Comments on: Advice Girl: How to Deal with Sadness

By: joan

joan — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:19:06 +0000

I think the trick is to be able to differentiate between sadness and grief.
Grief is too horrific to embrace, and must simply be worked through… which is never simple.
But sadness… sadness in all it’s forms is one of the most beautiful emotions we possess.
I truly embrace sadness.
xo

By: Rachelle Mee-Chapman

Rachelle Mee-Chapman — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:08:01 +0000

Thanks all for your feedback and ideas! This is exactly what I hoped would happen with this post and others like it … a community of idea-bearers coaching each other on the journey.

I’ve got a follow up post in the work for this Wednesday with more ideas.

Shalom,

Rachelle

By: Jen Payne

Jen Payne — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:55:07 +0000

Rachelle, loved this post… the part about you and your friend with cancer gave me goosebumps. Thank you for this…

By: Tami

Tami — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 07:28:54 +0000

Hey Rachelle,
Just found your site via facebook. I love this post and have been asking similar questions technically for years (for work) but in a more intense personal way over the past year as I’ve faced all three of your types of sadness through loss, extended family tradegy and transition. I have a good friend that says when she faces a yearly anniversary of a very deep loss she “has tea” with her sadness. Each year the process looks different but she never works through it until she allows herself to SIT with the sadness and breathe it IN. I think that “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” has some good things to say on this topic if I’m not mistaken. Also, sleep deprivation has been shown to cause depression… a study was done with some connection to Gottman (researcher friend of his, I believe) – they were looking to see if new parents were depressed due to lack of sleep and found this. I think the research is stated in his latest book, “And Baby Makes Three”…

I hope to hold on to this concept of “Sacred Down”… we are certainly guaranteed sadness and deep greif if we do ride the waves of authentic living and risk giving ourselves fully in life. So much more meaningful than the alternative.

One question… with all the grief and loss in the world, how would one not feel empathic sadness constantly? Thoughts on this?

Thanks again for this post.

By: Elaine

Elaine — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 05:26:33 +0000

Hi Rachelle.

I’m responding to your reference dietary changes under “pervasive sadness.” After reading your post I searched my trusted information sources but couldn’t find anything that fit. So I did some searching and tonight found this excellent resource:

>Healthy eating and depression: How diet may help protect your mental health<
“Research in this area is still underway so it is not possible to draw any firm conclusions but the evidence does suggest that it is worth trying to follow a healthy diet in order to protect our mental health.
This advice is for anyone who wishes to protect their mental health through healthy eating. It is particularly relevant for people recovering from mild or moderate depression and suggests how changes to their diet can help improve their mood.
People with severe depression are encouraged to seek medical help as a priority. While a healthy diet can help recovery, it should sit alongside other treatments recommended by your doctor.”

LINK:
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/food-and-mental-health/
(scroll down to about the middle of the page)

The booklet can be read online but I prefer the PDF, which can be downloaded. The eating tips are simple. In fact, most may be familiar, but one or two might be new-to-you and worth trying (e.g., include protein in each meal; include oily fish {omega 3 fatty acids} in your diet).

Self-care, including nourishing ourselves, can help us “learn lessons” & “ride the waves of feeling” with greater resilience and strength. (Yes, I think Leonie is quite wise — thank you for sharing her thoughtful words.)

By: Lisa (msla)

Lisa (msla) — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:37:30 +0000

I’m deeply appreciative of this post. I, too, deal with all three types of sadness. I was having a conversation with a friend a couple of months back about the middle type of sadness. My experience of that middle type of sadness is that it can almost be a “canary in the coal mine” type of sadness. Often I can discern (to use the old word) something that is off quite a while before it becomes apparent. I’ve tried to develop some skills of sharing my feelings prior to the thing becoming apparent, which feels in some way like helping people prepare for what’s ahead.

I’ve found that the middle type of sadness is often a deep gift. In my line of work, a major part of what I do is help people find space to tell their real stories – not the ones they think they should tell, but the ones they are actually experiencing. Sometimes it feels like I’m asked to hold on to the sadness until they’ve got enough space to hold it themselves. So the sadness is often followed with the incredible experience of people finding skills to make enough space for their own sadness – and grow through it.