The tea lights ring the room and ambient trip-hop spills from the speakers. There are seven of us around the table ranging in age from fifty to five. We’ve chatted a bit and filled our mugs. Now it’s time for cardstock and magazines, glues sticks and scissors. It’s the Full Moon. It’s time to Dreamboard.
A Dreamboard circle is one of the simplest Soultribes to form. It doesn’t require complicated leadership, and the supplies and techniques are very basic. You can form one easily with these simple steps…

Read the rest of this entry »

Hello Comrades!

Have you been writing down your M.I.T.s (most important tasks) most days? Did you create your list of Guiding Values? Oh, Leo would be so proud!

Today in The DO LESS Revolution we are going to experiment with “Choosing the Essentials”. Like Leo says, when you choose the essentials you do less but accomplish more because you are doing what matters to you.  I call this Concentrated Living, where every hour is full and rich - not because it’s jammed packed with activity-but because each activity is deliberately chosen and done with intention. As I’ve said before, all of us have a finite number of hours in day. Don’t you want to be present to them?

The concept of Choosing the Essentials is all about picking the thing you must do and wantto do in a way that reflects your values. If your daily to-do’s are all things that are valuable to you, your life is more satisfying and you live with less regret. Now, that’s not to say that everything you do is something enjoyable. Changing the diapers may never be fun, but raising healthy kids is worth its weight in gold, right? So a-diaper changing we go.

But there are plenty of things in our day that we can enjoy, and IF you identify your Guiding Values and use them to Choose the Essentials, more of your hours can and will be spent doing things you enjoy - things that nourish you, inspire you,  and leave you feeling satisfied at the end of the day. (Rather than regretting what you didn’t do, or trying to go to sleep while you race over all the Most Important Tasks that didn’t get done in the flail of urgent-but-unimportant stuff you did do.)

The Shorthand Version
The way you Choose the Essentials is basically three steps:

1. Take your to-do list (make sure you’ve done your bulk reduction program on it found here.)
2. Put it next to your Guiding Values list.
3. Find the ones that match, and make them your Most Important Task for the day.  

The Storied Version
(You knew that was waaaay to few words for me right?) The best way I can think of illustrating this for you is to tell you a story. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s vacation time—a time when we so often return to a place we’ve once lived, or a holiday spot we love and come to again and again. I’ve recently returned to the States after a year and a half abroad, and I’m finding the reverse culture shock rather intriguing.  So this week’s list is all about the *8Things you experience upon returning to a favorite spot. What is is like when you go to your childhood home? Are there patterns you immediately fall into? (When I walk into my mother’s house, I always have to check the pantry for Oreo cookies, even if I’ve juste aten.) What happens when you return to a favorite vacation spot? (My daemon downloads poetry to me the second I see the sea.) Here are my *8 Signs of Re-Entry:

1. Feeling energized and giddy with the way people dress in my home town. (Jeans under second-hand dresses! Dredlocks! Practical funky shoes! Recycled and re-purposed clothing!)

2. Getting teary because the cashier at the organic co-op chatted with me as she checked me out, and thanked me for bringing my own bags.

3. Smiling giddily just because two teenage girls said, “Oh, sorry!” when they walked in front of me at Target. Ditto with how small children interact with me in the check out lines.

4. Being pleasantly surprised that the smell of fast food joints makes me nauseous and I no longer crave fries.

5. Enjoying driving. (Course, I am borrowing a convertible…)

6. Crying in the produce section of the organic supermarket because, as Catie put it, “Everything in here is like ART Mommy!”

7. Laughing a LOT more, especially with my Mom and Dad, and watching the children laugh, play and just generally have lighter countenances.

8. The deep, satsifying hum of knowing Iwill see someone wonderful, fascinating, and dear to my heart every couple of days as I reconnect with friends.

What *8 Signs of Re-Entrydo you experience on vacation or when you return to some place familiar? List your *8Things in the comments below or grab a button and play along, by adding your post’s permalink in the list below. Thanks for being here!

