Finding What you Value Most.

I’ve been trying to write a book, and to get it picked up by a publisher since 2005. There have been a couple of manuscript proposals with sample chapters, and some interest, and some more chapters, and some more interest, and another proposal, but alas, nothing definitive has come about.

When I realized it’s been three years since I started verbalizing “I am writing a book” and two since I finished my first real draft, I got discouraged. What was I doing really? Furthermore, what did I want to be doing really?

I’ve been swirling around in an eddy of repeated thoughts about my work as a writer/teacher/learner–most of which are diametrically opposed to one another—and I can’t seem to find the momentum or the release to get myself out of the cycle. So I hired a life coach. Someone I’ve been reading on line for quite some time, Jena Strong of Strong Coaching. (blog│coaching site) We’ve just started working together, but so far so good. I’ve given her permission to blow the “bullshit bullhorn” whenever I am clearly talking out of my ass, and she’s given me…assignments.

One of the first exercises Jena gave me was a Values Clarification exercise. Part of the procedure was to look at a list of values and narrow it down to ten. Then she helped me order those ten values from by drawing a set of concentric circles and putting the most central value in the middle, working my way out to the outer ring. Jena described the outer ring as the ‘container’ that provides the structure to hold all the others. It took a long time to narrow down the right word for some of the values I was trying to represent, and more than once Jena had to blow the bullshit bullhorn when I was trying to claim a noble word that was not really describing what I was getting after. In the end these were my ten — from inner ring to outer ring:

Integrity
Generosity
Attentiveness
Clarity
Guidance
Freedom
Integrity
Beauty
Props (as in “getting’ my props!”)
Security

For a long time I’ve felt really guilty about my high need for security – especially for financial security. I’ve felt pampered, spoiled, and weak when I couldn’t follow my brave and brazen friends in to a life of voluntary poverty and extreme adventure. But when Jena had me draw my values out in concentric rings, I realized that the security was the container that allowed everything else – the generosity, and the guidance, and the beauty – to thrive.

Because embodying emotional and spiritual thoughts into physical symbol is so powerful to me, Jena suggested that I find some way to physically represent my values. She mentioned that she’s always wanted someone to make a mobile of their values so they could see how they move in and out amongst one another. That wasn’t something I could engineer, but it did make me think of those collapsing water cups we used as kids – the type that were made of concentric plastic rings that collapsed down inside the lid of the cup for compact travel. Remember those? (I had an orange one that I kept by the sink as my tooth mug.) I decided to try to make one of those…which turned into a mobile…which looks suspiciously like the color scheme from Oh the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss…which I figure is all pretty much prophetic, don’t you think?

Even though while I was making it I kept thinking “Really? This is what grown adults do with their free time?” I’m finding it to be quite well worth it. It’s hanging in the corner of my studio by my writing desk, and somehow it’s helping me feel grounded and hopeful from time to time – like I’ve done something meaningful, like I’ve taken a good first step.
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What are your top ten values? How might you give them a concrete form? Make a little list, muck something up and show it to us in a photo, or blog about it and give us the link – the comments are open!

Posted in Soulcare
Tags: jena strong, Soulcare |