #1. I’m continually astonished when paeople buy my stuff & I wantto say,really? are sure? let me just give it to you… I’m working on this.. and #7… thanks for the inspiration & keepin’ it real.
Thank you all for you awesome support. I’m going to each and everyone of your sites today to SEE YOU!
Thank you for putting the work of your hands and your hearts out into the world.
Once again the way we resonate together and support one another here in this wide on-line tribe confirms to me “There ain’t no place to go but together.”
Much Warmth,
Rachelle
I see you and your light, shining brightly with every post. You are an amazingly honest, gifted and inspiring writer…keep shining!!
Keep going. I’m a bit behind in the reading – but I see you!
[...] Magpie Confessional: Small Business Neurosis on Magpie Girl. Get outta my head, Rachelle! [...]
I see you! I’ve bookmarked this post and see myself coming back to it often. I love your message of authenticity–I often struggle with being authentic vs putting out there via twitter and blogland the person/the artist I *want* to be. Thank you for being a role model and providing some honest advice.
Hey, beautiful. I see you. I feel you, sister. It takes a bold spirit and lots of courage to keep stepping over the edge into the new, into the possible, into the big unknown. You can do this. You ARE doing this. I believe in you. No question.
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