Cate’s year of adventures, starting with the amusement park Tivoli in Copenhagen.

Dear Catie,

This morning when I woke up I was chewing, chewing, chewing away about what to write to you for this your Number Nine Birthday.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how Mama and Grandpa like to tease you about getting so grown up. I always say, “Catie! Who told you you could grow up so fast!” And Grandpa says you have to stay 8 another year because he missed your Number 8 year while you were in Denmark. (At least he’s “letting” you turn 9 when we celebrate all the cousins’ birthdays next week!)

But you know what Cate? I don’t think it’s very nice of us to tease you so. You are great at every age!

©       We loved you when you were one second old and crying softly in the operating room.

©       We loved you when you were Baby Cate and your tiny little tushy never touched the ground because no one ever wanted to put you down.

©       We loved you when you were a toddler and said such funny things like “I am getting fwusterated” and “I got distwacked” and “That’s ig-GUSTING!” and “I NOT yelling. I cweaming. You know, CWEAMING!!!!”

©       We loved you when you started school and uncovered your Superpower of being the Worlds Friendliest Child.

©       And we love you now when you are still just the right fit for a cuddle, but getting so big and independent as well.

Every age and stage of life is full and good things and challenges. And just because we love your little self so, we shouldn’t make you think there’s not fantastic stuff ahead in your bigger and bigger girl self. Because baby, there is some good stuff waiting for you this year. Nine is just fine!

This year you did so many big kid things! You learned Danish, a language so hard even Mama can’t learn it – yet you speak it like a pro. Danish grownups always say how perfect your accent is! And you’ve made friends from all over the world: Danish pals like Sara and Sidse, Mia from China, and dear, sweet Johanna from Estonia. You get to do a lot more independent things now, like taking the dog out by yourself or riding your bike to the library with Eden. You even get to walk to the train station to meet Daddy for dinner at McDonalds! Woah!  I don’t think I got to do any of that stuff until I was at least 10 – and that was in the old days when kids got to do that stuff younger. You are really doing great on the responsibility thing Cate!

I hope you will always remember your wonderful year of adventures: riding the double-decker bus in London; drawing the David in your sketch book in Italy; learning about old fashioned skole in Sweden; and picking up pebbles from the Berlin Wall in Germany. And don’t forget the Towers and Dome Tour of Europe with Eden and Daddy! I wonder how many steps you three have climbed to get to the top of the world?

I know this birthday summer here on the island with Giggy, Bompa and the cousins is going so fantastic for you. I’m so glad you get to start Year Nine off in such a beautiful place. I hope the peacefulness of this place – the still morning waters, the long glowing sunsets, and the hush of the rustling trees—sinks down deep inside you and fills you up for when times are not-so-easy. And I know you will be filled up to the top with joy as you run around with your sister and cousins: going out in the double kayak with Preston, building forts and hunting for treasure with Noah and Luke, and showing Jilly and Amelia all the best places to find crabs. Not to mention all the fun that is waiting for us still with the big Chapman cousins in Chicago. (Oh, Mommy cannot stand to look when y’all have Danger Adventures with the big boys! “Do you know you are very strong?”)

I love you Cate Shalom, and I’m so proud of my growing-up “Baby Cate.”

Lots of Love,

Mama

Cate loves collage, drawing, cooking, giggling and screaming. She celebrated her birthday with mocktails, sushi, and a Costco cake that could feed approximately 3,000. She is having 5 birthday parties this year in 2 countries, 3 cities, and 4 houses. You can celebrate her for hours here and here.

Good news! I’ve found ten copies of  Tweet! : a ‘zine for summer and can do a tiny little re-issue for those of you who missed it’s colorful goodness the first time around. It’s chock-a-block full of beautiful images, cheeky sentences, and places to journal. My ‘zines always have  a secret prize inside. (Mmm….just like Cracker Jacks at the ballpark!) Reach for the sun with this feminine tome to the loveliness of Summer.

