We are SoulSisters! I “knew” it! I’ve been where you’ve been, sat in those same seminary classes, watched Christians go through the motions every Sunday, etc. And now I am ‘here’, in the wonder-filled place I belong. Having fun, creating beauty in my life. Moving far, far away from ‘home’ played a part in my growth and has taken me to awesome soulful places all over the world.

I am creating my SoulTribe, and I hope you’ll be part of it.
Kim
http://www.acrossthelana.blogspot.com (my expat life in Albania)

I appreciate the comment above about McLaren’s books seeming a little too safe. The thing is- I didn’t read any of those emergent books when they came out because I was living it, as you know, at Church of the Apostles in Seattle. (By the way- my emergent experience is SO saturated with the presence of women! Lacey, Karen, myself, and so many other women leaders at that church who planted it and cultivated it! Not to mention your very impressive presence in the peripheral all the while. I NEVER thought of emergent as being “white male” until reading this and realizing that COTA is kinda not the norm… I’m very blessed to have had it.)

Anyway, for one thing I find that since I bypassed the standard “getting to know emergent” literature and went straight to living it, just the thought of going back and reading those books really drains me. But furthermore- and I guess the thing I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on (whether you can relate, and if so- how you cope with this)- is that I also find that I’ve moved one step beyond now, to the point of not attending church, and in fact not feeling a loyalty or sense of “responsibility” to Christianity as the religion that it is, was, or “should be.” You know- that sense of obligation to be part of transforming Christianity, to making it something better- making it into the thing it could be/ should be… I REALLY felt that at first when I got involved with emergent- I took on huge leadership responsibilities with a “we can change the world!” vigor. But at a certain point, I don’t know what happened, I just… let go. (I almost wrote, “I snapped,” if that sheds a little light on the sentiment I’m getting at.) Usually, this release just feels like a big burden lifted in my life, but deep down I still feel a very subtle, very consistent twinge of guilt like instead of “letting go” what I really did was… I gave up. I gave up on Christianity, that is the icky thing some voice in my head is telling me with an ashamed tone of voice. And (I go on to feel) that makes me somehow bad (not “going to hell” bad, just more like you said, “season of doubt” bad- the kind you hear your mother’s voice praying for you to come through unscathed).

I sort of felt this guilt come surfaceward, after a season of hibernation, when I read this post. Maybe it’s just hearing someone I relate to so much on that excellent list of “symptoms” (and who’s voice and opinion I value so much on the topic of spirituality and faith) recommend reading a book about a new kind of Christianity, when from my current position a book like that doesn’t appeal to me on any level. I find myself asking, “What’s wrong with me, then, for not caring what happens to Christianity?”

I have to wonder what keeps a person like you interested in any way in transforming Christianity. It’s not just that it seems like a huge task (because believe me, I’m known for taking on huge tasks, in spite of their ominousness), it’s also that I struggle with whether or not that is really something that NEEDS to happen, like, for the good of humankind. Why not just extract and glean out the religion it is supposed to be, and call it something completely different (or nothing at all)? Keep the ancient roots and all the Truth and Light, and let go of the stigmatized title, allowing for the not-so-great brand of Christianity that still dominates to just sort of fizzle out? I feel like a bad girl for asking that, but I guess we can say I’m being devil’s advocate even though we both know I’m really asking for myself.

At this point, I almost feel like attempting to play a role in transforming Christianity from where I stand now would be like trying to transform or change any religion I’m not really a part of. That feels wrong to me- so why do I STILL have this deep-set guilt of “giving up on it”?

Ultimately, I know that religion and faith come down to living the way you feel morally compelled to live and being faithful to that sense of Truth and centeredness in your life. I was never the one to ask this until seriously just a few months ago- but, why bother with a title? Why bother saving Christianity? Why bother eliminating the negative and unnecessary types of guilt so often associated with the OLD kind of Christianity (regarding “right living” and such) just to replace it with a new type of guilt- that it’s my obligation to transform Christianity, and I’m somehow bad if I don’t get involved in that transformation?

Oh man, sorry so many words. I’m probably being redundant in places too, but it feels good to get this out.
Thank you for thinking about this!
Lots of love,
Gwen

can’t remember exactly how i stumbled across your site (abbey of the arts, perhaps?), but i’m so glad i did, and so glad i bookmarked it so i could come back and read this! i have been struggling with faith for the past several years (really ever since i became a christian about 15 years ago). my struggles are of a different nature, but this piece spoke to me nonetheless. i had heard of brian mcclaren, but haven’t read his book (books?); perhaps i will now. i look forward to exploring your site!

i kind of wanted to put myself out there and bring up my book “stumbling toward faith” as a sort of early emergent (non-male) book which also challenged this thinking.

i have totally different issues (though i do recognise the desperate need for new lenses) but people ARE longing to hear from those who are willing to be real and honest and distrusting of the status quo.

much love.
renee

Thank you for giving me some of your precious kid-free time! Lord knows how rare that is!

The more water that passes under the bridge, the more willing I am to embrace and define my ‘heretical’ views — even if this makes it harder for me to get published. I agree with you, McLaren’s books and most of the pomo books I’ve read were groundbreaking for me when I first read them –what 5? 8? years ago. But now anything I pick up seems too tame. I need someone to walk with me right out on to the edge. I don’t want a groovier version of the same old same old. I respect that that is enough of a change for many people. But it’s more reformational than that for me. Every reformer is a heretic before s/he is a hero. :-)

Here’s to journey!

It’s amazing what living in a different culture does for you, isn’t it?

I haven’t read any of those books, so thank you very much for your recommendation. I’m a very poor reader of non-fiction, so let’s start with just one. :-) Which would you MOST recommend and I’ll go order it pronto!

Tak!

R

I suppose that’s a good first impulse– to get you (or to get yourself) to sink deeper into the structure and try to make changes. That was certainly my first impulse. “We can save this!” phenomenon. I think the jury is still out as to whether not the instutition as-is is a sinking ship or not.

When I was dealing specifically with the patriarchy in my particular denomination, one of my mentors, Rose Swetman, said to me “This will not change in your lifetime. The question you have to ask yourself is, are you called to this fight within these walls.” I quickly realized the answer was no. Now I’m trying to encourage a search for the feminine divine from outside the official structure –much as you are working in the NGO world instead. Here’s to ushering in shalom in whatever way we can!

-r

I don’t know how well I can represent the gay contingent, but I will try! Maybe you can suggest readers to me who will help me edit along the way?

Emergent is still really white (straight) male. I don’t know if we can change that or not. But I do know when you’ve got a story in your soul, you’ve got to let it out. I think I’ll do that and see what happens.

Love you lots, my brother.

-R

And WOW!