What do you wish to trust in?
my august dreamboard, now on display with a candle in the middle of the kitchen table.
I wish I could trust in healing. That it will come in this life time. That Josh’s deep conviction that I will be free from this pain will triumph over the calm quiet voice inside me telling me, “Girl, you’d better get used to managing this, because this is it forever.”
I wish I could trust my body. That when it wakes up in the morning, it will allow me to do the basics of my day. That it will not make me cancel, lie down, swallow pills.
I wish I could trust my doctors and practitioners – all 31 of them, each of them speaking with so much confidence on my first office visit these words: “I have such good results with migraines.” All of whom now know me only as a cold case, as a stack of files.
I wish I could trust in Alanis’s soft sermon. That I would be good, even if I could do nothing. That I could be good, even if I got and stayed sick.
I wish, I wish…
17 comments
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
with love,
Jamie
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
I really do.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
i wish that for you, too, rachelle!!
i don’t know if this was an invitation to share our own wishes here, but since i have nowhere else to write this and would like to say it, here’s my wish:
i wish i could trust that my spirituality could truly be interesting and captivating to a man in my life, and that we could dwell in a spiritual space TOGETHER.
i spent about nine years in a relationship with someone who not only couldn’t relate to my spirituality (despite being of the same religion as i was at the time), but didn’t seem to be moved or touched on any level by what moved or touched me.
(by that i mean- do you know that feeling when someone you love sees something that moves them, and it makes you cry too, because it’s so sweet to see them being so moved?? he never felt that toward me.)
now that i’ve met a man who truly gets me on such a deeper level, who’s love reaches the bottom of my soul, and who is moved by hearing about/ seeing what moves and touches me- it’s still really hard for me to believe that he’ll come into my spiritual space with me ALL the way- whatever that even means. (i’m not sure because i’ve never had that, it’s just something i feel such a longing for.)
the more i learn about myself, the more i realize how lonely i am in my spirituality and how scared i am of being rejected and left alone in that area of myself. society tells me that, even in my spiritual plane, i should be entirely content and zenny with mySELF, not needing anyone but me to reach fulfillment. but deep down, i just don’t believe that. i don’t want to be spiritual if it means being alone, disconnected.
so, i tried “not being spiritual” to see if that would eliminate my loneliness there. it did- but it also eliminated a lot of reality, it was like pretending to be something i’m not.
and since i don’t understand what it could possibly look or feel like to share my spiritual space with my partner, i don’t even know what exactly i’m hoping for. but i know i deeply want “it,” whatever it is, and i think i even deeply believe that “it” is possible. i just wish i could FULLY trust that this, one of my deepest desires, could ever be fulfilled.
hoping makes me nervous.
- monsterpants
i’m sorry i feel like a jerk- i didn’t see the wish link explaining how to do this.
sorry for using your blog for myself! (<– asshole!) but i do sooo wish you as you wish for yourself!
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
That’s a good one!!! It’s so hard to trust when your body isn’t in line with you!!! Huge hugs, Sarah
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
Warm Hugs
as rachelle wishes for herself, so i wish for her, as well.
xo.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
As Rachelle wishes for herself; I trust with blind faith that a wish is more than just words spoken into the ether.
I trust that a hope is more than just a desire.
I trust that the small spaces in which we make these wishes resonate with the universe, and
I trust that Rachelle will be wholly and truly well.
Much love.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish also.
Much Joy, Many Blissings to you~
Molly
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
This is beautifully written.
As Rachelle wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.
May the 32nd expert by the charm!
as rachelle wishes for herself, I wish for her as well.
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