To order, email me moi@magpie-girl.comwith your snail mail address, and I’ll send you a Paypal invoice. (Sorry, due to my overseas banking situation I can only accept paypal orders.)

Price: $10 (includes shiping) 

P.s. Let it be known… I created this LONG before Twitter got started, and p.s. why did they have to make their icky marketing program called “magpie”?!   Oh well, guess I was just ahead of the curve with the tweeting and twittering! Lookin’ forward to sending this tweet flying your way!

Just one of many Solstice celebrations, this one at the house on Rockaway Beach. 

Listen to the podcast here:

Subscribe to Magpie Girl podcasts on Zune, or on iTunes, or via RSS.

___________________________

It is not quite 5am and the dark is slowly dimming to reveal pine trees like shadow puppets awaiting the stage. Beyond them the water is still as glass waiting or the faithful northwest kayakers who will slip out at the dawn, leaving a silent wake in their path.

We are finally at my parent’s coastal retreat, Pura Vida, a beautifully appointed home on a tiny island in the Puget Sound. Everyone is asleep, save me, the insomniac with jet lag. But in a place a still and beautiful as this, who can be worried about a few hours of lost slumber? (Beside, the hammock is waiting on the deck below, should sleep come calling in the afternoon.)

The house will not be quiet long as Pura Vida is full of happy grandparents and boisterous children - soon to be joined by more boisterous children and chatty mamas when the cousins arrive. My Irish roots will show big and bold and the gift of gab will be used in full force over the coming weeks as we greet each other in a rush of words and stories. In the happy, overwhelming rush of family reunion, these sleepless quite moments in the early morn will be my hermit-ish ying to the jolly yang of our happy clan. A time to reflect and write, and sooth the frayed edges of a soul worn down by the coldness of life abroad, now stretched to a joyful bursting point by the warmth of familiarity and common bonds.

 Already we have be embraced by the loving arms of people we cherish:  the Curran-Coolmans who took our battered jet-lagged selves into their home so full of art, and story, and affection; the sweet child-like family at BF Day Elementary who jumped up and down to see us all on the sugar-filled high of the last day of school; the colorful chaotic buzz of the artists prepping for Solstice celebrations, awash in paper mache; the affection of our son-adopted-by-affection who apparently “does not get enough love” (hard to believe given the lovely young woman who rarely leaves his side); and the teary embrace of our dear friends Lynette and Dwight who could not possibly have more generous hearts toward we the ornery wanders.

All of that goodness in the first 48 hours—a restorative tonic for the 18 months spent in a culture which barely says “hello.”

And now, seven glorious weeks on the shores of placid sea, listening to the giggles, finding crabs under rocks, plucking oysters off the rocks for our supper, and wondering again why it was that we ever went away.

 Today Brother Sun will shine his goodness down on all of this wonder, creating from his rays the longest, most glorious day of the year. And I will see very dear moment of it, until his Sister the Moon arrives to tucks us in, just so we can rest and begin it all again.

Happy Solstice.

Hello Loves,

As you may know I am single parenting and leaving today(!) on a six-week Friends-and-Family tour of the U.S. — our first time “home” in a year and a half! Thus, the slow blogging. I’m hoping to get the next DO LESS installment up on Choosing the Essentials. But the essentials may mean that’s a 3-hour writing session might be non-essential for one more week. We’ll see. Stay Tuned.

Hopefully this week’s *8Things will tide you over, because its a good one in that it requires both a little creativity AND  ya’ll will be a great resource to each other if you complete it. (Filling up the Giant Pool of Wisdom one bucket full of goodness at a time!)

In the comments on a recent Ask Magpie, Bethany of Coffee-Stained Clarity asked:

Church music used to be a very important part of my relationship with God, and not just music we sang at church but worship CDs and music I would play on my instruments. However, I’ve been a little shocked to find over the past year that this music has lost all relevance for me. Only one or two of the songs in our church’s entire repertoire mean anything to me, and the rest are just a matter for endurance. My question: Is music still a part of your spirituality, and if so, how does it apply? Have you found a way to bring it with you into the uncharted regions of the map?

I have written a little bit about how things stopped working over here, and I’d like to write more about that shift someday. … I figure this is a challenge not only for those of us in various stages of Leaving (or re-forming) Church, but also for folks who aren’t in an organized religion but who find a spiritual connection through music. (approx. one kazillion souls)

So, what *8 Songs connect you to the Divine? Songs that aren’t classically “religious” or “church music” but create a harmonic bridge to all things holy. Songs that soothe the soul. Songs that encourage and shore you up. Songs that connect you to something bigger and beyond, or more deeply and truly to the here/now. What songs are just Good Medicine? Do tell…and if you have time link us to online versions and youtube videos, just for fun. Here’s my list of *8 Songs for the Soul.

1. I Don’t Want to Waste Your Time, Over the Rhine from The Trumpet Child: this song is good medicine when I need some strengthening tonic in order to step out of the fray of various kinds of arguments, or to move through religious power struggles.

2. We Crawl, Polyphone Spree  from The Fragile Army: Small is beautiful, and “we’re better together.” D’accord?

3. Gravity,  John Mayer from Continuum. I know, I know. I’m a manic fan.  But he’s a brilliant songwriter, he’s really open about his artistic journey, and he’s a top notch guitarist. This song keeps me anchored when times are hard. I listened to it on repeat every night when we first moved here and every day in February. “Just keep me where the light is.”

4.  Ubi Caritas, Taize Chant: “Where there is love, there is God.” These are very much religious songs, but I find them to be accessible and touching, even though I trends toward the heretical. Many Taize songs are in Latin, a ‘dead’ language in that no one uses it as their common tongue — and thus is belongs to no one people group, and therefore can be commonly owned by all. Taize songs are sung on repeat by the congregants, with a solo line in voice or instrument carrying over the top. This symbolizes the reality that somewhere in the world, there are always people praying — so the prayer of the many (the congregant chants) supports the prayer of the one (the solo), and the prayer of the one enhances the prayer of the many. Last week when I was boo-hooing in church, I sang it out loud, even though it was only meant to be background for the offeratory. Thankfully the professional opera singer in front of me smiled benevolently and joined in.  Taize chants  convey universal truths that are helpful on many spiritual adventures.

5. Yahweh, U2 from How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. It’s hard to feel jaded around Bono and the Boys. When the girls were toddlers we had a rule, no one gets out of the car until Yahweh is done playing. Many a minute was spent in the  driveway listening to baby lisps sing “Take dis soul stwanded in some skin and bones, take dis soul and make it sing.” And as I transitioned out of organized religion, so full of anger and loss, I held on to these words with both hands:  ” Take these hands teach them what to carry, take these hands, don’t make a fist. Take this mouth, so quick to criticize, take this mouth give it a kiss.”  There’s always pain before the child is born, but there’s also an ocean of love. Hold on.

8. Breathe In, Breathe Out, Matt Kearney. My housemate Sharon has a t-shirt that says “Breathe In, Breathe Out. Repeat.” It’s ridiculous how many times I need to be reminded to do that. This dreamy little song hooks me back up to that reality when things get panicky.

7. Bold as Love, Jimmy Hendrix via John Mayer, Where the Light Is (Live). Poetic lyrics, passionate instrumentation, and the best sermon I’ve ever heard smack dab in the middle. “I’vedone everything in my life that I want to do except just give and receive love for my living.  And I don’t mean Hollywood, roman candle, hot pink love…I mean like I’ve GOT YOUR BACK love! So I’m gonna experiment with this love thing…giving love, receiving love. I know it sounds really corny but it’s the last thing I’ve got to check out, before I check out. Take me to the chorus, cuz I’m Bold as Love.” Can I get a witness?

6. Coming Up Easy, Paolo Nutini from Sunny Side Up. Most of the lyrics on this song are on Paolo’s main and most annoying theme – which is something like:  ”wow you smell good and I love you like a rock, but also…um…also there are a LOT of women out there.” This is the downside of being a little bit brilliant and a little bit 22-and-male. None the less, the closing refrain of this new song rocks me to my socks. “It was in love I was created and in love is how I hope I die.” Amen to that, my randy little brutha.

What are your *8Songs for the Soul? Grab a button and play along, or put your list in the comments below.

This morning I went to church because it was my turn to do kaffe hour. The brownies I made wouldn’t bake properly and I ended up scooping them out of the pan one strip at a time,  flipping them upside down on a cookie sheet, and putting them back in the oven so the bottoms wouldn’t be gooey. Then I went to three shops trying to find paper cups, to no avail. When I got to the church someone had hosted a catered party the night before and brought over all the leftovers, so all my stuff stayed packed in the grocery bags.

Since I didn’t have to prep my cold cut platters, I went into the sanctuary for the second half of the services and immediately started crying. I do that at lot at church. I think it has something to do with processing the deep loss of Leaving Church after so many decades of dedication. (We only go once in a while now, to give the kids a taste in case they like it and to take Communion which is all rite-and-ritual and kinda pagany–I do love it so!) 

Anyway, this Sunday I realized that while I’m sure I still have a nice deep well of  Leaving Church sorrow, I was also tearing up because I am so damn depleted from this expat living thing. I just want to buy a coke with ice in less than 15 minutes; buy clothes that don’t look like pregnancy-smocks with leggings; and for godsake be able to pick up paper cups on a Sunday! The closer we get to our sabbatical, the more on-edge I become. It reminds me of how we used to completely max out on being parents about 45 minutes before the babysitter arrived.

The toughest thing about living here–other than the vitamin D depletion– is a leathal cocktail of one part too-small adult-friends community + two parts  ”family time” with the children. Recently the small community has shrunk even more, and the kids have had approximately one million days off from school. Yeah, it’s a deadly combination.

In past month I’ve said goodbye to:

-our BFF Family, who moved to Portland, OR.
-my favorite soulsister/artist in CPH.
-a pastoral collegue who actually “gets” me.
-the only other American family in the kid’s folkskole.
-6 of the kid’s friends. (There’s 2 left.)

I’m trying hard to see the benefits of this expansive web of friendship that now lies all over the world. But my deep communitarian roots are showing, and all this bon voyaging is wearing at me until “I feel thin and stretched, like butter spread over too much bread.” (Frodo, I believe.)

On the other hand, I am longing for solitude right now. Paul is Stateside for week doing the Microsurf thing, and I’m at home alone with the girls. Today when I got to church my enjoyable pal Joel asked me how I was. I sighed and absentmindedly said,

“My children never stop talking.” 

This literally cracked him up. He’s child-free and apparently not accustomed to parents saying unflattering things about their beloved offspring. And yet, the sorry truth of it is that Eden and Cate talk non-stop: in English, in Danish, and I swear in some sort of alien language they learned from Dr. Who. And that’s when they haven’t had sugar. Post-Sunday School Cupcakes, this is what Cate did under her breathe the whole way home on the bus today:

“It’s chilly outside. Chilly Willy. That’s a good name for a penguin. Chilly Will was a Penguin. Chillywillychwillywillypenguinchillyoustside for penguinsnamedchillywillychilly…”

And she’s the quiet one.

So rather than whine and rant any further, let me just say this about that…

In my dream world I live the life of a hermit, on a deserted beach where the temperature is a constant 83 and breezy. Even tho I am all solitary and sh*t, I get to go out to lunch for big salads 3 days a week with my soulsisters…and there is a guitarist who lives outside my door with his band and they play amazing songs on demand. Oh, and there’s a bathtub with super soft bamboo towels. And superfast internet. And conjugal visits.  Yeah, that sounds about right.

Where do you escape when life wears you down? What’s your dream world? Do tell…

Hello Loves,

You are probably wondering where *8Things and The DO LESS Revolution are this week. The answer is “late,” that’s all just late.

You see my dear hubby is in the States which means I am single parenting, with migraines, in what can only be described as B.Y.O.A. rainfall (Bring Your Own Ark)—which of course, I must navigate on foot-or-bike because somewhere along the line somebody got the bright idea to move to Europe and live car-free. (Oh yeah that somebody would be me. Well, at least I have very VERY cute rainboots.)

So taking a page from my own DO LESS advice book, I’m narrowing my tasks for the week down to basic survival skills which include: feeding the children, clothing the children, and trying to keep myself from being bludgeoned to death by the children’s all-drama-all-the-time emotional states. (I wanted girls, right?) So *8Things and DO LESS are coming,  just not until the weekend. And when they do could y’all please leave me lots of comments because I’m kinda in THAT kind of headspace right now—oh yeah, the needies.

Before I go, I would like to introduce you to Tiffani Electra X, owner of the charming TartX and maker of art. I want to give Tiffani big props for introducing me to the concept of BWO, Blogging Without Obligation, in which we people who work-for-free cease to beat ourselves up when we don’t show up to the virtual page for a day or two. Tiffani’s theory is that if you don’t beat yourself up about when you blog (or don’t, as the case may be) you’ll blog longer, write better, and give the world more love.

Amen, sisterfriend.

Tiffani’s art at Tartx is fantastically off the beaten path and a good fit for anyone who regularly flings themselves down the rabbit hole. It’s romantic and goth at the same time—a little bit like an Alice in Wonderland tea party, if maybe you like your tea with the tiniest smidge of arsenic. I highly recommend you take a little foray over to her place while you wait around for me to come back from the Mad Hatters. (Do you think I could woo her over here? That would be lovely! I DO so love a good crush!)

Much love to you all.

Magpie Girl

“I think my most important job is to make space for people to be who they are and tell their own stories…My role is to cultivate relationship, cultivate curiosity, [and] create a sense of sacred space.”     -Kelly Bean,  Soultribe Cultivator

How do I love Kelly Bean? Let me count the ways! First, she’s a redhead (big points.) Second he has the totally adorable name. (more brownie points.) But most importantly, Kelly Bean is as gentle as she is wise, with more patience than anyone I know, and has a habit of waiting and listening until the solution arrives. (Unlike some redheads we know. Hi. Me.)

There’s nothing like learning from a pro, and at 20-plus years of nurturing the same Soultribe (it’s a record!) Kelly can really give us insight into how to keep something going through the ups, downs and seasons of life.

This is a long, but excellent interview and features a unique shared-leadership model called Leadership by Triad which I’ve never heard of anyone else using. Plus there’s loads of stuff in here for those of you who are in the process of a church break-up, or who are Leaving Church. And don’t miss the bit where she lays out some of the common pitfalls Soultribes trip into, and how to avoid them. I recommend you print this out and pop it in your bag. You’ll want to underline and highlight this winsome goodness, I promise.

Kelly generously gave us her time to write up this interview, so she could encourage and guide you. In the spirit of our on-going Sacred Commerce experiment, please let me know if you’d like to send Kelly a thank-you gift from your Etsy or other shop. (My email is moi at magpie-girl dot com.)

And now without further ado my Soulsister, Kelly Bean, and the Soultribe at Third Saturdays.

Background: Could you tell us what kind of Soultribe you belong to: What do you call it? How often do you meet? How long have you been together as a group? 

My soultribe is called Third Saturday.We are a community of people following in the way of Jesus. Our gatherings vary in size from 15-30 -which includes 6 kids ranging in ages 1 to 13. We meet twice a month for sure and sometimes more frequently.

I began to host this group over 22 years ago. I remember my daughter (who is now 23 years old) was just beginning to crawl when we first started. I can still see her playing in the center of the circle of friends, although now she is a mother herself. Over time I have become the ‘official’ cultivator of this community (thanks Rachelle for the great title, “cultivator.”) I’d venture to say that most of the current participants have been attending for seven to ten years.
Group Content: What does your typical evening together look like? Read the rest of this entry »